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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to give away "his" bedroom?

63 replies

waffilyversati1e · 22/04/2015 14:11

We are having an extension put on our house giving us another bedroom. We have a 9yr old girl, a 14yr old boy and a baby. Daughter is in a double room so shes staying put but the plan was to move my teenager out of the boxroom and into the new large bedroom. I have spent weeks telling him to clean his room ready to pack his things to move to his new room when its ready (this week) and have just been in there to see that not only is it not tidy it is GROSS. stuff everywhere, can barely see the floor (again) and it stinks of manky boy smell. socks? sandwiches? who knows..

AIBU to just put the baby in the lovely new room and leave my ungrateful teenager where he is?

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/04/2015 15:27

It depends. If you are really going to go ahead with giving the room to the baby, you need to give him one last chance - for the sake of fairness. You need to give him a deadline, and be crystal clear with him that, unless he does tidy and clean his room, to your standards, by that time, the baby will be getting the big room.

But if you aren't going to go through with giving the baby the room, don't make the threat again.

Redglitter · 22/04/2015 15:32

I've never understood the whole thing that older children should have the bigger room. I had the small bedroom when I was growing up and my younger brother had the bigger one

But in regards to the OP it could be her son prefers the smaller room. My pal did a swap around of bedrooms in her house and her eldest refused point blank to move from the box room

Pyjamaramadrama · 22/04/2015 15:37

I think that you should give him the new room, if he wants it.

You can't compare teenager to baby. The baby will probably be just the same when he/she is older.

Your teenager will probably leave home at a point when the baby is still young enough to benefit from the bigger room.

PlasmaMatters · 22/04/2015 15:44

YABU. You said you have been asking him for weeks? How much can he have to move if he's in a tiny room? Why can't he clean it out and move his stuff at the same time. How long will it take? A few hours tops? What is the big deal really. Why would he pack it up days ahead of time if he just needs to move it down the hall?

DixieNormas · 22/04/2015 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

waffilyversati1e · 22/04/2015 16:32

Its not that he has masses of stuff its that the stuff he does have is completely and utterly uncared for. I don't care so much about the xbox cables in a jumbled mess, or the games out of their cases and strewn over the floor.
Its the cup with congealed tea I found under a pair of boxers and countless wrappers (hes not even supposed to be eating upstairs - we have a beagle and she sniffs it out and eats what he hides in his room which is not good for her or me) and bag containing the green and blue gloop which at one point might have been a ham sandwich he didn't eat for lunch... not to mention the tissues.
How can someone use that many?!! How can they be everywhere EXCEPT the bin in a room which is 9ft x 8ft!!

When I said I needed him to pack it was more sorting through the tat he has collected and chucking things he no longer wants than neatly packing everything into boxes. I don't see the point of him moving unwanted stuff (he said theres stuff he no longer wants) into another room to sit and gather dust. He has got storage but nowhere near enough really and yes I know he needs space and the baby doesn't just yet but I just thought he would be a bit more excited :/

OP posts:

keepsmiling2015 · 22/04/2015 16:37

Hmm I wonder why he uses all those tissues

DixieNormas · 22/04/2015 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 22/04/2015 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleflick · 22/04/2015 16:45

ImperialBlether why shouldn't the eldest child have the smaller room? What is age to do with room size?

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/04/2015 16:50

tissues is better then a wank sock, or socks as my friend found ..........

give him a choice, a week to sort out room and move to new room, or that you put younger child there instead

maybe he doesnt want a bigger room?

maybe he needs better storage?

usualsuspect333 · 22/04/2015 16:50

I'd offer to help him sort it out at the same time as him moving rooms.

I'd go in armed with bin bags and bleach

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2015 16:51

Yanbu. yes it's hard to keep small rooms tidy but its not hard to open a damn window so it doesn't smell like something died. or to not have food in the room rotting. or in fact to wash so that his bed and clothes don't smell.

I was a teen once as was my brother. neither of us smelt like health hazards.

BuriedSardine · 22/04/2015 16:54

Harsh, OP.

My 14-year old wouldn't know where to start and nor would I at that age.

Ungrateful? Ouch.

I doubt he's not done anything with the sole intention of pissing you off.

Can you give him bite-sized specific tasks and deadlines and then he understands what's expected of him.

Give him a break. 14-years old boys have way more on their mind than Building Work and Possession Management.

maddiehayesfan · 22/04/2015 17:02

If you don't realise why a 14-year old boy is using that many tissues, then... there's really not much hope for you, is there!

base9 · 22/04/2015 17:11

If he can't keep his room clean then I would not give him a bigger space for his chaos and filth. However, if you are a parent who has never really put her foot down before and never insisted on cleanliness ( rather than cleaning it up for him when he pushes it too far), then this does seem like a hard place to start. If he had no expectation at all that the new room was at risk, because you were half joking and he knows you clean up for him, then I am not sure it is fair to start here with the consequences. I might give him a deadline to make the room pristine, and then tell him that if the new room falls below your standards for cleanliness he will be moved back into the box room. Then stick to what you say.

Pyjamaramadrama · 22/04/2015 17:13

Agree on the tissues, please don't embarrass him asking him about the tissues.

My brother was just as bad if not worse, my room was clean but messy. My nephew is as bad and so was my dps room when he lived at home. My son is starting already and he's 6! Chances are he'll grow out of it once he gets a girlfriend.

Can you try a weekly bin bag, laundry basket, empty cups/plates. So say on a Monday night he's instructed to go in with a bin bag and laundry basket and pick up at least the rubbish and clothes.

I still wouldn't stop him from having the new room but perhaps you could try telling him he can't meet his mates until it's done, or threaten to bin everything you find on the floor?!

Missmonkeypenny · 22/04/2015 17:18

It doesn't really sound like he wants a new bedroom to me; have you asked him if he wants to keep his room or have a new one or just assumed that he does? Not being confrontational, I just wonder if he's happy where he is

Mrsstarlord · 22/04/2015 17:23

Really? You don't know how he goes through so many tissues?

Honestly?

maddiehayesfan · 22/04/2015 17:35

Really? You don't know how he goes through so many tissues?

Honestly?

The naivety boggles the mind, don't it?

Mrsstarlord · 22/04/2015 17:39

I honestly laughed out loud when I read it, and the following posts.

Maybe it's just our minds!

Mrsstarlord · 22/04/2015 17:40

Blondes - my DH, suggested a sock.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/04/2015 17:43

It's a bit harsh, it's possible some of the mess is because the rooms a bit small.

And 14? You want a tidy bedroom at 14?

Naaaaahhhhhhh

maddiehayesfan · 22/04/2015 17:46

I honestly laughed out loud when I read it, and the following posts.

I know. OP should thank her lucky stars; at least he's not wiping it on the curtains.

cleanmyhouse · 22/04/2015 17:51

Harsh. He's 14. 14 year olds don't get excited or enthusiastic about much. You're putting an adult mindset onto a 14 year old boy. He's not ungrateful - he's 14.

Tell him if he can't tidy his room, he can't move to the new one. If he cares, he'll do it. If he doesn't, he won't and may moan a lot, but it's teaching him consequences.

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