Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to give away "his" bedroom?

63 replies

waffilyversati1e · 22/04/2015 14:11

We are having an extension put on our house giving us another bedroom. We have a 9yr old girl, a 14yr old boy and a baby. Daughter is in a double room so shes staying put but the plan was to move my teenager out of the boxroom and into the new large bedroom. I have spent weeks telling him to clean his room ready to pack his things to move to his new room when its ready (this week) and have just been in there to see that not only is it not tidy it is GROSS. stuff everywhere, can barely see the floor (again) and it stinks of manky boy smell. socks? sandwiches? who knows..

AIBU to just put the baby in the lovely new room and leave my ungrateful teenager where he is?

OP posts:

HelenF350 · 22/04/2015 14:13

YANBU, if he can't clean it up then sod him. He had his chance!

Collaborate · 22/04/2015 14:14

Yes. You'd only be giving your son another reason to hate you. He won't hate you forever though. I think that's how it works.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 22/04/2015 14:15

YANBU. At all. If he is unable to keep a room clean enough to show willing, then he shouldnt reap the rewards.

Move the baby in there as (1) DS doesnt care enough (2) littler kids need more space for big toys, playdates etc (3) baby will be living with you the longest so itd be nice for her to be able to stay put.

As an aside, does DS have enough storage? The food/filth/stench is all him, but if he has stuff everywhere he needs a place for it or less stuff.

ImperialBlether · 22/04/2015 14:15

Yes, it would be really mean. And to interpret his behaviour as ingratitude is madness!

He'll be with you four more years if he goes to university. He needs that space now.

And - who knows - maybe once he's got a nice room he may treat it better. Just out of interest, why has he had the smallest room when he's the oldest child?

EeyoresTail · 22/04/2015 14:15

Did you give him a deadline of when he needed to sort his room by? If so then yes I would be tempted to leave him where he is. Use it as a lesson as to what happens when you miss them.

magimedi · 22/04/2015 14:16

I would give him this w/e to do it & make it very clear what will happen if he doesn't.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 22/04/2015 14:17

agreed, give him a deadline - or tell him when he has kept his room tidy for X weeks then he can swap with the baby (maybe 4 weeks, as if he tidies it now, theres nothing to say it will stay tidy)

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2015 14:18

I would let go of the 'ungrateful' and so on and just treat it like natural consequences. Say, without blame and emotion, "the baby can't go in your room like that so I have to put the baby in the new room,". If he's sad about that, empatise but the message is that he decided not to clean so that's just what has to happen. If he cleans, things could change.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 22/04/2015 14:20

I think you need to make it clear you've spent a huge sum of money to give him his own room, and the fact that he hasn't even bothered to clean the old one when it's all he had to do has made you really angry.

I agree you should explain the above and give him a deadline to complete tidying. If he doesn't, the baby gets the big room!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 22/04/2015 14:20

He is 14. If he really wanted to move into the new room (and who wouldnt!!), he would have been packed and ready to go this week.

Clearly he is either not arsed or knows you will let him anways (and do it for him) based on experience.

Original poster

waffilyversati1e · 22/04/2015 14:23

ImperialBlether when we moved in he picked that bedroom. Why is it madness to interpret ignoring my requests for him to pack his things to move into his new room as ungrateful?

I tidied it for him at the beginning of the month (I got sick of asking and the smell was unbearable) and asked that he keep it clean because builders might need access and he would need to pack. He hasn't.

No I should have given him a deadline really but I haven't. I told him last night that I am tempted to put his brother in the new room instead and he thought I was kidding (I half am)

OP posts:

SquinkiesRule · 22/04/2015 14:27

I don't get the packing aspect of this, he's not moving house. He'll walk back and forth with his stuff and put it in the new room won't he?
I'd remind him if he wants the new room to get his old one cleaned up so you can move furniture if you are moving the bed and cupboards etc and ask if he wants the new room or does he like where he is and want to stay in the small room.

keepsmiling2015 · 22/04/2015 14:28

I think you should and should have given him a deadline and to have made it clear what your expectations were in regards to taking the room off of him. Otherwise I think it would be unfair. He's a teenager, they love sloth and filth.

queeninthenorth · 22/04/2015 14:30

Unless you'd already tried it, I would give him the choice, either sort your bedroom out by an agreed time, and agree that you will keep the new room clean (not even tidy, teenagers seem incapable of tidy, just not dirty!) or don't, and stay in the room you are, and baby will get the new room.

If you already gave him a deadline then I would just say that as they obviously don't want to new room, that baby is going to move in there and he can stay in his room, but being a soft touch I would give him another chance to sort himself out to get the new room, but I would say that if the new bedroom is not kept clean, then baby and him will have to swap back, that sure as hell would have worked on teenage me!

Charlesroi · 22/04/2015 14:30

Yep, put the baby in the new room. Your son obviously can't be arsed (or he thinks you'll do it for him) otherwise he would have cleaned up - he's 14 not 4!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 22/04/2015 14:31

Does he want to move rooms? I loved having a box room as a teen, made me feel secure somehow.

FenellaFellorick · 22/04/2015 14:31

give him a deadline now and tell him that if he chooses to not do what he needs to do in order to have the new room, you will assume he prefers his existing one.

While it isn't right to suddenly spring it on him, there's nothing wrong with telling him that if he doesn't do it by x date, there are consequences.

ollieplimsoles · 22/04/2015 14:33

'manky boy smell' haha thats the best!

VeryAgedParent · 22/04/2015 14:38

I can promise you that the new room will get absolutely disgusting too.
My two youngest sons (twins) used to share a very large room until older brother moved out, there was then the option of who would move to the smaller room and who would remain in the bigger room. they both argued that the majority of the mess was made by the other one, so the one deemed the messiest went into the smaller room.
Both rooms became an equally disgusting mess, until DS4's girlfriend moved in and she nagged him relentlessly, and organised him, the room is now pristine.
(My two oldest were never anywhere near so untidy, and would clear/tidy their rooms regularly)
Be warned the bigger room might just make him "spread" his mess, if he's disgusting now he won't improve, (even with constant nagging) anytime soon.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/04/2015 15:14

I have a 15yo DS - we have 2 double bedrooms and a boxroom.
we gave DS the front room so he has an equivilant size to DD and DH/me.

Yes he's a messy blighter. And yes the "manky boy smell" (but soon you'll get manky boy+ Lynx)

Give the new room to DS.
Bed. Desk. Wardrobes. Cupboard. Bin. Laundry Hamper.

Then get him to tidy every evening or couple of days.

It would be unfair IMO to give the baby the big room. But he needs to empty his room and make it suitable for his new sibling.

londonrach · 22/04/2015 15:18

Agree. Give deadline. If not cleared by then baby gets room!

NellysKnickers · 22/04/2015 15:19

Give him the big room. Just put of interest, how come his sister has the bigger room while he has had the boxroom. Maybe he's pissed off about that and it's a sort of protest??
Give him a chance with the big room, say 6 months, if he can't keep it clean then move him back to the small room

NellysKnickers · 22/04/2015 15:20

Ah sorry, missed your post saying he picked that room. Ignore me

MiddleAgedandConfused · 22/04/2015 15:24

I agree 100% with MrsTerryPratchett
l also agree with other posters that if he can't keep a box room tidy then imagine the scale of the mess/smell in a larger room! Do you really want to live with that?

NeedABumChange · 22/04/2015 15:26

YABU, it's really hard to stay tidy in a box room you have to be completely organised to stay on top of it.

I'm also confused about the "packing" thing. He's moving rooms not houses. Why would he need to pack stuff?

Flip

1 2 3