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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my hairstyle has nothing to do with work?

47 replies

moonvisit · 18/04/2015 09:39

I don't have a Mohican or vivid colours. It's dark blonde, worn straight and comes to my shoulders. Side parting with a fringe.

I can't even remember how it came about but I mentioned I wash my hair every day. This is partly due to exercise and partly due to the nature of my job (carer). Colleague started commenting then saying 'it's because you're always messing with it' (I'm not!) if you wore it up in a bun or a ponytail you wouldn't need to keep washing it.' I just more or less ignored this.

Then on the next shift she handed me a hair bobble and said I'd feel different! I politely said no and added that clips and bands and ties give me a headache (they do - not sure why!) I was then told to 'take two paraceatamol - some down there!' I am very against taking medication when you don't need to and said so (not quite as strongly as this.) She huffed but let the subject drop.

The problem is she keeps commenting to people about my 'awful' hair - and so as many people we see are elderly they keep going on about it as well. I am just getting sick of the comments.

Reading through this I can honestly see how you might think I have mad crazy hair but I don't! It's clean, it's tidy, most people say how nice it is!

I suppose I'm venting/ranting more than asking if I'm BU! (By the way colleague is not superior to me in any way!)

OP posts:

flora717 · 18/04/2015 09:42

She can feck off really. It takes a special sort of adult to feel it's their place to butt in on someone else's decisions.

But this is not the popular mn view. You should never be messy ever, be perfectly coiffured 24/7, take as many beauty breaks as you need. Stuff actually getting on with work.

2rebecca · 18/04/2015 09:42

If your colleague is not your manager then your hair style is none of her business. I would tell her to stop being so rude and if she persists with her unwanted comments I'd mention it to your manager.
If you have to work with her it might be best not to get too confrontational initially though, but I'd make it clear that her nasty unsolicited personal comments are not welcome or helpful and if you want her advice you'll ask for it.

OTheHugeManatee · 18/04/2015 09:43

She's trying to bully you. You need to round on her and tell her clearly and directly that it is not appropriate to keep making personal remarks about your hair and you would like her to stop now and not do it again. Say it loudly and briskly with a big smile, ideally in front of some of these elderly clients.

wheresthelight · 18/04/2015 09:44

I think as a carer ot would be appropriate to tie it back especially as you may be dealing with people on close contact and it's incredibly unpleasant to have someone else's hair in your face. and if you prepare of hand over meals you should also have it tied back for hygiene purposes. does the company you work for have a policy on this that you have missed or ignored? if so perhaps the colleague is trying to politely point it out.

that said she shouldn't be bitching to other people or calling your hair awful as that is rude.

Original poster

moonvisit · 18/04/2015 09:45

Flora if only! But it honestly looks perfectly tidy and nice! The length of it means it tucks nearly behind my ears but the daft thing is, it isn't long enough to all go back into a ponytail so i would either have two huge chunks by my ears spaniel-style or I would have a million clips holding it down!

OP posts:

Jenmk1 · 18/04/2015 09:45

As long as wearing your hair down isn't interfering with your job (ie risk if getting caught in machinery, hygiene hazard etc...) I would say it's none of her business & would tell her where to stuff her hair bobble What's her hair like? She sounds jealous

Cornettoninja · 18/04/2015 09:45

I think people catagorise carers as a clinical role and expect hair to be restrained in some way in keeping with the short nails, no jewellery, sensible clothes/uniform.

I kind of agree to be honest. When I worked as a residential home support worker we did everything from personal care to cooking. Nobody wants to find someone else's hair in random places.

Even when not cooking/providing personal care days were generally busy and you'd look frazzled by the end of the day. It was just tidier.

It might not be applicable to what you do but I reckon your onto a losing battle thinking people will change their perceptions.

ditavonteesed · 18/04/2015 09:45

she is being unreasonable, but as a carer you should have your hair tied up.

Original poster

moonvisit · 18/04/2015 09:47

Believe me, if there was a policy about hair she would have told me!

I have never once, not ever, had my hair in somebody's face. (I have had poo in it once when wiping somebody's bottom but being tied back wouldn't have stopped that!)

Many of the ladies with long hair do have it in a bun but a loose bun with strands out. Mine isn't long enough for a bun: the spaniel ponytail is all I could manage!

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 18/04/2015 09:49

I am extremely surprised that part of your uniform policy doesn't stipulate wearing your hair tied back. I am a carer and would find your hairstyle inappropriate for work.

firesidechat · 18/04/2015 09:50

But this is not the popular mn view. You should never be messy ever, be perfectly coiffured 24/7, take as many beauty breaks as you need. Stuff actually getting on with work.

I must be on different forums to you Flora because I've not seen this view at all. Admittedly I don't go on the beauty/style type threads.

AlternativeTentacles · 18/04/2015 09:51

I think you have to take her aside and tell her that you just aren't interested in her that way and people are beginning to talk about her unhealthy interest in my "hair"

CaTsMaMmA · 18/04/2015 09:52

can't see why you can't keep it back if it really is to your shoulders unless you have absolutely no neck Mine is a short chin length bob and that could go into a clip/bobble if required.

Having said that, unless you have some sort of official dress code/uniform then it really is not your colleague's business how you wear it

so to sum up, I'd prefer people in a role such as yours to have tied back hair, but it's no ones business unless you're flaunting the rules.

holeinmyheart · 18/04/2015 09:52

YANBU your colleague needs to keep her snippy uncalled for comments to her self. Perhaps you should present her with some deodorant next time she opens her mouth.
Your hair doesn't hang over your eyes does it? And you are not in a job where it could be caught in machinery or be a health hazard.?
If the answers to both are NO, then I would either say to her something like

'Let's go over the problem you have with my hair one more time , and then let's not mention it again as it is beginning to irritate me. When you have finished telling me about your concerns, can I tell you what I find irritating about you' ?
That should shut her up.

Or you could go for the aggressive ' why don't you shut the F* up about my hair.
Either way she sounds awful, intrusive and critical.

firesidechat · 18/04/2015 09:53

I was all ready to tell you to ignore the interfering woman and then saw that you are a carer. I think she has a point and you should probably tie it back.

Original poster

moonvisit · 18/04/2015 09:54

Well it doesn't lj and honestly, my hair isn't inappropriate. I am a clean, tidy person and my hair reflects this. It is just the style isn't one that is designed to be pulled back. If I had waist length hair I would agree but I don't.

No one (including my managers who I have worked with) has mentioned I should have my hair pulled back; it was not covered in training - what can I say? Most people seem to think it's acceptable! I wish I could show you a picture but I can't for identity reasons - but I promise in 32 years no one has ever commented on my hair or dress being inappropriate apart from once in year 10 when I was told off for having my blazer tied round my waist! :)

OP posts:

2rebecca · 18/04/2015 09:54

Shoulder length hair isn't long though. I think that if there is a hair policy then her manager should have told her. Long hair is best tied back in many jobs but shoulder length hair isn't long.

ilovesooty · 18/04/2015 09:54

If it's not long enough to tie back effectively it sounds fine. I think I'd ask her calmly and assertively to stop.

If it is long enough to tie back I think in your role it should be tied back.

EatShitDerek · 18/04/2015 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletforya · 18/04/2015 09:58

She sounds jealous.

Lj8893 · 18/04/2015 09:58

I'm still very shocked. I would assume this lady has worked for other care company's where it has been stipulated hair should be tied back and so is just assuming your current company has the same policy. However, she is being slightly over pushy about it and if she has a problem with your hair she should take it to your managers and let them deal with it as they see fit. If they haven't got a problem with it they will tell her.

SycamoreMum · 18/04/2015 09:58

If your manager, not that busy body, hasn't told you to pin it back or whatever then continue as you are! If your manager insists on having your hair back maybe try a headband of some sort?

TiredButFine · 18/04/2015 09:59

do you think she is jealous?I've had similar sort of things in the past with women at work. I have similar hair, it's a pain I have to wash and dry it every day. Probably it's my best feature as I'm no looker.
Friends have told me how jealous they are of it, people often comment on it, hairdressers like messing with it. Which is random to me as I'd like to be thinner, more pretty blah blah. Hair-whatever! I've been asked what I use on it to get it to look nice etc. I can use any old 99p hair stuff, it's just nice hair!
I'm just lucky. I did grow it and cut it to donate for wigs (catholic upbringing) personally I'd love to be able to try wigs and weaves and curls but nothing will stay on my shiny hair. It's just "the same" every day

Black2catsgreen4eyes · 18/04/2015 10:04

Jealous or a control freak! How strange. I have similar hair and I can't get it back either other than in a ponytail about one inch long and two flaps covering my face - nice I know nurses with an almost identical hairstyle so don't see the problem!

MajesticWhine · 18/04/2015 10:04

She sounds like a loon. You need to address this quite assertively and insist she drops the subject... unless she has received a complaint from one of your clients and is not being clear about it? Ask her.

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