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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to hear how terribly busy my friend is, all the time?

46 replies

officermendez · 19/04/2015 21:35

It's all she talks about. When asked how she is, the answer is "busy". If I send her a text, it takes her several days to reply because she's just so very busy. Sometimes she will just send a text saying she's too busy to reply properly at the moment but she'll reply soon.

Her facebook statuses are all about how busy she is. Her husband recently worked away for a week and she went off the scale with her busy-ness.

Bumped into her at the park today and she was saying about how she'd looked at my photos on FB recently of my DCs but had been far too busy to comment on them or like them.

AIBU to find it annoying? Everyone is busy but most of us just manage to get on with it without the need to tell everyone about it all the time!

OP posts:

Sandbrook · 20/04/2015 09:31

I work with a girl like this, she's single with no kids and is constantly too busy for anything. I think she's really lonely and likes to pretend she's up to her neck in it to give an impression of being really popular l.
She insisted on collecting my dry cleaning for me on her lunch break once and then whinged for the rest of the day about how busy she was cos of an unforseen favour she was asked to do on her lunchbreak.

She fills her day to give her something to talk about really.

Anotheronesoon · 20/04/2015 09:39

I might be tempted to come over all concerned to her about the fact that she might not be coping as she seems to be so busy and telling everyone all the time. That might shut her up!

ScathingContempt · 20/04/2015 09:43

I have a friend like that. Monday morning at work was always full of tales of her busy weekend. Making the teenagers' beds, doing their hair, going shopping for clothes for them, making their tea, ironing their clothes, wiping up everywhere after them with wet wipes (yes, teenagers), she was just so busy, busy, busy. I got really irritated when she told me she hoovered the living room 4 times on a Saturday - once when th cat walked through and left loads of car hair, once when the 15 year old trekked mud in, can't remember the other two reasons. It just really highlighted to me that she made herself busy for no good reason.

People like that are either making work for themselves, immensely disorganised or just think that their chores are something highly unusual that no one else does.

deadduck · 20/04/2015 09:47

I know that type. I suspect it's to make themselves feel really important when they're really rather not.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 20/04/2015 09:49

just like owl

To not want to hear how terribly busy my friend is, all the time?

hidingfromthem · 20/04/2015 09:50

yes, i used to have a friend like this, who was always soooooooooo 'busy'.
the truth is - she's an arsewipe and half the people in her town think she's utterly mental - which she is.

your friend is a bit of a narcissist, no?
i wouldn't put up with her, if i were you.

UnbelievableBollocks · 20/04/2015 09:58

Heh - I'm one of those "busy" people. I'm generally operating on a level of stress and anxiety that means I'm constantly on the go, but dreadful at getting things done, getting back to people and generally being good at keeping in touch.

If she annoys you with it, then you don't have to spend time with her. Let it wash over you when she does.

Some of the suggestions here about organising things to do with other people then making a point of telling her she's not invited as she's always too busy as just incredibly petty and mean and I'd hope that folks wouldn't lower themselves like that just to score points.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 20/04/2015 10:13

my MIL is like this, because she is inefficient and needs to keep her self busy

MakeItACider · 20/04/2015 17:24

UnbelievableBollocks - it's not about scoring points. It's about making someone realise the consequences of being 'too busy' to take a phone call, txt back, or just generally be available for other people.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 20/04/2015 17:27

It is annoying as a stock answer and usually contrived IMO.

CaptainFabulous · 20/04/2015 17:28

God, SIL was just like this when she had one child and I had none.

Now I have two kids to her one she keeps a wee bit quieter about it.

patienceisvirtuous · 20/04/2015 17:32

I have a friend like this. It's a major turn iff tbh. I barely contact her now.

feebeecat · 20/04/2015 17:37

YANBU. Sil is like this - get occasional texts/emails that are just one huge list of everything she's done since last one. Doesn't work, two teens who are out the house from 7.30-4.30 & still not a second to do anything.
I do sometimes get sucked in & reply with my own list - two dc under ten, work four days a week, look after aged parent as brother too bloody useless to do anything & she's too busy but I usually try to just let it wash over me.
She's a lovely person, if a bit ditzy & im not sure she realises she's doing it. Think she's just trying to prove she's still 'important'. Always uber-busy before dc!

BarbarianMum · 20/04/2015 17:38

Heh, I'm one of those people. I tell people I'm busy because I am. What is an acceptable answer?

popalot · 20/04/2015 17:38

maybe she is actually busy - she might have a lot going on at the moment. I don't get why that's annoying for you. Either that or she's just not wanting to socialise as much at the moment. Why don't you ask her what's up?

Stealthpolarbear · 20/04/2015 17:43

oh imI'm a bit like this :( I do try to tone it down though. but it's my crap excuse for being disorganised in personal life

maliaki · 20/04/2015 19:10

There's being busy, as in had a busy week and there's 'I'm busy' being used to excuse a lack of communication, friendship or botherment. The buy people I know fall into two camps: the ones who mention it in a catch up, sometimes tack a time to get back to you because they are hectic and still are interested in the friendship. Then there's those who are always 'busy' when you know they're actually just wanting you to fall around them, to make all the effort so they feel that essentially they're the center of things.

Using any of the ideas people have given which involve showing that person what happens when you don't engage, you'll get different response depending on what kind of 'busy person' they are. With the former from above, they are genuinely stressed and busy and won't be gutted by those kind of actions, they'll shrug and say 'that's a shame'. With the latter, they are game players and so they will be gutted and annoyed and rant at you for not chasing them like they expect.

Personally, OP I'd go for letting her come to you. If she likes being chased, she'll be annoyed you haven't bitten. If she's genuinely busy, she'll be glad for the free headspace. If she's trying to cut you off, she'll be glad as will you in the long run.

PushAPushPop · 20/04/2015 20:08

OP maybe we have the same friend...

I have a friend who has no kids, and a 25 hours pw admin job, yet all the time she texts me to tell me how absolutely exhausted she is/ how busy busy busy she has been at work/ how rammed her diary is because she has to see this person and that person....

Yet she is on FB all the time... Thankfully I'm not on fb which is why she updates me personally with her statuses.... yawn

saltnpepa · 20/04/2015 20:34

I'm sorry to say but I think she might be trying to dump you.

code · 24/04/2015 06:41

You could always suggest that maybe she needs to look at her time management. He he.
SIL is like this, always busy, has to book to see us 5 months!!!! ahead. She has dc in school, a cleaner and someone who takes them to and from school and helps her get them ready. She also doesn't cook anything. It's all self generated 'busyness'. MIL is always crowing about how 'difficult' it all is for her. I've almost bit my tongue off not rising to it.

fulltothebrim · 24/04/2015 06:58

Sounds as if

She has a high anxiety state and is having trouble coping

or 2. Has low self esteem and trying to pump up her own importance.

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