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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or PFB?

44 replies

Cassie258 · 24/04/2015 06:19

DMIL wants to take DD (currently 3 but I expect about 4 by the time they go) to Disneyland Paris. During all discussions, it sounded like all of us going (mil, DP, DD and I) and DMIL would pay for DD.

Recently, dbil stayed with us. He said DD would be going with DMIL only and it would be a nice weekend break for us. I said I wasn't comfortable being so far away from her, if anything were to happen we wouldn't be able to do anything. He got offended and said DMIL would not let anything happen to her. This is obviously true and I trust DMIL with DD complicitely. DD has stayed their several times. However, things happen that are beyond our control no matter what we do to prevent them.

DMIL has a history of strokes. She's had two but none for maybe two years now.

Dbil did not understand why I would be worried at all. He does not have kids.

I am an anxious person.

So am I being unreasonable or am I being PFB?

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 24/04/2015 06:21

I'd let her go in those circumstances but that doesn't mean you have to. But if you are an anxious person it's your responsibility to make sure that anxiety doesn't limit your DD's life, so have a good think about what you are worried about and make sure it's reasonable before you say no.

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/04/2015 06:23

I don't know... Maybe just-turned-four is a bit young? I don't think I'd like it much.

Original poster
Cassie258 · 24/04/2015 06:24

I agree. I don't want my issues to affect her.

One point I forgot... He said 'what about her need to travel' she is three. Three. She will travel. She will not miss out. Then he said 'when are you going to be able to afford to take her to Disneyland' Angry

OP posts:
makeminea6x · 24/04/2015 06:26

For me, it's too young. Your child, you know her best. Some would be ready, some not.

turningvioletviolet · 24/04/2015 06:29

I'd let my 4 yr old go with her granny in those circumstances. but then the thought of going to Disneyland myself fills me with horror so it would be the only way any of mine would manage to get a trip there.

ilovesooty · 24/04/2015 06:31

She's not going to be deprived if she doesn't go to Disney Land.
Tell him to mind his own business.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 24/04/2015 06:31

Hmm

You need to get communication sorted - you now have a new understanding based on what BIL thinks is going to happen, when he isn't even involved and it's really not his business to be getting offended or stirring things up!

I don't think I'd be comfortable with my 4 yo travelling internationally with only a caregiver who had a serious and potentially quickly fatal health problem like a history of strokes, no. I would not want that trip to happen under those circumstances (my kids also stay over with my PIL a few times a year - they've never been more than a few km from PIL ' S house with them though - PIL have never suggested taking them anywhere but mushrooming in the forest behind their house, to visit DH's cousin who lives nearby, or to car boot sales - I can't imagine them going to Disneyland Smile )

ollieplimsoles · 24/04/2015 06:32

for me the problem is; all along you thought this was going to be a family holiday to disneyland and you and your dp would be going, then you find out that its actually just your MIL and DD.

I would not be happy at all if I was in that situation, I think thats a bit too young and I would wonder if my MIL had deliberately tried to deceive me. But my MIL can be a bit kookie!

UncertainTea · 24/04/2015 06:34

I don't think I would let mine but then I don't think MIL would offer! First thing you need to do is to (get your DH to) check with MiL if she understands it's just your Dd or all of you.

Could you plan a weekend in Paris with your DH? Then you could all travel together, you would be nearby if need be and for your peace of mind but she still gets her time alone with your MiL.

RedCrayons · 24/04/2015 06:34

I would have said no, but I do have twins, and it would have been too much for my Pils to handle. The first time they took them away on holiday was when they were 8 and it was to Scotland. I'm also prone to anxiety and totally PFB.

'Need to travel' Grin.

Can you offer to go as well and pay for yourself.

PippaPug · 24/04/2015 06:35

If you don't want to take your little one I would then say let her go - I was at Disney land last week and honestly seeing the children (and yes mostly little girls) dressed up in their favourite dress's and faces lighting up when the princess's spoke to them and asking them questions was so sweet!

Can one of you go with her if your that worried? I'm sure she will be in very safe hands though :)

shewept · 24/04/2015 06:37

I wouldn't. My mum has my kids regularly and will be taking them away to the coast this weekend. However mum, like your dmil, has health problems so I wouldn't let her take them alone. Dad goes with her. Mum is fantastic and very careful with them. I trust her 100% but wouldn't want her taking my ds (who is 4) out if the country.

I would suggest all going and letting her spend some time with dd alone. Maybe let the 2 of them share a room.

ImNameyChangey · 24/04/2015 06:37

I don't think YABU. DD is too young in my opinion. My children haven't been to Disneyland...it's not some Holy Grail...it's nice I'm sure but too many people seem to have it as a "must do" part of childhood...which of course it isn't.

shewept · 24/04/2015 06:38

Oh and ds isn't my pfb. DD is and she is 11 I would possibly contemplate it with her. But definitely not as young as 4.

Stopandlook · 24/04/2015 06:41

YANBU

Too far, too young, too busy for my comfort zone.

TiggerLillies · 24/04/2015 06:45

Even if you were being PFB, it is your prerogative. If you are not confidant with her going, don't feel pressured - follow your instinct.

RedCrayons · 24/04/2015 06:47

Although re-reading your OP, sounds like its your BIL who has got the wrong end of stick. If you've had discussions about you all going before why would that have changed now.

StationeryOrdering · 24/04/2015 06:47

YANBU. No way. My DD is 8 and I've just been to Disney Paris with her and my mum. My mum was the one who needed looking after, not DD. But my mum, as good as she is with DD, isn't used to dealing with a child in a crowded unfamiliar environment, so no way would I even countenance what your MIL is suggesting.

Not PFB at all.

BoyScout · 24/04/2015 06:49

No, I wouldn't want my kids taken abroad without me at that age.

VelvetRose · 24/04/2015 06:55

That would have been too young for me. Dd went with my parents to France for a week when she was 7 and that was hard for us both but she did enjoy it and it felt right. 4 wouldn't have.

Original poster
Cassie258 · 24/04/2015 07:02

I get on really well with mil so I'm sure if I said I wanted to be there she'd understand and she knows what I'm like so she'd know I'd be uncomfortable with DD so far away.

I hope it's Bil that's got it wrong. I don't like these awkward conversations. I'm sure Bil has gone and tattled on me to mil. Everything I said last weekend was a source of contention for Bil so I think he will have gone to mil and said 'cassie doesn't trust you with DD' Confused

OP posts:
Singsongsung · 24/04/2015 07:04

I agree with the no ways, not least because I'd want to be there to see her little face when she arrives!

I never understand grandparents going mad for "time alone" with the grand kids. Maybe it's just me but I'm always a bit "why??"

Original poster
Cassie258 · 24/04/2015 07:05

P.s thank you for all your replies.

It's nice to know I'm not crazy Wink

OP posts:
Wavyblackhair · 24/04/2015 07:16

No I would definitely not let her go abroad with mil. Why can't you all go? Just say that the deal was that the whole family would go. A 3 year old is not really getting a hell of a lot out of DL is she? I am surprised at all the posters who say dd should travel without her parents.

ollieplimsoles · 24/04/2015 07:17

FWIW op your BIL sounds like a douche! Has he got a habit of stirring things up in the family?

I don't understand the 'time alone' thing either, our baby isnt even here yet and already my MIL keeps asking 'when can I take baby for a walk by myself?'

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