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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about having small house for DC?

80 replies

Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 07:22

Probably a daft thing to worry about but does anybody else sometimes worry that their home is small and the children may be teased as they encounter wealthier classmates?

Obviously I'd love to think that by the time they reach secondary school we'd be in position to move somewhere bigger but for now the house is tiny.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Skeppers · 23/04/2015 08:18

Kvetch15....PREACH! Grin

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 08:20

Same for me blueshoes:) bizarrely, that's one of the main reasons I've moved here!

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 23/04/2015 08:22

Oh, and I should have added, if I had ever become aware of my children belittling another child for not having as much as them, they'd have been grounded for about thirty years! Honestly, we've hooted as a family about the prattishness of the "I've got this brigade" and displays of conspicuous wealth and the idiocy of it but we have never ever laughed at or criticised anybody for not having enough.

HellKitty · 23/04/2015 08:24

Yes Turquoise I did! I was mortified but where he said it the paper was peeling off, carpet ripped off the stairs, and there were scraping and decorating tools.

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2015 08:25

Mine grew up in a flat ex council its all we could afford their friends didnt care other kids might have said something but tbh if they were not friends it didnt matter to them meh to looking the part. Dd2 at 13 had a girl not invite her to a thing girl said to her i didnt think you could afford to go because your dad is a workman Confused

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2015 08:28

I was called posh at school because i --was made to- wore my blazer kids are weird dd2 is called a freak because she is into superheroes kids will find something to tease about regardless you cant force other kids to accept yours imo

Skeppers · 23/04/2015 08:31

Mrsjayy Yep, I had that one too...because my dad was a lorry driver Shock!

(Interestingly, he also builds and networks computers as a 'hobby'; was recently offered an IT job in a mate's company but actually earns more as a lorry driver than he would do working in IT! The more you know...)

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2015 08:35

Dh works for a gas company its weird how kids think obviously overalls mean destitute Grin

MadamG · 23/04/2015 08:37

I was bullied at school because we were poor. Didn't have such a nice house or car as others. I was so embarrassed at times. I just wish I could have talked about it with my family. Please be open with your kids (as I suspect you will be) and give then room to talk about stuff like this. If they are going to get teased it'll happen for one reason or another.

Skeppers · 23/04/2015 08:48

Mrsjayy Most of the big detached houses where we live are owned by tradespeople! I really wish I'd trained to be a plumber instead of a career in education...

My sister is deputy head of a Primary school and her OH is an electrician; he earns waaaaay more than she does! Some people have weird conceptions of job status vs. earnings.

Mrsjayy · 23/04/2015 08:58

Yeah its a strange connection this girl was probablly trying to be kind in a clumsy way her parents work in offices

TwinkieTwinkle · 23/04/2015 09:01

We live in a relatively decent size house (four bedrooms, two livingrooms, a study) and I can safely say not one of my sons friends has noticed. He also has a friend who lives in a beautiful massive house and none of them notice. Parents notice, children don't.

Higheredserf · 23/04/2015 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/04/2015 10:21

OP, I think people are missing the really crucial thing you've said:

My own dad moved from a beautiful 4 bed detached house after my mothers death in my teens to a 2 bed terrace as he said we 'didn't need the space' and I went to an independent sixth form where most of the girls I made friends with lived in houses similar to my old one. I felt very different and embarrassed about inviting people home.

This must have been really difficult - after losing your mum, something else was taken away and your life changed even more. So you were grieving for your old house and everything that went with it, which maybe included the memories you had there.

But your kids won't automatically feel the same as you. And the thing to remember is that you are making memories with your DC now. Your tiny house will have very different associations to the one your dad moved you into.

I mean this very very kindly but it sounds like you are maybe projecting a little bit, as the feelings you're talking about are yours, not your DC's.

BlackeyedSusan · 23/04/2015 10:41

you do not have to stick at one child, I have two of different gender in a two bed flat. the people oppostite had teens of different gender, the parents slept inthe living room. (we do at least have largish living rooms, better than some terraces that have two tiny rooms downstaris one of which is kitchen-diner)

skepper have you thought of geting a carpert remnant and using it as a mat on top of the original carpet? you could roll it up and take it away then, as they used to in the early seventies.

Skeppers · 23/04/2015 10:59

BlackeyedSusan Thanks for the tip. Yep, we are going to go down the rug (rather than remnants) route to cover up as much of the carpet as possible; we're off to Ikea rug shopping next week! Grin

I'll be much happier with junior crawling around on a new rug, rather than an 11+ year old threadbare, filthy (despite having had it professionally cleaned) carpet! Smile

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 23/04/2015 11:02

I have 4 children, and our home is a very average ex council 3 bed semi, in a very affluent area.. DH was here when he left the forces and it's all we could get (and even then we don't own it all.. shared buy) It's very small for 6 people.

No one cares! The kids shared rooms and when DD1 went to Uni she found it so weird sleeping alone! Now two of them are away at Uni the house feels a bit empty! They had friends back, they used to have sleep overs in the living room and honestly no one cared. We don't have fancy cars or fancy anything but we have a home that welcomes people and that's what matters!

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 11:15

You're very correct there peppermint; it did feel at the time as if my world had been torn away.

Our home is small - two bed terrace - with a garden. I agree children can share but not indefinitely!

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 23/04/2015 11:24

One of ds2's little friends quite often comments on the size of our house, or the state of decor "Hhm, quite scruffy" being the latest comment when shown where the downstairs loo is (it is old but clean).

We live in a reasonably large but totally unexceptional semi - on an estate full of similar - as does little friend. As I know from personal experience our house is pretty much the same size, state of untidiness and standard of decor as hers.

Point being that, even when children do say things, it can just be a case of some random opinion. Doesn't mean they are growing up in a palace, either.

BrieAndChilli · 23/04/2015 11:38

It's hard not to compare. We live in a rented shabby 3 bed semi, the kids go to school in the next village over and it's a very rich area, most of the parents are lawyers and heart surgeons and accountants etc. their houses are huge! There are 10 girls in Dds class and 1 lives in half of a mansion house that has been split into two and the gate house has been made into a house, another lives in a huge house with the kitchen bigger than all of my downstairs, etc, it makes me embarrassed to have the parents over to ours.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/04/2015 11:47

I think it's worth trying to remember that living in your house now has a different meaning to your DC, than how you felt back then, or how you feel now.

It probably won't be an issue for your DC. But you have feelings about it, and that's allowed!

TheMshipIsBack · 23/04/2015 11:56

You can totally have 2 of a different gender sharing ... until they leave home if you have no choice! I'm pregnant with DC2 and we're leaving the gender a surprise, so no matter what DS is going to be sharing with his younger sibling for some time. We're in a 2 bed semi on the wrong side of town, but the immediate neighbourhood is friendly with lots of kids. Might consider moving in a few years once both kids are at school and childcare costs aren't such a big percentage of the budget.

cestlavielife · 23/04/2015 12:07

skeppers buy huge rugs from ikea and cover most of the floor.

op YABU - and a little bit paranoid that all people judge on possessions - not everyone does. the ones that do arent worth it. teach your dc resilience and what matters in life.

be happy and confident and smile and you and your dc will be fine. if they say so-and-so- has a huge house - smile and say"that's nice".

are you children happy and do you do fun things together ? do you laugh and smile?

Original poster
Turquoiseflamingos · 23/04/2015 12:36

Ship - to rephrase then it wouldn't be something I am comfortable with so would restrict my family size :)

I recognised it isn't so important for young children but as she reaches adolescence and even possibly young adulthood - I don't know ...

OP posts:
FrenchJunebug · 23/04/2015 15:07

I live in a one-bed flat with my DS so of course I worry. But if other parents are going to judge me for that, they are not worth me knowing them.

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