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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To no longer do the dishes?

43 replies

BabyGanoush · 21/04/2015 18:29

Been part time working /sahm since kids born.

Basically, I do all school stuff, house stuff, garden stuff. DH works full time.

2 boys, 11 and 13.

Have said I will no longer be chef Caterer unless the 3 of them do the washing up.

Big banging sounds in kitchen, shouting and arguing. I am hiding in the loft.

I ambot BU am I?

Told DH it is for the sake of the boys, who need to learn men can clean up too.

How did it come to this!

Trying to break out of a flippin timewarp scenario!!!

Aibu?

OP posts:
Littlemonstersrule · 21/04/2015 18:32

Depends on how many hours you work and what he works. If your hours plus housework come to more than his he should help.

Topseyt · 21/04/2015 18:34

Nope, not unreasonable at all. Why shouldn't they do it? Several times a week at least.

hidingfromthem · 21/04/2015 18:34

YANBU.
they older kids and DH need to learn to pick up after themselves.
nevertheless, could you buy a dishwasher? they're so handy.

mousmous · 21/04/2015 18:34

yanbu
the dc and dh can do a bit as well.

Original poster
BabyGanoush · 21/04/2015 18:36

This is the thing, he works longer hours than me. Thdn again, he takes more leisure time at weekends (a lot)

I am in between projects, so have more time now. Not starting again for another month.

Just feels like a matter of principle to me, I sometimes feel like a maid.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 21/04/2015 18:37

I second a dishwasher if possible, though then they will argue about who loads and unloads it (I speak from experience).

Still easier though.

Original poster
BabyGanoush · 21/04/2015 18:38

We have a dishwasher, it's just pans and bowls and surfaces and the cooker.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyGanoush · 21/04/2015 18:38

I am possibly a bit pathetic Blush

OP posts:
Snowflake15 · 21/04/2015 18:40

No you're not! It's fair enough that they should do washing up! YADNBU

Icimoi · 21/04/2015 18:42

I thought you WNBU when I read the original post. Now I realise you're only asking them to do the non-dishwasher stuff, you're definitely NBU.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 21/04/2015 18:42

I think it is a matter of principle, in fact maybe more than one principle. It's about equality and teaching your DCs that washing up is not just something that women do. It's also about showing respect and appreciation for the person who cooks (regardless of gender) at least that's what I was taught as a DC

If your DH has more leisure time than you then it is only fair that he steps up more regardless of the hours he works.

Spybot · 21/04/2015 18:46

Yanbu. The kids should be washing up at that age and your husband should help a little too. Working full time doesn't mean they get waited on hand and foot. I am In a similar position. My husband works really long hours so I am often stuck with all the dishes. It really stings when you just cooked a big meal from scratch. What really bugs me is when my Dh does the dishes but the countertops are still all messy and the plug hole is full of bits of food. Sigh.

Beth2511 · 21/04/2015 18:47

The only job I refuse to do is the washing up, I hate it with a passion and will happily do all the washing/ironing/bathroom/tidying/everything else except for the washing up. OH thinks this is fair enough when its the only job I ask of him!

KanyesVest · 21/04/2015 18:47

Definitely get them to do the washing up. DD (4.10) and DS (2.9) have to bring their plates to the sink after meals (dishwasher is in futility room so a bit awkward for them) and DD helps set the table too. DH is less committed to the process but is supposed to do the washing up. It's a life skill for them all .

Leeds2 · 21/04/2015 19:08

YANBU at all. And once your sons have mastered washing up, get them to make dinner once a week too. Obviously under supervision at first but, hopefully, their skills will develop. One day, when living alone for the first time, they will be grateful!

geekymommy · 21/04/2015 19:23

Boys need to learn to cook and wash up, too, at least if things in the UK are anything like they are in the US. In the US, most people of either gender will spend some time living on their own or with a roommate who won't cook or wash dishes for them. Lots of women (and men, for that matter) find it offputting if a potential partner can't do those things. There are health, economic, and environmental concerns with using disposable dishes or eating out for every meal, so that doesn't really work as a solution. They'll need to learn sometime, why not now?

riverboat1 · 21/04/2015 19:26

YANBU. The thing is getting them to do it regularly without it being a case of you nagging all the time. In principle DP is supposed to do the washing up all the time as I do all the cooking, but in reality he does a half hearted job and it annoys me so I end up doing quite a bit of it myself...

WestEast · 21/04/2015 19:26

DP's mum never made him wash up, put a load of washing on, made his bed for him.
He was in for a short sharp shock when he realised the presence of ovaries in my abdomen did not automatically make me his maid.
Do you sons a favour and get them involved.

fairyfuckwings · 21/04/2015 19:58

YANBU at all! I work about half the hours my husband works (he works a lot of hours!) but there's no reason your children shouldn't help out. I have mine doing all sorts. They moan, of course, but I don't see why I should be the one doing everything whilst they lounge about the house because they're "tired" after 6 hours at school and a walk of approximately 10 minutes!

Original poster
BabyGanoush · 21/04/2015 20:04

Great, I feel understood Smile

Yes, aplaceonthecoych, it is the principle of it

Geekymum, yes that is it

Yes spybot...DH thinks I have s weird obsession with SURFACES

I think I need to nag a bit to get it going. Tried it last week when DH muttered :"I have no time for social experiments" after which I got very angry and he apologised....now I need to keep the fucking momentum going

In the end I am doing them all a favour really

I find that being a part time working housewife doesn't always get you the respect you deserve!

The banging and arguing and crying (ffs!) were winding me up so I hid in AIBU to distract myself

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 21/04/2015 20:15

YANBU and make sure they do it properly, leaving all the surfaces clean and pots put away. No half measures.

deedee33 · 21/04/2015 20:20

'Social experiment'???? Is he living in the 1950s????

I don't understand how this could be remotely U - why should your working day be any longer than DH's ffs???

I hope he isn't demonstrating with his antedeluvian attitude there is something unmanly or demeaning about being competent and responsible in the home?

Yy to comment above about dcs having to fend for themselves with useless housemates: exactly what my 17-y-o said when he asked to be shown how to make a roast: I still want to eat nice food when i am living with people who can't cook.

In my courting days I found being cooked for by a man v seductive. And I joke that I married DH for his cooking (and actually I kind of did!)

Original poster
BabyGanoush · 21/04/2015 20:44

Deedee he retracted that comment and apologised, but it made ne realise I Really needed to change something!!!

Oldest DS is keen to learn to cook (he can do some basic dishes), DH never cooked.

He lived on microwave burgers and pot noodle. At the time I thought that hilarious (hohoho...)

OP posts:
CobbOnn · 21/04/2015 20:57

YANBU. My DH does the lions share of the housework, because it comes naturally - he's been doing it since he was a child.

We are already teaching our 18MO DSlittle bits- wiping spillages, sweeping. I intend him to have a variety of practical skills. Washing up is an absolute must.

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2015 10:33

What is a 'social experiment'?

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