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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed at wedding gift to DSis...?

59 replies

Couchto5ktowine · 24/04/2015 19:16

Ok, fully expecting to be told IBU but I need to air (if only to stop me doing so with DSis!)

So, I'm single, no DC, have a good career. While I'm not swimming in it, I am comfortable and own my own home. DSis and her fiancé rent, are less well off but aren't exactly on the breadline. (Sharing this as context)

Anyway, DSis is shortly getting married. They wanted to spend a week in a European city they both loved as honeymoon but couldn't afford it so I offered £350 as contribution, which would be my wedding gift. They accepted, I transferred money. I've now found out they've decided to do a week in a self-catered cottage in the UK. It's clear it will cost less than I've given them.

Now, I fully get I gave it as a gift and so I shouldn't stress about how it's spent. And if they'd fronted up with me and offered the difference back I would have refused. But but but... It just feels a bit uncomfortable...

AIBU?

OP posts:
Buglife · 24/04/2015 19:39

Maybe even with your £350 paying for a week in Europe in terms of basic flights and hotel (and that could be stretching it, most cities are pricey) they realised they would have no spending money to speak of but really wanted to go away so chose this. If it didn't by some chance cost that amount (and remember that if they live fairly far away from 'remote Scotland' then petrol or rail costs would be about £100+ easily) what is it you think they are doing with the remainder that annoys you? I'd say they realised they could have a scrimping week abroad with no money to eat out or visit places so found an alternative.

Bogeyface · 24/04/2015 19:40

Thats a good point actually. Travel is still a part of the cost, just because its not flights doesnt make it free!

youmakemydreams · 24/04/2015 19:43

I live in remote scotland and trust me I would love to be able to afford a cottage here to rent out. They really aren't cheap and often the you pay a premium for the remote aspect.
I can see why you are a bit Hmm about it but I wouldn't give it a thought. They probably still couldn't afford the European honeymoon and have got a week for their money over a possible long weekend.

JemimaPuddlePop · 24/04/2015 19:43

they've decided to do a week in a self-catered cottage in the UK. It's clear it will cost less than I've given them

You're nuts. UK breaks are expensive.

Roseformeplease · 24/04/2015 19:44

We rent out a cottage in a remote corner of Scotland and are £360 even in the depths of winter. At the height of summer, much more.

But, I too would be a bit put out that they didn't at least inform you.

How did you find out?

Original poster
Couchto5ktowine · 24/04/2015 19:46

Gah, I realise I'm danger of becoming massively over defensive about this whole thing, but to be clear, it was always intended as a contribution to the honeymoon, not meant to cover the whole cost of a honeymoon! I know £350 was rarely unlikely to cover that cost!

They were always going to have a honeymoon - I just thought my contribution would help give them what they wanted.

Anyhow, they're clearly happy, have what they want and IABU. Bit better to get it out of my system now than let it worry away (not that I would ever have said anything!)

OP posts:
tigermoll · 24/04/2015 19:49

If I was you, I think I'd feel more miffed if it was the other way around, ie you'd contributed to a modest week in a cottage and then the bride and groom announce that actually they're off on a luxurious European break.

Dowser · 24/04/2015 19:50

£350 as a wedding gift.

Faints!

I don't even expect £35.

You do sound like a lovely sister.

MrsHathaway · 24/04/2015 19:51

Cottage £240
Petrol £100
Featherlight Durex £10

Sod trips out, it's a honeymoon.

MadameJulienBaptiste · 24/04/2015 19:58

Can you tell me where they found a cottage in the UK so cheap?

I want to book it.
perhaps the week in a European City ended up very expensive with hotels, food, airport parking and flights.
self catering sounds much better if they aren't flash with cash.

TheRollingCrone · 24/04/2015 20:02

I'd just be glad they were going somewhere they wanted and were happy tbh.

I,m sure you gave it with a "good heart". I hope they have a lovely honeymoon.

JanineStHubbins · 24/04/2015 20:03

YABU and incredibly petty.

abigamarone · 24/04/2015 20:16

My take is that you're giving them the honeymoon, rather than just putting towards it - makes it a bit more special really.

florascotia · 24/04/2015 20:19

OP I think that you gave them a very generous gift. That was lovely of you and I hope your sister appreciates it. But I live in a remote and very beautiful part of Scotland. The going rate for cottages in peak seasons here is way over £350 per week. Nearer £500 or £600 for the best. (It's worth it ...) On top of that, fuel costs to get here amount to an awful lot. Our local petrol is amongst the most expensive in the Uk. The local shop is charming and extremely helpful but it is not cheap. The nearest supermarket is almost 60 miles away, over single-track mountain roads...

If the beauty and peace and quiet of a remote place like this is what your sister wants, then I'm sure that she will be very grateful indeed for whatever you have given her towards it.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 24/04/2015 20:20

I have friends who spent their honeymoon camping, just like every other year. They still remember that holiday as special.

Catsize · 24/04/2015 20:20

YABU,
You should have given them £1,000.
Seriously though, they should have said something.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 24/04/2015 20:21

I have once stayed in a cityage that was £300 per night Shock

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 24/04/2015 20:23

Cottage!

Jengnr · 24/04/2015 20:30

I wonder if they didn't say anything first in case it sounded like they wanted more money off you. So they booked something else then told you.

sebsmummy1 · 24/04/2015 20:35

OP, if you weren't helping them out with their honeymoon would your gift have been less expensive? Ie did you offer over and above what you were expecting to put aside for a gift to try and help them do something 'once in a lifetime' and so are now a bit pissed off because you feel they have just put that money in their bank account and booked something totally different rather mundane?

Because of that was your mindset I too would be pretty pissed off by the change.

Only1scoop · 24/04/2015 20:39

To be honest I was going to say Yabu but....

You actually offered them this gift as they wanted the European city break which they couldn't afford....you state they accepted....

So really I do think it's a bit off for them not to at least mention it. Even if it's just that the cottage will cost much the same which it possibly will....I would have to clarify with you if I was your ds.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 24/04/2015 20:47

We've been looking out for a nice cottage in the Highlands for a week. For something special enough for a honeymoon, they could easily be looking at £500.

I say that to make you feel better OP. You sound a decent sort - I honestly don't think they're ripping you off.

Bowlersarm · 24/04/2015 21:21

Yes, op, I think ive overlooked how generous you've been in my eagerness to say YABU. But....your generosity shouldn't come with strings attached? Your DSis probably should be proud of herself for being a bit frugal, highly commendable.

Brandysnapper · 24/04/2015 21:22

Loving the idea that cottages in "remote Scotland" go for peanuts. Being remote is what makes them popular!

Becles · 24/04/2015 21:27

YANBU to be miffed.