to just let a 8 year old have a messy bedroom

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sick of nagging, tried alsort of rewards[bribes] but sick of it tbh

Doesn't work for me. Mine are 6 and 9 and they keep their rooms tidy or no pocket money and docking of privileges. They need to learn how to be responsible for and look after their things and themselves in a clean matter, not be a slattern. It really doesn't bode well in life to be someone who is filthy and doesn't know how to look after a living space. I feel it's my job to teach them that even though it's a PITA.

It has taken me all day to do dds room, she is far worse than the 2 ds were and dh has tidied whilst I sorted.
charity shop bags galore and filled the wheelie bin.
she is away at school till wednesday and i'm hoping she comes back more organised having met a room mate who is tidy.
Well, you can live in hope

Mine have to tidy up before they get dinner. That's the rule everyday so it never gets too bad. Also no leaving the house in the morning unless the bed is made and laundry off the floor.

I'm with Hak and Ethel. Shared spaces, hygiene, contributing to housework, teaching them to look after themselves, yes, yes yes.
Food in rooms - absolutely not.
But otherwise if it's their own room ...

There are so many things in life to fight about, why add to them?

I wouldn't want a room full of ants and dirty plates. Dirty underwear left about is unnecessary

I had to laugh at this.
Why do so many MNers think there are only two extremes of any situation, and no middle ground ?

The OP is talking about a messy bedroom, not a health hazard. A I said earlier, all my dc seem to have inherited dh's gene of 'never finishing anything' / 'never having a system / never throwing stuff away' so all their rooms are messy, but there isn't any dirty undewear or ants in any of their rooms

I agree backforgood

Food is not allowed in bedrooms here anyway. And dirty clothes go in laundry basket straight away, I'm strict about that.

But toys and books on the floor = not dirty or unhygienic so not a big deal. As long as she tidies them away before I clean her room.

I also allow such horrors as posters on the walls stuck on with blu tack

I think an 8-year-old can find it difficult to know how to tidy. Some won't, but I imagine most would need some guidance at least. Try writing a list of what needs doing, that they can tick/cross jobs off as they're completed.

I have a young 7 year old so yhings might be diffeent in a year, but what I find is that quite apart from her basic unwillingness to do it, is the fact she is not actually sure how! so we do it together once a week or so and I just give her small tasks, eg you collect all the lego pieces while I put away your washing, next you put all your pencils back in your pencil case, etc etc. hopefully I am making it more manageable for her, but not letting her away with it altogether?

I have a 7 year old DS and I would describe his room as messy. We have a no food/drinks rule fir his room which he is fine with. My DH side of our room would also be messy if he didn't have me to tidy it up for him !!!

I do find it hard sometimes to see my sons rooms in its messy state as I'm a pretty tidy person on the whole but I keep saying to myself he is 7 not 47. I also think that when it gets too bad it becomes too much for him to know where to start.

What works for us is simple measures and not me nagging about it as a whole eg he know his CDS go on the top of his cabinet rather than just left on the floor for Daddy to tread on as happened recently. Clothes go in the laundry bin in bathroom and are not left on the floor. There is a clear Lego free pathway between his bed and the door. He makes his bed before he goes to school - this means he puts the pillows at top of the bed and his duvet goes on his bed rather than being left in a heap on the floor. If it starts to get too messy then we have quick task tidy up eg I say please can you put all your cars away in the next 5 mins and then it will be time for TV, or you have 5 mins before tea and I would like you to make sure the cars are all back in the car box. He is getting better and what has worked is when he can't find something and realises that if he had put it where it belonged it wouldn't be lost!

My room was a pigsty as a teen. Absolute filth, and even got to the point where my poor mum even refused to go in . I grew out of it as soon as I got my own flat at 18.

Fast forward ten years and I was nagging my own Dd about her room the same way! She sometimes tidies it, sometimes she doesn't, sometimes I tidy it, sometimes I don't.

There's no ants, rats, mice or mouldy underwear.

But there's a door. So I close it.

My ds's (9) room is a pig sty but it's just toys, there's no actual dirt or bits of food or anything. He never wears shoes in it or eats in there. I make sure all his dirty clothes come out every day. I help him tidy it once in awhile when I hoover but leave him to it most of the time!

My dd is a teenager and her room is her responsibility. It veers between a tip and a show room, as she occasionally gets very motivated and has a big clear out/rearrangement. Unfortunately she is messy and really just accumulates too much stuff to keep put away properly. I tend to talk to her from the doorway when it gets really bad, make comments on the sheer volume of discarded underwear (she does her own washing so leaves it until the last moment), and tell her that she needs to clear it up before her friends come over.

At eight however I would more likely have come in and done the clean up with her. We've mostly operated on a weekly houseclean, and although our children (older ds) were supposed to do it themselves it often got on top of dd, so I'd come in and help/organise her once a month or so. We found that making a regular time that everyone cleaned the house together worked well, less of a 'dd your room is a state clean it up, and more of a it's housework time, lets go' approach.

I had so many rows with my parents about tidying my room. They're both dead now and it makes me qute sad when I think about it.

I remember maintaining as a child/teen that it was my right to decide whether my bedroom was messy or not!

My (tidy) brother was constantly allowed to say "it's my room, so I decide about it", so I didn't see why couldn't apply the same reasoning.

It wasn't being tidy per se that I objected to, but being nagged about it. So I was messy almost on principle.

I was awful as a child, but I grew up with a hoarder and never actually learned how to tidy up properly. My room had lots of random things from other family members that no one cared for any more, but they weren't mine to clear out. My version of tidying was to shove it under the bed/ into a cupboard until I got distracted by something interesting. My storage was also inefficient and didn't match my needs.

Ds1 is 4, but I'm involving him in looking after his toys and clothes. We set timers for little challenges (1 minute to put the Lego in the box, 1minute for the train tracks). Hopefully he'll learn how to tidy a couple of decades ahead of me... I can cope with untidiness, but it does need to stay in a state where it can be cleaned easily.

Sorry - got distracted and didn't finish my post. Anyway 40-odd years later, I still remember those rows and I think that's why I now keep room tidying rules to a minimum.

There are some things you have to argue with your kids about but I just don't believe a tidy (not unhygienic) bedroom is one of them. I think life's too short.

I go into dd (7)'s room and feel depressed. It's quite big with what should be enough storage (wardrobe, big bookcase, desk with small drawers, 2 coffee tables with storage underneath, 3 drawer plastic unit, small antique cabinet with lots of mini drawers) but there's still stuff lying everywhere. She does eat & drink in there so there's usually a cup and a plate. Some dirty clothes make it to the laundry basket, some are on the floor. The floor's not actually too bad (probably because it's quite big) but there are piles of 'stuff' high on every surface. It's too much for even me to tackle, let alone her! I don't want to be my mother, a clean freak, always nagging me. But it would look so much nicer if it was just a bit more organised.

We recently added big high shelves to help but they are just full too! (And it's a pain that we need to bring in the ladder to reach them).

She hasn't got Lego and I try to avoid toys with lots of little bits but it's still chaos! Dc3 is coming soon and will be sharing probably at some point. Not only will we have to find room for a cot and other wardrobe but it will need to be baby proofed too!

She seems happy with it though and it's messy rather than dirty- it does get hoovered every couple of weeks or so.

I don't know what to do!

I have a 9 year old and a 13 year old, and their rooms are their look out.

The 9 year old keeps hers reasonably tidy, but my 13 year old's is a complete pit.

Every now and then the 13 year old gets fed up with not being able to find something and tidies up.

As long as they put their dirty laundry in the washing basket and bring cups/plates/etc down I don't care. Life is too short.

I pick my battles and the state of their rooms is not a battle I want to get into. I just close the doors

I never understand the obsession with insisting your child has a tidy bedroom. It's their space, i would let them keep it how they choose. And to those of you saying 'it's my house' - it's their house too. They can't move out and have no choice but to live there.

I grew up being nagged constantly and i felt the house was not my home. I felt uncomfortable and like everything which was mine was resented. I don't want my children (or my husband - he is very messy) to feel like that. It's how they are comfortable. Why does my opinion trump theirs?

My dc would not know what to do or where to start if I said, tidy your room, except maybe pile things up.

I think they need direction and supervision. Mine need explicit instructions eg put all your Lego back on the box, put all dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Then a time limit and go back and check.

I think it's unrealistic for an 8 year old to be responsible for tidying their room themselves.

Need simple but very clear rules. E.g. No food in bedrooms.

I think a lot of PPs are a bit mean. At the age of 8 my mum still helped me tidy my room. I grew up to be an ok teenager in regards to tidiness and a very tidy adult. I think at any age if the place becomes really messy it's easy to get overwhelmed and not know where to start. And at the age 8 I still needed supervision, to be told where to put things, how to do it and also a bit of help.

Messy? fine, this is all about you feeling judged because you appear to have failed to be a good mother. No one who matters really cares.

I equate tidying to homework. They need support and help for a few years!

My 2 ds 10 and 7 share a room (their choice). I had several open shelves built for their lego models as their collection is huge and it was the lego causing issues! Beds are always made and other toys put away every night. My parents were hoarders and I struggled with random stuff in my room and all over the house. I make sure everything has a place. My kids love it! My siblings have inherited the hoarders gene and its deja vu for me. I have always had tidy up time at the end of every day and that is instilled in the kids.