I need to ask if IABU about my son's health and nursery

[ChildHealthWorries]

but need to check namechange first as the details will totally out me.

OK, I think it worked, if you read this you'll see I think why it would totally out me in RL.

MyDS2 (3 in July) started nursery in November when I started work. He goes 5 afternoons a week.

Before Christmas, he became ill and ended up with viral meningitis in hospital.

In January, he came down with slapped cheek within one week of returning to nursery.

In February, after half term, he was hospitalised with viral pneumonia.

In March. he was hospitalised with uncontrollable temperature and unspecified upper respiratory tract infection.

He has just been treated for and mercifully seems to be recovering very well from meningococcal disease, and is now receiving IV antibiotics as an outpatient having been critically ill in hospital.

Every holiday, he has been fine. Record length of time at nursery before something (the above are the serious and in some cases terrifying ones) happens is one week.

Is this a coincidence, or should I (as several of my friends have suggested) be considering whether nursery is the problem and I should maybe be looking for a smaller setting, like a child minder maybe?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through! It sounds very scary.

Tbh I think you've had incredible bad luck, and it does seem that once the immune system has taken a big hit, it's more susceptible for a while.

I took my DD out of nursery (we couldn't get a CM place at first) as soon as I could because she was continually ill and hardly able to go, but only with minor ailments. In your position I would definitely consider a good CM; of course they do still get ill but it seems to be staggered over a longer period as there are fewer interactions with fewer children.
I hope your DS makes a full recovery, and stays well.

It is normal for a child to have recurrent viral infections (coughs, snot, d&v) when they start nursery and are exposed to lots of bugs. If they don't go to nursery this happens when they start school. It is normal, healthy and how the immune system is built.

However, if he had a confirmed viral meningitis (white cells in CSF, a virus isolated on culture), a viral pneumonia needing hospital admission with definite changes on x Ray and confirmed meningococcal disease, all within a short period, it may well be (and is most likely to be) just really shitty bad luck but it would definitely be worth ensuring you have paediatric follow up to make sure there are no immunity issues going on.

Oh poor boy (and you). What a lot to cope with.

My gut feeling would be that the meningitis has weakened his immune system and he's continually getting everything he comes into contact with. I'd consider a childminder to try and limit his exposure for a while. Of course that depends whether you can find a solution that matches childminder availability to your working hours.

Thank you. It has been horrific. I think I'm still slightly in shock after this latest one, and would like to put him in some kind of protective bubble at all times! Somebody at my work place suggested a local childminder, but I have no idea if she has spaces, but I think I will look into it when we've had a chance to breathe and relax a bit (DS2 is doing really well, thank Christ for the NHS!!)

So sorry to hear about your son. Hope he recovers fully soon. Would you maybe consider looking for a temp nanny/mothers help? If your son could recover at home it might get some time to build up his immune system before going back in, say, October- miss all the going back to school coughs and colds?

YANBU to be considering your options.

Has his immunity been assessed?
Are there many illnesses in the other children attending the same nursery?

It is entirely possible this was all horribly bad luck and will not repeat itself.

If it were my DS I'd want to have a sit-down with his paediatrician and make sure they have looked at the bigger picture and not just the latest bout of illness.

Thanks - yes, sallysparrow, he had all of those things . It's been really awful, but the paediatric team are monitoring him - he's had all sorts of new tests this time, but the consultant we spoke to tonight whilst he was having the IV said that it does seem likely to be bad luck so far. There are some more tests to come back tomorrow.

And I meant to say that I agree with others that I'd want to find out if he has any problems with immunity, although most likely it's the run of illnesses which has left him temporarily susceptible to everything.

It's notable how awful the first 6-12 months of childcare are for first born children but your DS has had a very bad run indeed!

I think maybe I am being irrational as my older son went to a childminder when small, and was rarely ill, and only once seriously, and he is 15 in August. I do know really that this means nothing, but I am starting to associate nursery with massive anxiety

I really sympathise. DD started preschool two afternoons a week in September, just as she turned 3. The CONSTANT illnesses are driving me to despair, not least because I'm pregnant and have caught everything she brings home, and now I'm scared about what she's going to bring home to a newborn.

Thankfully it's been primarily coughs and colds (and Roseola) but I swear she's rarely been well for more than two weeks at a time. Was fine over the Easter break, then bam, filthy cold within a week of going back

I wish I had the answer, although I totally understand wanting to keep them away from other children and their filthy germs!

Thank you for all responses, it has been really tough, and it's good to get other people's perspectives on it all. Someone who's not yet three shouldn't have to see a doctor/nurse and scream "No stingers! Don't put stingers in me!"

Glad it's all being looked into. Is he (before he had this horrible run of illnesses anyway) thriving and growing as he should? If he is growing nicely that's a really reassuring thing as far as immunity is concerned.
If it turns out that this is just a run of really really bad luck, I would be tempted to stick with the nursery of he is happy there and it suits you as a family. Part of the way the immune system works is that it needs to be exposed to the bugs to learn what needs fighting off. Kids who go to nursery get a shed load of infections whilst they're in nursery. Kids who didn't go to nursery just do the same thing when they start school. Babies with older siblings catch the bugs their sibling brigs back from school or nursery. Sounds like he has been bloody unlucky with the bugs he has had but then (I work in paeds intensive care) it has been a bloody awful winter for viruses this year and kids have been getting sicker than expected with pretty bog standard viruses. It's also around the right time of year for meningococcal disease and if he has had a few colds he will have had some upper airway inflammation which lets the bug in (meningococcus usually lives happily in the nose and throat, it needs a way in to make you sick which is why kids have often had a bit of a cold beforehand then suddenly get proper poorly)

It's bloody horrible when someone so little has been through enough that they are aware that doctors and nurses can do hurty things. I remember looking after a little one who was not quite 1 and had been sick for a while. Her dad came in one day wearing blue and she cried her eyes out as in her mind blue-dressed people (ie docrors in scrubs and nurses in blue uniforms) did scary things!

Yes, sallysparrow, he is thriving and growing, and the "most stoic child I've met in these circumstances" according to one of the paediatric consultants

Thank you for all the information, it's good to hear a professional's viewpoint too.

I never ever want to see That Rash again. I don't think my nerves can take it.

And thank you to you, by the way and all other health care professionals - from my perspective, the NHS seems to spend a fair proportion of its time saving my younger son's life!

Believe me, I would love never to see That Rash ever again! And we in the nhs do what we do (including, as I did today, paying 250 quid for a 3 hour exam!) because much as we don't like making little ones cry cause we are poking them with pointy things, it is bloody fantastic to see them be well enough to tell us off for poking them when they've been that poorly and they're getting better! Here's hoping your lovely little one doesn't have to be poked or prodded or spiked by any of my lot in the future and that his run of nasties has readied his immune system to fight off everything it comes across from here on in!!

Thank you! I'm still unsure about the whole nursery thing. Thankfully MIL/my mum can step in (and have now on several occasions) for short bits, but I need to sort it out long term. My nursery anxiety is probably unfounded I guess, but it now scares me. Anyway. I have managed to arrange granny cover for next week (very lucky I know) so will give it a think.

I am a teacher and he only goes in school time. I don't know if childminders do this (wasn't teaching when my older son needed childcare).

PS The first consultant when he confirmed it was meningococcal disease said "OK, we're doing X for X reason, this is what we think he has - do not google". This was good advice. I have now!!!

I'd be looking for a child-minder I think, I'm not bloody surprised that you're anxious!

The repeated bouts of serious illness have probably left your DC rather under the weather and perhaps more vulnerable to viruses - a child-minder environment would be less tiring (giving him more opportunity to recover properly) and provide a bit less exposure to nasty bugs.

I've come to the conclusion that vulnerability to illness is largely the luck of the draw. I have a very good friend whose strapping, sporty, healthy-eating sons seem to get everything going, whereas my less obviously robust children have never really been ill apart from a run-in with scarlet fever. They've gone through schools together so have been exposed to the same bugs.

Ok I can answer this from 2 sides

At 16 I had viral meningitis. For 2 years after I got everything going. I was ill every few weeks. It was put down to my immune system being shit. It tool a long time but things got better eventually. But it did take a while. In the 12 years since I have been been to the doctors about 4 times. In the 2 years it was at least every month. So it possibly could be his immune system is weak and will take a while to recover.

When ds went to nursery, he got all the usual colds, d&v etc and I think its completely normal. After a few months it stopped, he never gets sick anymore. And if he didn't go to nursery, this would probably happen when he goes to school.

I am inclined to think for your child its a mix of the 2. Its normal for kids to get sick when they start nursery. But your child's body is still recovering from the meningitis, which makes it even harder for you and your child.

However, given the circumstance I understand why you would remove him. At least until his immune system recovers. But in my case it took a while.

Just to put my two pence in, I am also a teacher and my childminder does term time. She takes on others in the holidays and I can get the odd day from her in the hols for planning etc.

Thanks all, there is a children's centre next to my school, so I will see if they have a list of childminders I think, and have a think about it all. I only started my new job after the October half term, and thought the nursery would be so convenient (it's very close to work and he can just do afternoons, as I am part time), and I was very pleased to have found it, but I'm just feeling wobbly about it now.

Oh your poor son (and you of course).

I think it's probably the viral meningitis (bad luck) that has hit your sons immune system for a while. If it was the nursery would other children be affected to?

I totally understand that your anxious though. My dad (also 3 in July) gets very high temperatures from minor illnesses like colds and has said gerbil seizures so I get really anxious about her catching anything but touch wood she has been fine so far.

Febrile seizures even. What the hell is a gerbil seizure!

I have no advice, but just wanted to offer my sympathy. DC2 was very very ill in hospital. I'm a way more anxious parent this time around. 5 months on the anxiety is toning down, I've hated having to worry so much, but luckily friends, family and health professionals have been great at letting us just work through it.