to just let a 8 year old have a messy bedroom

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sick of nagging, tried alsort of rewards[bribes] but sick of it tbh

casimir who you saying feels judged?

I don't
just sick of nagging

I do not allow food or drink in there either

its just toys clothes

i was allowed to live with lots of mess, and grew up in a pretty messy house

TBH later as a teen I was quite embarrassed by the mess

Now as an adult I hate that I leave a trail of mess everywhere, and do wish I had had the opportunity to embed properly some better skills in this area when I was growing up.

so as a result my poor DC have to have a basic tidy up at the end of the day, and once each month I help them have a proper tidy - Barbie bits all reunited in the Barbie drawer, lego all together, craft materials returned to the cupboard downstairs. they admit that while they hate doing it, they love it when everything is back in its place and they can find everything they want in an instant.

Mine are 10 and 11 and I wouldn't allow it. Their rooms are untidier than the rest of the house as they both seem to like clutter - and that's fine. However they absolutely cannot leave things lying on the floor, dirty dishes, rubbish or stuff generally not put away.

I will pick up the odd thing but generally they have to do it themselves. If I am going to clean, they have a 30 minute warning and anything left lying about is fair game for going in the bin.

They are not allowed to live in squalor as their rooms are in the family home.

I've been thinking about this with my 8 and nearly 6 year old.

My main argument is that it's me they want to help find things when they can't and part of the purpose of putting things away is so that they can be found easily.

I tend to do a quick 10 mins each day if I'm wfh or a longer stint one evening or weekend if I've been out at work a lot. It doesn't actually take that long if everything has a place, but I do accept that they're not old enough to 'tidy up' independently yet. I also can't face the thought of nagging about it.

I do ensure that their random crap doesn't spill over to the rest of the house, though. That gets taken upstairs every day, so I don't feel overwhelmed by it.

Also, no food in bedrooms until they're older. There's just aesthetic issues for me, not hygiene ones.

I have tried everything with dd, all those who say they wouldn't allow it haven't met my dd.
She is so stubborn and will still carry on when most other dc would have given up. She can have everything stopped or taken off her and still a messy bedroom.
We have a no food rule, she steals a packet of biscuits and takes them upstairs.
Her clothes are hidden behind furniture, we found a load yesterday.
I have learned to choose my battles as she is so good in other ways and helps so much around the house.
She just refuses to keep tidy and organised.
Since she has been awy this week we have gutted her room, so she won't be happy to find a lot of her stuff in the bin/ charity shop/ friends younger dc

gamora sounds like an excellent idea, have just done same sort of thing for DD and she thanked me profusely for helping her, and she has responded by putting things away properly.

You need to help with the easy storage, and make it easy for them.

I am in no way a tidy or oganised person but having basic levels makes sense esp when venturing into the world of lego!

volumia

I know what you mean but being un tidy does not make us bad people...in fact best people I know are more un tidy on the scale.

I make my 8 year olds bed and expect her to make a half hearted attempt at tidying but my anal tendencies come out and I retidy everyday so that it's done the way I like it, I expect a little more from my 12 year old but always pop in and finish off the bed and tidy up a bit.

My 5 year old daughter's bedroom had been a tip for months.. while she was at her dad's, I sorted through it, bought under the bed storage boxes (1 for pens & crafty bits, 1 for toys etc) & she has promised to keep it tidy. Every morning she makes her bed, opens her curtains & puts dirty laundry in the basket. Sunday evenings are when I check it - if it's untidy then she doesn't go to rainbows. She would hate to miss out on rainbows so she's been brilliant!

I tell my daughter to tidy her room and stay there while she does it to tell her what to do, like put the books on the shelf, the games back in the boxes and the clothes back where they should go. If I just left her to it she wouldn't have a clue. She hoovers as she thinks it's a novelty to be allowed to do it and tries to dust as well. She doesn't like sleeping in it when it's too messy and I won't do it all for her anymore so that helps. Also, she isn't allowed to take food or drinks up there so no nasty shocks when tidying in there!

Mine are 11 and 6, I'm going with messy is fine as long as its not dirty and i can get to the bed to change it. I spend enough time nagging without worrying about their rooms.

They arent allowed food in their rooms so no dirty dishes to go manky and cups have to brought out in the morning or no drink the next night. 6 year olds room actually isnt too bad apart from her dirty washing lives on the floor less than a foot from the washing basket, 11 year old is getting better now but for quite a while there was one little clear footpath to his bed and the rest was a tip until he got fed up if the mess.

I've always hated messy bedrooms. No idea why but even if my other rooms tip into mess squalor on occasion, my bedroom always has a tidy floor and a made bed.

So DS (6) has to tidy his room too. He knows where everything goes so it takes five minutes before bed at most. He does try to circumvent the tidying by slowing migrating toys downstairs so our sitting room is more likely to have toys lying out than his bedroom. Downstairs, I'll help him to tidy. But upstairs in his bedroom, I just remind him where stuff goes if he can't remember. We have a no food upstairs rule, and also no tablet/leapfrog upstairs. He has to put his own clothes in the laundry basket too.

I think it's important for DS to learn to tidy for himself and to not have any subliminal messages that women clean up after you. I can see the negative effects of that type of upbringing on DH

I've often wondered whether leaving the DCs to tidy/not tidy their rooms as they feel fit is wise - does it teach them to live in a mess? If I tidied for them now would they eventually do it themselves because they'd see the advantages of living in a tidy space? If I nagged them every day would they rebel and be even less tidy in the future, when they're out of nagging range? Is tidiness innate or learnt?
I am not tidy, our house is not tidy, but food stays in the kitchen (which is kept clean and clear of junk) and the mess in the rest of the house does get cleared up enough to hoover.
After reading all of the above posts I'm still not sure which way is correct!

I ask DD to tidy her room up properly once or twice a week. I don't worry about it too much tbh.

The 'mess' is generally schleich fairy things, lego, dressing up, books and drawing things.

It is very messy at times, but she does it when asked. I could ask every day, but I don't.

Some days I feel like all I do is hurry her along to get up, get ready for school, do her homework, etc., etc..

I don't want to be an old nag, the mess is contained in her room so I don't feel that it affects me too much and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter that much to me/DH.