Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Friend says she is addicted to shop-lifting... AIBU to trust her less in general?

66 replies

LilacWine7 · 22/04/2015 10:54

I've known her since we were at primary school.

Last time she came to stay, she said she wanted to talk to me about something 'really bad' that she can't tell anyone else. She told me she regularly shop-lifts (mainly clothes, make-up, costume-jewellery)! She then showed me a dress she'd stolen that morning while we were trying on clothes in a small local boutique! She didn't seem ashamed in any way, more pleased with herself. When I asked how how she managed it without me or anyone else noticing, she seemed really proud and went on to describe her techniques in detail. I was shocked, tried to reason with her (small local businesses suffering etc, the cost to herself if she gets a criminal record). She said she can't stop and doesn't want to, that she's been doing it for years and never been caught. She said its partly the thrill of doing it, partly that she always wants stuff she can't afford.

Now she wants to come and stay again. I want to see her but I'm really uncomfortable about the shop-lifting thing. And I can't help thinking will this addiction also make her want to steal my things too? Should I put my jewellery away, should I hide anything she might take a fancy to? Our guest room is also our storage room, so I keep a lot of my clothes, spare products etc in there. Or AIBU to trust her less?

OP posts:

Jackie0 · 22/04/2015 16:48

I'd have nothing more to do with her, she's a common criminal.

ineedabodytransplant · 22/04/2015 16:49

I couldn't agree more, Jackie0

Trenzalore · 22/04/2015 16:53

Id tell the police for a start.
its wrong ans you and she knows it.

grimbletart · 22/04/2015 17:00

No, a thief is a thief.

It makes no difference whether it is from a shop or a person. It is still stealing.

daisychain01 · 22/04/2015 17:24

.Shouldn't you be suggesting that she may need some psychological help?

It sounds like it could be the symptom of a deeper unhappiness or disturbance.

If you are happy you don't go nicking stuff from shops.

HoundoftheBaskervilles · 22/04/2015 17:42

I had a friend at university who would steal in every shop we went into, once I realised I stopped going into shops with him. He never stole from me but it became apparent over time that he was completely amoral (even to me as a louche and feckless youth), he was lots of fun but ultimately completely untrustworthy and the friendship waned in the end.

ItsNotTrueThough · 22/04/2015 17:53

I'd drop her as a friend. I nobody is perfect but being gleeful over repeated shoplifting is pathetic.

My DB owns and manages his own shop - if you shoplift from his shop you are stealing his property. He is skint and on the edge of bankruptcy as it is.

Not that stealing from larger organisations is any better.

windchime · 22/04/2015 17:56

A friend of mine shoplifts every week from a supermarket. It is amazingly easy to do if you are well-dressed, attractive and have a baby in tow. I would trust this friend with my life and the contents of my house. Shoplifting is an addictive high to the middle classes. Nicking your friend's random shit in a spare bedroom is not. YABU.

Topseyt · 22/04/2015 17:57

I meant to say in my last post that I wouldn't want her to visit again. I'd be too uncomfortable.

We all spend years drumming into our children that you should live within your means and if you want something you can't afford then either save for it or do without.

I wouldn't want someone in my house who might give the impression, either directly or indirectly, that it is OK to simply go and steal it regardless. Nor would I want to knowingly have stolen goods in my house, especially as it is possible the net may be closing on her (hence her looking for pastures new).

Clearly she felt no guilt towards the shopkeeper of the boutique near you. Small local shops are someone's livelihood and often operate on very tight margins. I know most of our village shops work that way.

It is not OK to thieve from anywhere, whether small shops or big chain stores. It shows someone with very loose morals who could take you down with her.

My guess is that whatever the intentions, you would find it nigh on impossible to keep her away from shops. She is an addict. She will always be looking for her next fix.

Don't risk it. She can't be trusted.

Floggingmolly · 22/04/2015 18:00

What makes attractive, well dressed scum any better than other varieties of scum, windchime?

YawnyMcYawn · 22/04/2015 18:03

I'd ask her if she intended to stop or wanted help to deal with the addictive buzz. If she didn't I'd drop the friendship and tell her why.

grimbletart · 22/04/2015 18:38

Shoplifting is an addictive high to the middle classes.

Middle class, working class, aristocracy, spare room, supermarket. A thief is a thief is a thief. Immoral and not to be trusted.

madreloco · 22/04/2015 18:49

I'd be concerned about her lack of moral compass - who knows what other criminality she doesn't have a problem with?

Why confuse a lack of a moral compass with a different moral compass? Thats juvenile thinking.

AnyRailway · 22/04/2015 18:56

I think (as always) that there are some highly judgemental attitudes on this thread.

I don't know if you can help your friend. I don't know if you should even try, given that you have your own family to look after.

I think in your position I would refuse to go anywhere shopping with her again. I would also refuse to have her stay in the house, but would explain this in a "I love you but know you have a problem and need to protect my own family " kind of way. She needs to stop this!

I don't think I would be writing her off as a friend just yet. She sounds messed up, but maybe you could support her. Only you know her... I think we need to stand by our friends, especially if they need special help that few people will understand, but we should never put ourselves or families at risk and there is a time for seeking advice from professionals.

ItsNotTrueThough · 22/04/2015 19:13

I'm happy to be called 'judgemental' for 'judging' thieves.

ptumbi · 22/04/2015 19:19

windchime - Nicking your friend's random shit in a spare bedroom is not. [a high].

Not the point. If I knew she was nicking [other people's] stuff, and something went missing from mine, I'd instantly, subconsciously, and possibly wrongly, think it was her.

Flip

1 2 3