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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH spending time with female neighbour

60 replies

jujo01 · 20/04/2015 14:30

Long story short. DH spending a lot of time with recently separated neighbour. All socialise together, but he stays on after I come home and once fell asleep on the sofa, came home 5am. Got fed up and said it's too much, must stop. He finally agreed. Then last week, when I was out, went over there and shared a bottle of wine. I came home and caught him coming out, after he had lied that he was home watching TV. Gave an ultimatum, which he accepted. When I asked what he had told DSS, said 'I've told him I'm not allowed to go there any more'. AIBU to expect more support than that, feel totally sick about the whole thing.

OP posts:
ItsADinosaur · 21/04/2015 15:24

How will you be sure there is no contact?

FluffyTheEvilOne · 21/04/2015 15:34

He told DSS he's 'not allowed' to go round anymore?? What a childish thing for a grown man to say. I'm so sorry OP, everything I've read makes me think that he is just saying what he knows you want to hear. I fear the temptation will be too much for him to 'just pop round' when you are out. What a shitty situation they've both put you in.

Number3cometome · 21/04/2015 15:35

I don't think I could trust him any more, how do you know what is going on when you are not about?

I think I would have a word with her and make it very clear it's not on.

richthegreatcornholio · 21/04/2015 15:38

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ptumbi · 21/04/2015 15:45

That's a great post rich. Hmm Written by a man, I assume?

Men only have affairs with 'fit' women. Obvs. So if she's a 'hippocrocopig', she is unlikely to have a man interested in her - even though she may be a lovely human being, have a great personality and be fab in bed? Hmm Hmm

Lonecatwithkitten · 21/04/2015 15:46

Sadly rich they don't need to be fit. Another one here house Ex was having sex cups of tea at another woman's house.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2015 15:51

Yes there is something going on between them, be it an emotional affair of and out and out sexual one. He is lies and is secretive, I would not trust him as far as I could throw him. Do some detective work, when he has his phone lying about, sneak a peak, or if you can see his emails. I personally would LTB.

Original poster
jujo01 · 21/04/2015 15:55

Hello again folks. I actually have the 'lady' in question's email, and am so tempted to send her this link....
She is attractive I think - tall, blonde, slim. She has two young daughters (9 and 5) which makes me think she would pause.... DH says he 'has a laugh' and 'banter' when there, that 'she's a friend, we can't just ignore her'. I have said, oh yes we can. And what about making our life a bit more fun, put some effort in chum..

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 21/04/2015 16:21

So is she a single lady?

I'd still go round there with a bottle of wine, pretending to be friends, then 'confide' in her that OH is having an affair and you have caught something terrible - and what would she do?

The look on her face alone if she had slept with him would be enough....

Original poster
jujo01 · 21/04/2015 16:25

Yes, she's single. Her husband left her a year ago. Can't do the bottle of wine thing, relationship has deteriorated too much. Could always clout her round the head with it tho' ;)

OP posts:
FujimotosElixir · 21/04/2015 16:41

i think you neex to speak to her woman to woman op.

FujimotosElixir · 21/04/2015 16:42

*need

goldylookingpane · 21/04/2015 16:43

Yes, she's single. Her husband left her a year ago.

As sad as that is, it's not your problem.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/04/2015 16:46

Not good. He's a twat.

browneyedgirl86 · 21/04/2015 16:48

I would be suspicious! It does sound like something is going on. But like you say OP even if it were a male friend staying out till 5am isn't great. When it's a female friend and you have been lied to I would not be happy.

I don't know if I could trust my DP if he did that.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/04/2015 16:49

Sorry, not helpful! But I would be pressing it to him that it can't continue. Esp. the lying. Hmm

ImNameyChangey · 21/04/2015 16:58

I would see how serious he is about not going there any more. I am devious and also untrusting so I would tell him I was going somewhere believable...somewhere that would get me out of the area for at least 4 hours on an evening.

Then I would wait...and then I would go and check.

hidingfromthem · 21/04/2015 16:58

i would not be happy with this at all.
sorry OP.
you're quite right to put your foot down.

ahbollocks · 21/04/2015 17:17

Op, not to be a total dick here but you know he has probably already cheated right? I think you need to do less blocking and more thinking about whether
A) he actually wants to be with you/vice versa?
B) could you forgive him?

This is from my bitter experience of constantly chasing around after every woman who seemed to orbit around my ex. I caught him in thr act years after I started getting suspicious. And to be honest if a man is going to cheat, he is GOING to cheat, it doesn't matter how many evil looks you throw, how many 'words' you have or how many times you check his phone.

My advice would be to walk away.

richthegreatcornholio · 21/04/2015 17:29

Men only have affairs with 'fit' women

Well I can't imagine anyone wanting to have an affair with someone they don't find attractive.

ptumbi · 21/04/2015 18:49

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quietbatperson · 21/04/2015 19:52

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FujimotosElixir · 21/04/2015 21:03

hope op is ok can't imagine what shes going through

Justusemyname · 21/04/2015 21:10

Look at his phone/email..

mildlyacquiescent · 21/04/2015 21:11

Poor OP. There's really no chance this is innocent.