"I couldn't respect my partner if he was a SAHD"

[Sansarya]

I have recently returned to work after 14 months off with DS and was having a conversation with a friend the other day. I said that DS is in nursery but if I earned enough then I'd happily work and DP would be happy to be a SAHD for a few years.

She was shocked and said she would never be able to respect her partner if he stayed at home as men are supposed to provide for their families! She also said she'd never be with someone who earned less than her.

Now I know she's entitled to her opinion etc etc but AIBU to think she's BU??

My DH is a SAHD and had a few similar comments. After maternity, we both went part time for a while, to share care, and GPs picked up the extra day.

When I went back to full time (got a promotion), I would get the sad face from people saying what a shame it was that I couldn't spend as much time at home, while simultaneously berating DH for not going back to work at all.

Although I love being at home with DS, I have the much greater work stability and promotion prospects. DH has an auto-immune condition, no education or qualifications after the age of 15 and was self-employed in a hard manual job. He adores being a SAHD and as well as being happy that both he and DS are loving it, I'm also relieved that DH isn't straining himself physically as he was before.

He's also a MUCH better cook than me and handles all the shopping / batch cooking / washing up etc. along with other household chores, which helps me not feel guilty about being at work so much.

So she could potentially end up single for a very long time and miss out on having kids because she's waiting to meet someone wealthy enough... Ok.

I grew up thinking if I wanted to dress head to toe in Gucci it was down to me to get a job that would allow me to do that. Not hope I met a rich man. (I settled for Next/New Look!)

What if she had a son, would she want him to be judged on his earning potential and to be expected to provide for his wife? Maybe she would.