About who makes the decision?

[ScathingContempt]

Partner comes home from work and wants a lift to the shop (I drive, they can't). Two similar shops, roughly equal distance away, neither any easier or harder to get to. I ask which shop they would like to go to and their answer is 'whichever you prefer'. I don't want to go to the shop, I have no intention of going in and buying anything so I say they have to decide because it's them who wants to go to the shop. They reply 'I really don't care, just take me to either'. In the end, I refused to move the car until they made a decision but they went in a big huff about it, slamming the car door when getting out in the car park (with sleeping baby in car).

This exchange happens regularly but today I was more snappy about their lack of decision.

Subject was brought up just before and they cannot see why it pisses me off. They don't see why they should have to decide. One reason given is 'I've been at work making decisions all day, I'm tired of making decisions'. I find this pretty insulting, as a sahp of 3 teens and a young baby, it's not like I don't make any decisions. All meal planning, cooking, shopping and chore-organising falls to me, which feels like a day in, day out responsibility, not something I can walk away from a the end of a shift. They might not be massive decisions but it is relentless.

I am sick of making decisions for other people.

Aibu to expect to be told which fucking shop they want to go to?

The decision thing would be annoying but I'd be more pissed off he couldn't drive tbh.

I don't think you're being unreasonable either.

On the face of it, an argument over a shop may seem ridiculous, but my DH can't make a decision to save his life either and it drives me insane.

Mine does it because he doesn't want to take responsibility for a decision - so in the case of the shop argument in the OP, he 'wouldn't mind' 'it's up to me' but if we got stuck in traffic or something then it would be my fault as I made the wrong decision.

Last night, lovely evening so we decided to take the kids out, we live near the coast so have a couple of nearby towns with arcades, fish and chips, ice creams, etc, but it's up to me to choose which one. I choose town X, but when we get to town X we find there's a bit event going on and can't find anywhere to park. No big deal, we go on to town Y there's only about 10 minutes between the 2, but by DH avoiding making any decision it then becomes my responsibility for choosing the wrong town.

The what do you want for dinner/don't mind discussions annoy me. Just once, it would be nice if someone took the decision out of my hands. Last week I couldn't be arsed to cook so suggested fish and chips - 'I don't mind, whatever is easiest' so we get fish and chips. The chips were a bit minging and I get 'these chips aren't very nice, I'd have preferred a Chinese'. Well, why the fuck didn't you say so then?

It's just abdicating responsibility and it drives me up the wall.

Next time he ask you to choose dinner or shop or whatever do so but dont double check with him. So he says he doesnt have a preference for dinner dont follow up with "is chicken ok?", just cook the damn chicken and if he later complains tell him you said anything was fine.

I know how annoying it is to have to decide on what to eat for every meal for the whole family. I don't mind doing the shopping/cooking if I have the time but I hated having to do everyone's thinking.

Get into the habit of not arguing if they won't make a decision, just go with what you want to do.

So, you want a cup of tea so your question is:
Do you want a tea?

Replace your dinner conversations with...
Me: Any ideas what you fancy for dinner tonight?
Partner: No, I don't mind, anything.
Me: Okay, I'll make X. (and walk off)

If they don't like it they'll have to start actually communicated their preferences with you.

Iabu I expect but why go to such lengths to disguise the gender of your partner?

I'd start making the decisions OP if he's fine with whatever you are doing, he'll soon change his mind if he doesn't like it.

My husband is like this, I have to force him to make a decision on something as simple as which takeaway we'll go to. He's not as stubborn as yours though and he'd never get in a huff about it.