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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why men take half an hour to have a poo?

75 replies

molyholy · 19/04/2015 20:17

Why!!!! My dad used to do it. My husband does it. I just want to get in when I need a poo, do it and get out. Men seem to view it as a hobby. Have a read, look at their phone etc. Basically wallowing in the smell of thier own shit. You either need a poo, or you don't! Why why why??????

OP posts:
LargeGlassofWhite · 19/04/2015 21:39

Same here too.
My ex used to keep a stash of FHM magazines next to the toilet, no he wasn't wanking, he just liked reading whilst having a poo.
DH comes home from work, straight to the bathroom for a good 20 mins and catches up with the news etc on his phone.
It takes me about 30 seconds and I'm done, I really wish I had a spare 20 mins to spend on the loo but I think the house would turn to chaos if I tried!

TheHappinessTrap · 19/04/2015 21:42

Well now, I used to agree that it was weird but I have since learned that it is a Good Thing To Do. I now regularly take my phone with me to the loo at work now for an ipoo!

ScathingContempt · 19/04/2015 21:45

I'm female and it takes me a while. If I sit for a few minutes a bit more comes along....

Plus I like the peace and quiet! A hermit in a large household.

McColonel · 19/04/2015 21:53

Funnily enough, i actually read this thread whilst having a dump......

( i am a man by the way)

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 19/04/2015 21:57

Blimey. Someone once admitted to me that he does it to escape his children. I thought it wasn't a bad idea. My bf takes about 15 seconds, it's absolutely bizarre.

SoonToBeMrsB · 19/04/2015 21:58

My DP takes his whole macbook in with him and I can hear him chuckling at old episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm while he poos Hmm

Pico2 · 19/04/2015 21:59

DH doesn't take that long. But he makes up for it by waiting until everyone else is ready to leave the house.

FoodPorn · 19/04/2015 21:59

Wanking. Fact.

SailorsWifesLament · 19/04/2015 22:01

Wanking and pooing at the same time? Ew!

WiIdfire · 19/04/2015 22:06

Medical answer: As a gender (grossly generalising here) they eat less fibre, drink less water -> more constipated -> more time in the bathroom. This is also why they get much worse haemorrhoids, from all the straining.

UpNorthAgain · 19/04/2015 22:07

slightly my XH would regularly keep me waiting for 20 min just before we went out whilst he had a Leisure Poo. I would literally be standing at the door with my coat on and he'd decide he needed to visit the bathroom Angry. I think it was a power thing, wanting to keep me waiting.

PrettyPenguin · 19/04/2015 22:08

CleverPlans
"Is there any genuine medical reason why men need to take half an hour 2 or 3 times a day to poo?"

Errr...yes! Ulcerative colitis and Crohn's Disease, to name but two. As I previously mentioned, I can spend up to an hour in the toilet (actually pooing). This can happen up to 20 times a day sometimes (although not always an hour each time, obviously). I usually take my Kindle or phone in with me to try and take my mind off the excruciating abdominal cramps, or there's a pile of magazines and books in both loos, just in case I've had to race to the bathroom and haven't had time to grab my phone or Kindle.

I don't think people understand how life limiting IBD (not the same as IBS) can be Sad

My DH, on the other hand, definitely takes ages in the loo to avoid having to do childcare... Wink I asked him if it was ever because he'd been wanking. He looked at me in horror and vehemently denied it. He says he can't think of a worse place to wank! LOL

SoonToBeMrsB · 19/04/2015 22:10

FoodPorn I'd be less concerned if I thought DP was wanking but no, he really is just pooing. He doesn't shut the door and I'm treated to a symphony of straining, grunting and laughing at Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm/Everybody Loves Raymond. Boke.

SergeantJarhead · 19/04/2015 22:37

My DH takes his bloody time. I asked him why once and he said he couldn't rush it and had to take his time, even if our son needs feeding/changing/attention >:{ I'm disabled and we have an adapted seat in our shower, so I now read a book in there for 15 minutes a time, what's good for one ...

HormonalHeap · 19/04/2015 22:57

My dh reads and has been known to watch whole dvd's on the throne. Drives me BONKERS but he says it's his escape...

MrsRossPoldark · 19/04/2015 23:07

Haven't laughed out loud so much for ages! My Dad always used to read the newspaper and do his crossword in there. Now it just takes him ages to get there after having his second hip replacement.

DH goes up to 'do a sudoku' and can be there for so long, he can't get up cos his legs have gone numb! And, yes, always the second I have got all 3 kids and the dog ready to go out and packed the car! Then he'll moan that when he does get out, we've all gone off to watch TV it read a book while we all wait for him.

lithewire · 19/04/2015 23:08

Mine once left me hanging around York Railway Museum for half an hour by myself while he had a leisurely evacuation (I don't know why he didn't go before we left the house).

LaLaLaaaa · 19/04/2015 23:13

Mine does this! Always just before we have to leave the house to go somewhere! Or just before we start a film, so I have to sit and wait for him.

TheCatsFlaps · 20/04/2015 00:42

Does he not get the dreaded red ring of confidrnce, HormonalHeap?

maninawomansworld · 20/04/2015 16:57

I have a small bookcase in my loo and frequently take a cuppa in.
When you've got a couple of 2 years olds pestering it's a great retreat!

Hygellig · 20/04/2015 17:58

I've wondered this as DH can take a good 20 minutes to do a poo (he reads on the loo) and although I haven't lived with my dad since I was 12 I think he's the same, if not worse.

My children are four and two and they both take ages pooing, and like someone to watch them as well...I appear to be the only member of the household who can be done in a minute or two.

TheCunnyFunt · 20/04/2015 18:36

I actually banned DP from using our downstairs loo for a poo before DD goes to bed. DD is 3 and sometimes she can't get all the way upstairs and down the hall to the bathroom in time. So DP has to poo upstairs so DD can get to the downstairs loo quickly. It sounds ridiculous banning an adult from using his own loo in his own house but if it means DD will be able to get there in time then so be it.

LauraMipsum · 20/04/2015 18:42

It's not just men, DP is a magazine-on-the-loo enthusiast. Which as I told her when we moved in together is a revolting habit, no matter how clean the loo is, keeping papers in there is grim. Unfortunately I'm an avid reader and couldn't resist flicking through her loo magazines, now I'm just as bad Blush

Apricota · 21/04/2015 18:37

DH also takes ages and ages for poos. Nice echoey ones to....gives me the rage.

On another not he also has a 'last minute' shower whenever we go away. This is usually when the kids are sitting in the car and I have my coat on....always takes 39 minutes! Always!!'

ifgrandmahadawilly · 21/04/2015 18:54

YANBU. Annoying, selfish and gross.

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