i know IBU, and it's none of my business but...

[onemiddlefinger]

My colleague's wife has given birth to their first baby. Baby was born Monday night and he was in the office Tuesday, so we all congratulated him, but were also asking what are you still doing here, in a light hearted way.
So he said he was going to be off from the next day. Then the next day, yesterday, he was still in the office as he said the wife and baby are still at the hospital (everything fine just waiting to go home after lunchtime) anyway he said he will leave after lunch. He didn't and he is also in today.

Yes, I know it's none of my business AT ALL. But i'm pregnant atm with my second child and even when I'm at the hospital with the baby I will expect DH to be there for pretty much the whole time (during visiting hours) as he did the first time (although I did have a c section so moving around in the beginning was quite hard and I really needed the help).
I just don't understand a situation when DH would not be there unless there was an emergency at work or my mother was there instead for example...
This is not the case with the colleague (wife's mother is coming over this weekend).
AIBU and is this common to be on your own with the baby the first few days and for DH to go to work as normal?
I know IBU for sticking my nose in other people's life, it has just made me wonder if I have been quite precious to expect my DH to be there fully (although he never had any other ideas and wanted to be there himself).

Perhaps he isn't going to take paternity leave. It's not obligatory is it?

You're not needy at all but she might not want him there all the time anyway. Not all men take paternity leave even though it's expected of them and not all new mothers want them to.

I think YANBU to wonder why your collegue is spending time at work, but I'm guessing they've hashed out a plan that works for them.

With my DS1 I was in hospital from 37+4wks until DS was born at 38+6, via CS, I then had 4 (extra hellish) days before I was allowed home.
Luckily my DH was between jobs and was around until DS was 4 months old. I probably had PND, but having DH home helped me muddle through although I felt he took over a lot-I felt very lost once he was back in the workplace.

With DS2 I went in at 10.30pm Friday night and had DS2 at 1.50am Saturday (3.5hrs later). DH had to go in to work on the Monday to meet an unavoidable deadline, but then started his 2 weeks PL.

I'm currently pregnant with DS3 and Due Date is a week day and DH is planning on taking off that week off as AL (consultant won't let me go overdue) and then will take the 2 weeks once DS1 breaks up for the school hols.

My partner stayed with me the whole time and slept at the hospital, we were in it together So yes it sounds unusual to me, what dad doesn't want to be around their baby? But different strokes!

IMO much better for him to use his paternity leave once home. She is in good hands. I'm sure his wife is in agreement end if she wanted him there then he would be.

After DS was born (EMCS, eclampsia) I spent a week in ITU with DS.
I did not want anyone there!! I was still trying to get over the shock of what happened. Ex stayed at home (he didn't have a job) and I preferred it that way.

With DD, Ex came to visit the day after I had DD, then on day 2 I came home. I did not expect him nor want him there with me all the time, I was establishing BF, was tired and just wanted to relax.
I also do not think that Ex wanted to be there for longer than an hour or so at a time, it was exactly the same when I had my spinal fusion surgery (was in hospital for 2 weeks). He would visit every other day with the kids for an hour or so.

New life, new partner, expecting DC3 in July. Planned C-section under a GA, he has said he will stay at the hospital with me as long as he can, I am happy about this! We have a totally different relationship and I want him to bond with his child as much as possible, so his pat leave is starting from the day I have my c-section.

I guess it's different strokes for different folks, you shouldn't judge, you don't know the background.

When I had DC3, which was a saturday night,( ex)H was starting a new job on the Monday morning- so he had no P leave and I had no help at all,came out of hospital on the Sunday & I had to get on with it & take two older Dc to school etc on the Monday as normal too!

Hahaha paternity leave!! Must be lovely. Both mine were born at home (17 and 15 years ago). My husband came home from work about 2 hours before our oldest was born and went back to work the next morning. With the second baby he took the day she was born off and went back the next day. No work, no pay and we couldn't afford it.

I was in hospital for nearly a week with number 1

Dh was at work for that week, I think we saw it as being a waste of his 2 weeks paternity leave to spend one of them in the hospital

And the paternity leave at his work was very generous for the time, I think 16 years ago you could only take 2 days statutory leave

Ooh I'm lying

Ds1 was born on a Sunday Eve and I was taken to theatre after the birth

Dh didn't go home until about 1am so he had the next day off, back to work on the Tuesday

DH is self employed so didn't take any time off but if he got PL then I would have rather have had the help at home than in hospital. I was really tired in hospital and wouldn't have wanted DH sitting there when I wanted to sleep, but I am introverted and I need time on my own, especially on a maternity ward with insanely long visiting hours.