Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To not want to hear how terribly busy my friend is, all the time?

46 replies

officermendez · 19/04/2015 21:35

It's all she talks about. When asked how she is, the answer is "busy". If I send her a text, it takes her several days to reply because she's just so very busy. Sometimes she will just send a text saying she's too busy to reply properly at the moment but she'll reply soon.

Her facebook statuses are all about how busy she is. Her husband recently worked away for a week and she went off the scale with her busy-ness.

Bumped into her at the park today and she was saying about how she'd looked at my photos on FB recently of my DCs but had been far too busy to comment on them or like them.

AIBU to find it annoying? Everyone is busy but most of us just manage to get on with it without the need to tell everyone about it all the time!

OP posts:

SunnyBaudelaire · 19/04/2015 21:37

cannot comment without knowing her situation.
She does sound annoying though.
How can you be on facebook, but too BUSY to comment.
She sounds a bit of a loon.

Original poster

officermendez · 19/04/2015 21:39

She has 2 children, works very part time, has family members that look after her children a lot for her.

I'm sure she genuinely is busy, but probably most other people are just as busy every day but don't feel the need to constantly talk about it.

OP posts:

Alpinecrunch · 19/04/2015 21:39

That made me smile. Gawd bless her and her busyness. It does sound irritating.

GoEasyPudding · 19/04/2015 21:43

Everyone has got at least one acquaintance like this. I don't find it annoying as such, just kind of boring. Why bother with someone who has no time even to pass the time of day with you?

Sounds like its time to demote your friend to just an acquaintance, and a Z list acquaintance at that.

workadurka · 19/04/2015 21:45

She can't be that busy if she's pissing about on Facebook...

Yanbu although I've been guilty of this myself. I think it is about feeling important. Or out of control. Just ignore it - hopefully she is self aware enough to get the hint eventually.

Akire · 19/04/2015 21:47

It takes 20 seconds to reply to a text message anone who says it takes days well...... I'd be tempted to take days replying back!

Original poster

officermendez · 19/04/2015 21:47

I think the crux of it is that she likes attention. She manages to turn lots of things into a huge drama, even if it's just a visit to the GP practice nurse because her son has suspected conjunctivitis.

OP posts:

maliaki · 19/04/2015 21:55

People who really are that busy don't have time to shout about it...

People make time for those who matter or things they want to do, the rest just isn't a priority.

If she's that busy she will be glad to have one less person bothering her. If she starts moaning that she hasn't seen you because you haven't been contacting her, you know she just likes to be sought after.

Stitchintime1 · 19/04/2015 21:59

It's just what people say isn't it? How are you? Busy. How are you? Fine. How are you? Fine, coming down with a cold though. How are you? Bit tired. Just got in. Chatter and space filling.

atonofwashing · 19/04/2015 22:11

YANBU.
Poor lamb, though. She must be exaughsted!
I know a couple of ladies just like that. Thankfully they are not close friends or I'd want to...well, anyway. They're not worth the bother. Pay no heed.

A group of friends and myself once travelled across town, with young kids, to a friends home as was arranged. Once we got there we were told she was too busy to see us, but thanks for coming! all round. We've never met there again. Immediate demotion. So rude.

Earlybird · 19/04/2015 22:21

Has she always been like this? Does she seem anxious/stressed? Does it seem as if she is having trouble coping?

Perhaps she simply does't organise herself very well. What if you tackled her on it in a compassionate way, and offered to help her organise herself differently so that she isn't so breathless all the time?

Or she simply could be one of those people who is competitive about her busy-ness, i.e. 'I'm so much busier than you, and look how well I'm handling it'.

RJnomore · 19/04/2015 22:26

????

Jessica2point0 · 19/04/2015 22:26

Some people genuinely think they are more busy than everyone else. They're really annoying.

Charis1 · 19/04/2015 22:28

Have you never been so busy you can't answer a text?

SunnyBaudelaire · 19/04/2015 22:29

well yes if I was at work. but telling someone you saw their fb pix but were 'too busy' to comment is laughable.

Fanfeckintastic · 19/04/2015 22:29

Didn't want to read and run, too busy to reply properly right now but I'm sure someone helpful will be along soon

flyingspaghettimonster · 19/04/2015 22:31

I save "busy" for people I dot have time for. I might not be actually busy, but too busy to deal with their drama...

taxi4ballet · 19/04/2015 23:53

I had a 'busy' friend like this. It always seemed to be me making all the effort, always me ringing her up etc etc. She was always too busy to call me. I'd ring her and she would say sorry but she'd been busy, busy, busy, can't talk for long as I'm on my way out/just got home/far too busy/doing this/doing that/whatever.

Got fed up with it in the end, and left it about 6 months before I rang again.

She only had the cheek to say that she hadn't heard from me in ages, and weren't friends supposed to make an effort to keep in touch?

Stuff that for a game of soldiers. I haven't spoken to her since, and that was about 6 years ago.

Openup41 · 20/04/2015 07:54

What makes me laugh is when people say they are busy and do not do anything over and above the next person. No hobbies, no voluntary work - just looking after two dc who are at school 6 hours a day.

Hathall · 20/04/2015 08:33

People like your friend usually sound disorganised to me.
Most people are busy but they can usually find time to sit and reply to a text. If they want to of course.

EmmaLL25 · 20/04/2015 09:12

Sometimes when people repeat the same thing it's because they feel like they're not being heard. Maybe she wants someone to acknowledge how busy she feels. Whether she is busy compared to you or others doesn't really matter, it's what she feels. Maybe it's really directed at her OH who she feels doesn't help enough?
If I'm having a crap time I say 'I'm busy' it's code for it's been a bit shit really and I didn't want to talk about it (not that anyone knows that!)
Call her on it one day. Not 'gosh yes I'm so busy too doing x,y,z'. Ask what she's going on and listen. If it it just her excuse for being rubbish at staying in touch you'll soon know.

SaucyJack · 20/04/2015 09:15

She's just not that into you. Sorry dude.

MakeItACider · 20/04/2015 09:20

For next time, organise something fabulous. 2 tickets to some brilliant band, event etc. Ask another friend to it.

Then the next time you see her tell her 'Oh I wanted to ask you but you're always so busy, not being able to answer txts, phone calls, all of that, I felt I couldn't put that much pressure on you', and smile at her with a sickly sweet smile.....

EponasWildDaughter · 20/04/2015 09:27

I don't think i've ever replied to the question 'how are you?' with ''busy'' It sounds like a brush off answer to me.

In fact next time i'm trying really hard to keep someone at arms length i might use that!

I had/have (?) a busy friend. She's fine if you're under her nose most days (work with her or live round the corner - ie: in the middle of this imaginary frantic busy busy life), fantastic best mate in fact. Best mate for years ...

... BUT she's a very 'out of sight out of mind' person. Since i've moved a couple of villages away it's been really hard work with her because of this permanent busy-ness. So for the last few months i've done what another poster did - not bothered to do any of the first texting/calling anymore. And sadly we've hardly seen each other since :(

MagentaOeuflon · 20/04/2015 09:28

I think when some people say they're busy it's a way of saying they're important. I had a flatmate like this, everything she did was way more important than anything anyone else did, she was just sooooo busy she would hammer on the bathroom door while you were having a shower to try to turf you out, because SHE had an appointment etc. She was a control freak and total drama queen and it did piss me off.

OTOH I will say I'm too busy to do something if I feel I'm being pressured. I hate being expected to reply to texts, emails etc immediately, so "I'm busy" is a more polite way of saying "stop bugging me".

The friend sounds a bit more like the first one though.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread