aibu to be so upset / angry about this?

[gingerbreadmam]

i will keep it short as ive posted in 30 days and no response.

basically had an issue at work, knew it was going to happen as some people i work with can be strong willed (verging on difficult) at times.

anyway i cried at work, cried on the way home and cried at home (pregnant/hormonal ) and i cant decide a) whether im over reacting due to hormones and b) what is the best way to deal with it without making it worse.

basically a generic task whole office should do but there is an opinion it is my job. its not and i have had clarification from management and advice on how to deal with it without creating an issue in the past which i braved doing yesterday (just before i went home). anyway came in this morning to a meetinf request from said management to discuss today.

the meeting was originally scheduled between me manager and colleague (even tho it is a team task) so i said i wasnt happy to do that as it makes it look like there is a problem between colleague and i (and in all honesty i felt it was managements place to respond to colleague and relay what i have been told numerous times). anyway it was agreed the meeting would be team wide which made more sense although made me anxious as opened the issue up to other colleagues i have had similar issues with in the past.

needless to say the meeting did not go well. partly due to historical communication issues, but it was clear that some people were still of the opinion it was my task. some hurtful and unnecessary comments were directed my way and now im completely dreading going in tomorrow. eyes are still burning from all the crying.

so firstly am i being unreasonable to have let work upset me that much? i am happy to accept hormones being the issue.

secondly how can i raise this without making the issue a lot worse. small team, spend a lot of time in a small room with them, really really dont want anymore anymosity than what there is so far. thanks

woops sorry thats not short

Its absolutely up to the management to resolve this. It should be reitterated to the team that this is not part of your role.

I'm going to make a guess that it's some sort of admin task that other staff think is beneath them?

It's your manager's problem, talk to them first thing and tell them how you feel. Ask them to resolve it. And don't worry, everyone gets upset by work things sometimes. Best of luck

Sounds as if management are not handling this well. They need to make it very clear to your colleagues if this task is part of their role. Are they usually a bit wimpy?

well the funny thing is im at a more senior role than the person who has the issue and the other one who has an issue is the same grade.

should i approach management tomorrow?i literally feel like i was 'thrown under the bus' for want of a better expression.

i am dissapointed and slightly embarassed that adults can throw around insults in an open meeting like that. completely unnecessary.

why do they believe it is your job?

You need management to actually BE management and get them together and say this is NOT her job and we will not tolerate any more of this about it. She is not doing anything wrong by not doing something that is not her job and this stops today.

Management also need to say whose job it is and how it is expected to work.

Management is really letting you down here. Why did they allow these comments?

Also, you are not unreasonable to feel upset. Granted you've probably been more upset because of hormones.

I agree, you need to have a meeting with your manager, and tell them you felt attacked in the meeting and just want everyone to understand that your role does not include this job. You do not want another team meeting to discuss, you just want an email to the team, confirming the job is not yours alone.

YANBU to be upset about it, you are in a room with these people for a lot of hours, its hard when things are said which hurt.

You cannot change that, but you can go in with head held high tomorrow and be professional and friendly to the rest of the team.

This will blow over, these things always do.

it is becoming clear that they prefer to dodge things like this.

it was only a month or so ago i was very upset about the same issue as i diplomatically tried to tell the main colleague in this issue why it wasnt limited to my role and it was an expectation that we all did it. the other colleague involved interrupted to question me as to why it wasnt my role in front of other colleagues which i found very embarassing and felt belittled and intimidated.

its such a small and easy task that throughout the humiliation today i just kept thinking to myself i wish i hadnt said anything and just kept doing it but then i dont feel like i should do that just because i am scared of their reactions.

for clarity the expectation is that everyone in the office is able and should complete the task of it comes to them via phone or email.

there can be complications in which case it can then be escalated to myself (as i have the knowledge and expertise to investigate) or my manager who also has this. but 9 times out of 10 it is a basic enquiry that does not require further investigation.

it became apparent today that nothing had ever verbally (there was an email) been communicated previously however half the team do do what is my (and managements) expectation so that kind of contradicts that.

just a quick update. met with boss this morning, she didnt realise i had taken it all like that. there were tears again which i hope got my point across a little bit more if nothing else.

i said i felt let down. it should have been addressed with the colleague with the issue rather than in an open meeting.

i mentioned the two points that upset me most and she is adressing this with my colleagues on monday and agrees they were personal and not relevant to the discussion.

difficult really as i dont want any comeback from it as its hard enough already so not really a way they can truly follow it through. at least though they will know i wont be intimidated and will stand up for myself if needs be. thanks for yesterday it helped me feel better and get some clarity.

Well done for standing up for yourself OP, it can be hard to do sometimes.

Ive only just seen this. I used to be a manager of a team who would leave this one task, no one thought it was 'theirs' even though it was everyones, despite repeatedly asking and asking. In the end i packed up work at 15 minutes before finishing and we ALL did it (me and higher management included). Is something like that possible?
Although re-reading it sounds like its more email query so more time critical.

Well done for talking to your boss. Although, your boss should have picked up the personal attacks in the meetings.

yes its something that just arises on occasion. the person with the issue just doesnt want to do it. if management are going to support that then that is their choice but it would have been helpful to clear that up rather than telling me conflicting information although i guess it is cleared up now.

i think there is an underlying issue in that i was promoted earlier in the year (well deserved, lots of hard work went into it) and i feel that some people arent supportive of that. maybe that made me take things more personally than i should have as i am aware of that but i dont know.

the person with that issue was the one my boss actually agreed with though. she said she shut it down. i just said for someone to argue back and forth with me like that in fromt of other colleagues is wrong and un-professional.

the other issue my boss had missed part of the statement. something was said prior to a statement like if people are flakey or something along those lines and that i have provided 'aldi' customer service (totally outing myself now). this was all in relation to the email being sent to me first thing and me responding last thing which was due to me being in meetings the majority of the day with my boss!

Just out of interest, whose covering your maternity leave?!

I think your boss really needs to be nipping this in the bud now and backing you. Of course you can't reply if your not there, what a ridiculous thing to say. The problem is if your boss doesn't deal with this properly then this person is only going to dig their heels in about not doing this job.

I have to say when i announced my pregnancy the whole happy team dynamic i had went up the wall, where the power struggles started. Im sure it was all to do with my maternity leave, they saw an opening and were all battling for it.

i actually think only one person in the office will go for my maternity cover and strangely enough i think they will support that so i dont think its that.

i know its ridiculous. its ridiculous my boss didnt back that in the meeting as she was aware of that. will see what happens next week. i hope the fact i have dared to stand up for myself will shock them and bring an end to it.

I've worked with some awful women before and your right the minute I grew a backbone they did back down. It was hard and unnatural for me. I had to keep it up, every tut, eye roll, moan 'is there a problem?'.

In your situation id make sure you/ your boss follows up the meeting in email to clarify and confirm to all attendees. Sounds like what she thought happened didnt

the look i got from one of them who is older than my mother when she was arguing with me about a task i had said id never done before was unbelievable.

all as if it never happened today though. is that typical behaviour? at least it makes it a bit easier for me being here. god knows about next week when it has been raised with them.

oh yes, ignoring anything uncomfortable, nothing more english

that is true and im completely guilty of that myself

i'm sorry for bumping this old issue but in just thinking about tomorrow, when my line manager is going to raise this i assume individually with the colleagues concerned and im starting to get cold feet about going through with it.

i keep thinking about the discussion i had with my line manager and their opinion was she thinks they should know how they made me feel. the thing is, i just think this doesnt carry any weight with it and is kind of pointless.

i was hoping it would be raised in that line manager felt they were wrong too but i feel its going to go something like gingerbreadmam said you said this and it was aimed at her and upset her. it just seems kind of pointless. i dont want an apology. all i want is then to recognise that it was un-professional and un-acceptable.

wwyd?

I've read this through but can't really understand what's happened. Can I just ask if this is correct?

You have recently been promotion and some seem to have issues with that, even though you worked hard for the promotion.

There is a task which has to be done but which isn't done frequently which people seem to think is your job, even though it isn't.

Management have clarified (to you) that it's not your job - did they say whose job it was?

In the meeting where management clarified it wasn't your job (? they said whose job it was ?) then people were really aggressive and hostile towards you.

Did management intervene then?

Since when have junior staff told senior staff what their job is?

Oh and by the way, Aldi's management training scheme salary starts at £42,000, reaching £70,000 after three years - is there supposed to be a problem with that?!

thats pretty much the gist of it.

the job is everyones basically, thats what i had regularly been told by senior management and the issue was 1 or 2 colleagues were always forwarding the job to me.

i thought it was due to them not being confident in doing it, which was never going to happen whilst they kept forwarding it on. i was advised by management the next time one was forwarded to me to respond with guidelines attached and ask the person sending it to complete the task which i did. (it is a very basic taks, up until a point) they then complained to management who decided to hold this meeting even after i expressed my concerns.

hostile and agressive is maybe going a bit far but i claimed i didnt know how to do something (genuinely believed this altho now i am doubting myself) and one colleague snapped back that i had done it before. i said no i havent and she came back again with yes i did and i either then said i hadnt or didnt remember and she gave me the most disgusting look and turned away from me. it was humiliating in front of all my other colleagues and completely unecessary.

funnily enough, which just struck me tonight, prior to me saying this another colleague who is in the clique also claimed not to know how to do it and this was never questioned.

sorry for waffling on.

the aldi job sounds like a good option and with my aldi customer service i'm sure i'd be snapped up

I think the problem is your manager's, tbh. Behaviour like that shouldn't be tolerated at work, particularly in a meeting.

Should training be set up so they all know how to do it, or do they know, really, and just don't want to?