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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my job even though I fear it would put my boss in a difficult situation.

34 replies

SmallPrawn · 20/04/2015 18:06

I'm a regular but have namechanged for this.

I've been in the same profession/job for over 10 years. I've had some great times there and absolutely love my colleagues and my boss, it is the most gorgeous environment you can imagine and for many years I could never imagine leaving, but the nature of the job is driving me nuts. My plan was to carry on for 4 to 5 more years and then to look for a job that uses many of the skills I have in my current job but is very different day to day. I have always had a dream job in mind. This is quite an unusual position and it doesn't come up very often.

So, my dream job has just come up. Not only that but I know many of the people who work in the organisation already and they have encouraged me to apply. I'm not being boastful in saying I think I have a good chance of getting the job if I do apply.

But this is my dilema. I do want to do this eventually but wasn't planning to do it right now. Things are incredibly busy and a little unsettled at work right now and my boss (who is also a friend) is under alot of pressure both at work and home. If I got the job I would have to leave fairly soon and I know it would put her in a very difficult situation in terms of recruitment. I would, of course serve my notice but she has no idea I am even thinking of leaving so I know she will be very upset and stressed. I honestly don't know if I can do it to her or if, in fact I am ready to leave. However, these jobs come up so rarely I feel that I might be really pissed off if I don't take this chance. Any opinions would be very gratefully received! Thanks!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 20/04/2015 18:08

Do it! Apply for the job!
You will regret it if you don't. And if your boss if also a friend as you say they will be happy for you.
You might be able to help your boss to recruit your replacement if that would make you feel any better about leaving?

BoyScout · 20/04/2015 18:08

I think, in the nicest possible way, you have to put yourself first. It's lovely that you are concerned for her but you only get one life and you can't live it for other people.

IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 20/04/2015 18:10

I would say apply for the new job - you are loyal to your boss, but I have found previously that, when it suits them, companies have very little loyalty to you ... Why lose out on the perfect job for you? Good luck!

Duckdeamon · 20/04/2015 18:10

You have given ten years of good performance and will work the notice. It isn't at all horrible or selfish to prioritise your career goals and enjoyment of work over your current employer or colleagues, no matter how friendly you are. Just as, for example, she would have to make you redundant should it be required for business reasons.

PerspicaciaTick · 20/04/2015 18:11

Follow your dream.
I don't normally come over all X factor, but in this case I think you would be lovely but foolish to prioritise your boss' feeling over your own future. If she is a good friend, she will understand. Perhaps there is some way you could offer to ease the transition in terms of documenting your role, training colleagues, acting as a mentor...but ultimately I'd go for the new job.

Original poster
SmallPrawn · 20/04/2015 18:13

Thank you both so much. I really appreciate your replies. Unfortunately for my boss this has come at the time when I am particularly snowed under with work so the thought of doing something different is SO tempting. It's just a huge step and it's come too quickly if you see what I mean. However, I also think it's now or never.

OP posts:
Original poster
SmallPrawn · 20/04/2015 18:14

Do you think, if I was offered the job, I could possibly ask to start in say 3 months time rather than sooner? I know that would help my boss out alot or is that a ridiculous request?

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 20/04/2015 18:15

No, that would be a bad start and unprofessional.

AlternativeTentacles · 20/04/2015 18:17

Even a boss who is a friend would probably not hesitate to apply for their dream job.

AlternativeTentacles · 20/04/2015 18:18

Do you think, if I was offered the job, I could possibly ask to start in say 3 months time rather than sooner?

No. If your current company needed a longer notice period then they would have asked for one.

PerspicaciaTick · 20/04/2015 18:20

No. Don't drag your new job into your personal relationship with your friend.

shoofly · 20/04/2015 18:20

You have to do what is best for you and your family! Apply for the job and work your notice. Loyalty frequently is a one way street and you will regret not taking the opportunity!

ChasedByBees · 20/04/2015 18:21

As someone in your boss' position, go for the job. What is your notice period? Mine is three months anyway. I think that the new company might think it's very loyal of you to want to help your own company but they will be more concerned with their job and they will be worried at a sign of potential low commitment. I would work your notice period only, it should be designed to cover the recruitment period if needed.

Original poster
SmallPrawn · 20/04/2015 18:22

Yes, fair points everyone. I'ts just that I know the recruitment process for my particular job can be quite challenging especially at the time of year I'd be leaving but I can see that this would appear a bit ott.

OP posts:
DevaDiva · 20/04/2015 18:22

Apply! If this job comes up that rarely you could be waiting a long time for this opportunity to come again. Good luck

Original poster
SmallPrawn · 20/04/2015 18:25

Thanks again! Another question, would I be silly to tell my boss I'm applying? I just feel as if this will come totally out of the blue if I don't and she will feel blindsided.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/04/2015 18:26

If your boss's dream job came up, do you think she would hesitate before applying for it?

Casimir · 20/04/2015 18:26

Clearly your 'lovely boss' is not so good. Incredibly busy, unsettled... lack of management, forward planning, all that stuff. Leave, nicely though, they will cope.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 20/04/2015 18:27

What's your current notice period? Just because you have been asked to apply for the job, doesn't mean that you will get it but you'd be daft not to apply for it. The notice period in my previous job was three months. Anyway by the time they shortlist, interview, offer & process the paperwork & notice period worked three months will have flown by. Send the application form in pronto.

NameChange30 · 20/04/2015 18:27

No, do not tell your boss you're applying. You don't even know if you'll get an interview yet!

Purplepoodle · 20/04/2015 18:28

I don't think your being ott. I asked new job if I could start in 3 months rather than 1 month when they offered me the job. We compromised on 2 months as I wanted to finish up my previous contract before starting new job.

Purplepoodle · 20/04/2015 18:30

I wouldn't tell boss I'm applying but I would tell as soon as I got an interview

madmother1 · 20/04/2015 18:30

No! Don't tell your boss. If you didn't get it you'll be in a horrible position of having to still work at your old company with your boss knowing you don't want to be there.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 20/04/2015 18:31

Don't tell your boss until you have been offered the job and have accepted it. You may not get it so don't give her a chance to jeopardise this opportunity for you, she may pile on the guilt trip etc. You need to start preparing for the interview and not have to deal with any drama from your boss, you have to start thinking very clinically about your career and what's best for you.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 20/04/2015 18:32

Do not give them warning. If this doesn't come off you may find your work environment very difficult to be in once you have told them. You may also find out that they are quite happy to put themselves first - as plenty of others have in the past. Business is business, everyone has to look after themselves first and foremost including them. Honestly, it's lovely that you care but don't let your care for them leave you in a vulnerable position. Go through the recruitment process like everyone else.