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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish I'd slept around more when younger?

72 replies

whydobirdsfallout · 20/04/2015 13:49

I was ridiculously good in my youth. I had a few bf I didn't sleep with then a long term boyfriend of 8 years then my DH. So only slept with 2 people. Sometimes when watching stuff on telly like 'Made in Chelsea' etc. I wish I'd slept with more men. I do have a good sex life with DH but I am not that adventurous probably because of my lack of experience. I wish I had experimented more with men who didn't matter.

OP posts:

whothehellknows · 21/04/2015 15:09

OP, I kind of felt the same when I was married. I think it was because I met my husband when I was 19 and inexperienced and he was much older. For me at that age, sex was mostly about validation and feeling loved, and I followed his lead. By the time I had really matured sexually, the patterns of our love life had been set and it was hard to change his view of me.

We've since seperated, and I admit that feeling more sexually liberated is a lovely change. Now if I want to sleep with someone, I feel like I take a lot more control and have a lot more fun. I'm not self conscious now, which makes a big difference.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 21/04/2015 15:18

I had lots of (mostly) great casual sex in my youth, I wasn't searching for anything other than an orgasm to be brutally honest. I have had two long term relationships, married them both. With ExDH we had an open relationship - we both had sex with other people regularly. DH couldn't cope with that sort of a relationship so we are monogamous. I do sometimes miss the sexual freedom I had with ExDH, but the sex is better with DH so I suck it up!

I am with all the other on this thread who say to experiment with your DH, you may be surprised what you can get up to!

airedailleurs · 21/04/2015 16:44

I was a late starter but I think I made up for that ...the only regret I have is sleeping with a guy who unbeknownst to me was a friend of someone I REALLY liked and it kind of killed any chance I had with him...

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2015 16:49

I had lots of sex when I was younger. And again when I've been older and single. It was mostly great - and if it wasn't it makes a good anecdote.

worksallhours · 21/04/2015 17:51

Lines ... you describe a teenager as the "school bike" but then try to claim you are not making a moral judgment?

MerynFuckingTrant · 21/04/2015 18:09

YANBU I had a very strict religious upbringing and my mother was very controlling and abusive. I'd have been beaten and my life would have been made even more hellish had I lost my virginity before I was married. My fear of my mother was greater than anything else.
I married DH when I was 21 and do sometimes regret not shagging about a bit when I was younger. I regret that I didn't really have a "youth".
There's nothing wrong with mine and DH's sex life but there are people in my past I wish I'd had sex with when I had the chance. It kind of feels "unfinished". Not that I'll ever see any of them or anything. I also would have liked to have had a same sex relationship.
Nothing I can do about it though and I'm happy with my life now.

viva100 · 21/04/2015 18:11

YABVU I slept around a bit and also had 1 long term relationship (plus my now rel. with soon to be DH). The best sex I have ever had has always been in my two long-term relationships. Most men don't know much/don't care about what women really like - they're either too quick or make themselves to go waaay too long (because they think pounding like a porn star is what women really want) and are very clumsy with their hands, grabbing your boobs like they're stress balls. Seriously, you did not miss a thing!!! I now look at DH and think what the hell was wrong with me sleeping with those idiots. I was way out of their league. Sorry if that was TMI

loveareadingthanks · 21/04/2015 18:49

CaptainTripps I only asked if the OP grew up thinking sex is 'wrong/bad/dirty' and that is why she feels a lack of confidence now with her husband. I didn't mean to imply that she should have done things differently when she was younger. If this was the reason she did not have sex much earlier in her life, it might still be having a knock on effect now. The answer isn't to mourn a missed wild time in her youth, it's to look at the reasons for feeling her sex life isn't adventurous enough now, and that could be one part of it.

OP - he's your husband. Go wild!

Ionone · 21/04/2015 20:13

I've probably slept with around fifty to sixty men, the vast majority of those before the age of thirty. It was good fun and I certainly don't regret it.

Branleuse · 21/04/2015 20:16

tbh, I cant even remember most of the people ive slept with, and half the time I was doing it because I wanted to be loved.
Appreciate what youve got.

crazylady12 · 21/04/2015 20:30

Am only 24 but I regret sleeping around I think in some way it has damaged me and I struggle with normal relationships, probably because it opens my eyes to what most men are really like, If could go back I would.

Brummiegirl15 · 21/04/2015 20:40

I'm another one who doesn't regret my younger years. I do cringe about a few though.

And I know I slept with some because I wanted them to want me which is not a good enough reason.

But I believe every person you meet teaches you something about who is right for you.

And I ended up with my DP. Who us amazing and I love very much.

But I certainly enjoyed the journey getting to him. But he's all I need now, and I'm sure your other half is all you need now

PekeandPollicle · 21/04/2015 20:48

I had a fair few ons (usually pretty awful drunken fumbles) plus a couple of longer to long term relationships or fwb. I don't regret it, and learnt a lot about what I like, but find DH generally far more satisfying because we're both prepared to put in find effort for the other and partly because I find it much easier to be imaginative with someone i trust rather than someone I've just met.

Branleuse · 21/04/2015 20:52

i don't regret it either but its not something i look back and think ahh what a great time in my life particularly. The best sex , most adventurous most fulfilling most exciting, has only ever been in good relationships

nowitscleanugobshite · 21/04/2015 21:04

One partner. Stbxh. I was with him since I was 17. Even with my lack of experience I knew that he wasn't great in bed-long story, but he had a few sexual issues that he managed to blame me for and hadn't come near me in 16 years. That does a lot for your self esteem!. I was abused emotionally, financially, verbally etc and then as the children got older and started to stand up to him on my behalf, he got violent with our DD-once. That was the end for me. I could put up with a lot, but not that.! He left (thank God!) when I was 47. I'm now 49 (and he is still fighting over money-the children don't want anything to do with him. He can accept that. But he is fighting HARD over finances!)
I can't see me ever getting back "out there" as I was never "out there to begin with! But I'd dearly love to experience being with someone who liked me! I can hardly remember what that felt like. And I'm not horrible, or ugly, or fat. I just was made to feel like I was all of those things. So yes. I wish I'd played the field. I wish I'd appreciated having "the" boys call to my door at 16! I wish I'd not gone for the one I felt a bit sorry for! I wish I'd thought of me. Not him!

misscph1973 · 22/04/2015 13:12

Oh, nowitscleanugobshite, sorry to hear about your experiences. I know it's easy to think that you should have left before, but people no one leaves before they are ready, and it's often that last straw. But you did end it, and good for you.

I imagine you need to heal a lot emotionally, but I am sure you can meet someone decent and make up for lost time. From my perspective it looks so much easier now with internet dating, no need to go to some ridiculous night club or something.

Plarail123 · 22/04/2015 13:19

You didn't miss much, especially not feeling really shit about yourself. You sound nice, don't regret being a good, moral person!

glittertits · 22/04/2015 13:37

Plarail Really? People who do choose to have safe, consensual casual sex do not have morals?

loveareadingthanks · 22/04/2015 16:40

It's nothing to do with morals, Plarail.

Anyway OP, I've found sex just gets better the older I get. I thought it was good when I was younger, but looking back, not so much, as I was with my own age group on the whole. Men need a bit of practice to get much good - the 20's age group may look hot but they are a bit shit in bed compared to a 50 year old who knows what he's doing.

airedailleurs · 22/04/2015 17:22

Plarail

SolidGoldBrass · 23/04/2015 00:05

Sexual morality is nothing to do with how many partners you have. It's got everything to do with how you treat them.

hayley2019 · 24/11/2019 19:50

The Women on this thread who have slept with more tham 2 or 3 men are very insecure women. Love your husband and talk to him . Some of the women that boast of sleeping with loads of men are just loose women , Love overides everything , these loose women have never been loved and probably the men that shagged them also had fun at their expenses.

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