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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about having small house for DC?

80 replies

Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 07:22

Probably a daft thing to worry about but does anybody else sometimes worry that their home is small and the children may be teased as they encounter wealthier classmates?

Obviously I'd love to think that by the time they reach secondary school we'd be in position to move somewhere bigger but for now the house is tiny.

Aibu?

OP posts:
CapnMurica · 23/04/2015 15:12

No I don't.

I worry about having a small home because they won't have their own room or a nice big garden to run around in, but any person that takes the piss either needs educating (if they are young) or to be ignored.

I can see how moving from a large house to a smaller one as a teenager might make you a bit sensitive to it, but otherwise I think you are worrying completely unnecessarily.

TheMshipIsBack · 23/04/2015 15:39

Turquoise Grin absolutely down to your own preferences and choices. Just wanted to be clear that there's no law against it (saw some weird post the other day where someone claimed it was illegal for opp sex siblings over a certain age to roomshare). We'll almost certainly have moved somewhere with more bedrooms by the time my oldest is in secondary, but till then it doesn't bother me. I shared with my younger brother till I was 8 or so.

Meaningbusiness · 23/04/2015 15:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

kinkyfuckery · 23/04/2015 16:19

You have one child, and a two bedroom house with a garden? Am I correct?

I fail to understand why that house is too small?

ElectraCute · 23/04/2015 16:29

turquoise - we are moving to a two-bed terrace with a small garden because we want extra space. It will feel like luxury compared to the gardenless flat we are in now.

Ds is in secondary school - in fact he is in an independent school so I'm pretty positive that all of his classmates have bigger houses than us! If any of them want to look down on him for it, let them. They aren't the kind of kids I want him to have as friends anyway.

Our house is - or will be - happy, relaxed and welcoming. Far more important than cubic metres of floor space.

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 16:32

Kinky - because it stops us exploring the possibility of another child. Because it is, lovely in its way, very small, shabby and poky in comparison to the sort of homes families 'typically' live in in this area. Because for the foreseeable it isn't likely to be one we can move from.

I recognise we are luckier than many, and believe me I am grateful for all we have, but it doesn't stop me being mildly conscious I am not giving my child the childhood I had. That makes me a little sad.

OP posts:
ElectraCute · 23/04/2015 16:42

doesn't stop me being mildly conscious I am not giving my child the childhood I had

Well, me too. But it is what it is, right? If I'd made some different choices in my life I'd be living an expat lifestyle as the wife of millionaire banker, but I didn't choose that route, and here I am Grin

Make the best of it. We are, really, incredibly lucky to have what we have. I do understand what you mean, though.

Feminine · 23/04/2015 17:06

I don't think it us secondary school level you'd need to concern yourself with. (if at all)
I have a teen, a pre teen and a six year old. The most polite and uninterested in our housing association home , are the teens.

Feminine · 23/04/2015 17:08

Forgot.
I had a couple of six year old round yesterday.
The boy in the couple exclaimed "oh your house smells of poo!"
I was roasting a cauliflower. Grin

buntingbingo · 23/04/2015 17:17

YesI do. BUT I also try to make sure our small flat is gorgeous and full of our nice things and homely. Financially we Are so much better off here. I dream of a big lovely house but would hate to be stressed about money all the time.

Sussexbelle73 · 23/04/2015 17:25

We rent with horrid carpets too- I have LOADS of rugs in the house!!

BeaufortBelle · 23/04/2015 19:52

doesn't stop me being mildly conscious I am not giving my child the childhood I had

That resonated.

I had everything as a child. Beautiful home, lovely holidays, fantastic family cars, meals in fancy schmancy restaurants and a pony.

My children haven't had that. They have had love, and support, and my interest in every aspect of their beings. They haven't had a narc mother. Their lives are so much better than mine was.

It's about the unconditional love OP; not the stuff.

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2015 20:13

A big house didnt give you a happy childhood loving parents did i was spoiled rotten granted it was a council house and no ponies but just stuff every where i just wanted some time spent on me my mum tried and thought toys and clothes and stuff was how you did it but imo it isnt

BeaufortBelle · 23/04/2015 20:21

Glad you see what I mean Mrsjayy. Can you believe my mother has criticised me because my dd doesn't have a pony; has told me I haven't been a good enough provider because of it. :(

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2015 20:56

Does your dd even have any interest in a pony i guess your mum just sees ponies as a status things a must have for her lifestyle

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 21:05

Some lovely reassuring posts, thank you. I am very hopeful of eventually moving but if not - DC will have her own bedroom, little garden.

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 23/04/2015 21:16

Well, I think she'd have liked a pony but she fully understands it's a bit hard to have space in Central London. She is a little more sensible than her grandmother Grin.

OP, I think your dd sounds like a very lucky girl. If only every child had a mother worrying about these sorts of things. I don't suppose your girl will ever feel unloved, unwanted, hungry, unsupported, not encouraged or any of the other things that matter. >>>hug

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 21:18

Ah, thank you. It is hard as I have to work full time and although we are close I do feel sometimes that I've let her down. Ironically I didn't have a very happy childhood, mainly because my parents meant so well but didn't understand children too well, I don't think :)

OP posts:
TheBookofRuth · 23/04/2015 21:21

I remind myself every time I'm tempted to complain that plenty of people raise larger families in smaller places, and that compared to 99% of the world we are extraordinarily bloody lucky.

The only time DD has ever commented on our house being small, and why can't we have a big one like her cousin, she got quite a strict talking to along those lines.

sarahsnail · 23/04/2015 21:22

I think the problem is more you worrying how you will be judged by everyone in the community rather than your child.
Your son will not even see your house as being different and small, he has a bedroom and a garden and a loving home, he doesn't need a big house just to keep up with the jones's!

also my son and daughter share a room and they love to share, makes bedtimes more fun for them. (stressful for me....lol) neither of their friends have even bothered to show any interest in why they both share a room, most of them have been more than happy to sit and play with the other ones toys...lol.

BeaufortBelle · 23/04/2015 21:26

i think it's a benefit for children to have working parents. It helps with their organisatwion and independence and is a bloody marvellous role model for their futures.

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 21:27

Well yes, but they probably wouldn't love to share if they had to do it at 14 and 16, would they? :) I can't guarantee that we will be able to move when DC is older unfortunately. As I've said, it's adolescence that's the worry for me.

I think if my child asked why we didn't have a big house I'd want to have an honest talk about it and probably bore her silly explain she has a better quality of life in a more expensive area than she would in a bigger house miles away. It is a pity in some ways but it doesn't really matter at this age anyway.

I think in my head I've always wanted to recreate the family I "lost' as a teenager which is why I'm sad I can't.

OP posts:
sarahsnail · 23/04/2015 21:35

Well no they probably won't and at that age I wouldn't expect them to, and that's when if moving is not an affordable option for us then I will be sacrificing our room in order for them to have separate ones, a bed settee will do me and DH just fine.

I think after working with the poorest of families and watching their struggles in life, makes me feel happy of what I do have.
And if you want to recreate that family so much, there is nothing in your way stopping you that is so awful that you can't.

BeaufortBelle · 23/04/2015 21:37

Oh OP, you can only travel forward. YOu can change the future, not the past.

If my parents had loved each other and if they hadn't divorced when I was 12 I think my past would have been different and I'd have been happy in a bedsit if they'd been happy. But it wasn't to be.

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 21:40

Sarah - have you misunderstood me? :) With the best will in the world I will never recreate the family I had or the home I had, not with house prices being what they are.

I agree that working with the poorest of families possibly gives perspective but that's the thing - I'm not comparing myself to the poorest or the 'worst' but some of the wealthiest and the best. Perhaps that way madness lies but I just want DC to have a life I didn't.

OP posts: