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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is a bit cheeky....

36 replies

kittensinmydinner · 17/04/2015 13:56

So, DSD has had a friend over (both 12 nearly 13) Friend is very sweet and welcome. Stayed Wed night and was due to go home at 6 yesterday. I had assumed her Dm/df would pick her up, so was a bit surprised when I asked if mum was coming before or after I had fed them. Imagine my surprise when she said ' oh mummy doesn't drive and daddy works overseas, I'll need a lift ð??³....anyway DSD then asked if friend could stay another night. No skin off my nose as already have 7 kids here, one more not a problem. So she stayed, but no word from mother asking me if it was ok, just text message from daughter to her asking permission. Ten minutes ago, friend announces her DM has called her and that she has to be home by 2 pm as grandparents are coming over.... Is it me ? I mean, in my shoes would you not have thought it more appropriate for her mother to call me and ask 'if I would mind' or is it convenient... I have looked after her daughter for three days and she hasn't so much as picked the bloody phone up and said hello ! Or am I being a bit old fashioned and unreasonable ? Obviously will not say anything to DSD or friend as its not their fault the mother obviously has no manners !to add to the general vent, eldest dd has borrowed the car to go have lunch with a friend, which she now has to leave early so that I can get this young lady home..

OP posts:
hesterton · 17/04/2015 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Akire · 17/04/2015 14:06

I would ring the mums and say you will not have car back before x time, she will have to ask grandparent s to collect or put her in a taxi or wait. You have done her a favour you don't need too run after her presumable she sees grandparents all the time or if not she would have more noticed than she needs to come home now

KoalaDownUnder · 17/04/2015 14:16

YANBU, the mother sounds rude and presumptuous.

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 17/04/2015 14:21

YANBU

I think you should tell the mum you won't be able to give a lift back at that time.

Could the girl get the bus home if no one can drive her?

Totality22 · 17/04/2015 14:23

How did the girl get to you in the first place?

foofooyeah · 17/04/2015 14:25

Yes, cheeky! Just say that time is not convenient.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 17/04/2015 14:26

at 12 nearly 13 i would pop her on the bus, unless you live somewhere with aggresive crack heads on every corner (do they get aggresive or zone out?)

Quitelikely · 17/04/2015 14:27

I'm thinking your step daughter told her you would drop her back.

Children don't think about timings etc.

I'm thinking the daughter told her mum you would drop her back.

I'm sure the mother will thank you.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 17/04/2015 14:28

Nah. I'd ignore.

Her not having a car doesn't trump you not having a car. Tell your other DD to enjoy her lunch and come back when she's ready.

Jackieharris · 17/04/2015 14:30

How far? Can they walk?

I've had parents do stuff like this tbh.

tabulahrasa · 17/04/2015 14:31

I'd text my DD to be home by a certain time and expect her to make her own way home... Who's expecting you to give her a lift? The mother, the friend, or has your DD volunteered you?

AlternativeTentacles · 17/04/2015 14:33

Ten minutes ago, friend announces her DM has called her and that she has to be home by 2 pm as grandparents are coming over

'Ok cool. How are you getting home? Is your mum picking you up?'

Theycallmemellowjello · 17/04/2015 14:35

It's fine if you don't want to give a lift but I don't think you needed to expect a call from the mum. Presumably she just thought the girl would sort out her own travel and that she had discussed with you about staying an extra night. I don't think my parents organised my social life at that age and I think it's fine if this mum is hands off.

SisterNancySinatra · 17/04/2015 14:35

Yes exactly ^. I'd forget about the 2pm arrangement unless the mother phones you personally and tries to sort it out with you.

IcecreamSkoda · 17/04/2015 14:49

Id just take her home when it suits you. I would let the kids organise things, such as staying an extra night, themselves at that age, however I would never have told another parent to give my DC a lift.

Obviously, I would say thankyou if I saw the other parent but I think the most important thing would be for the child to be doing the thanking. I expected my DC to be polite, VERY helpful and to offer to pay if they went out somewhere with the other family. It's not the same as a play date when the kids are nearly 13.

hoobypickypicky · 17/04/2015 15:01

It's rude but the level of rudeness now depends on you. If you inconvenience yourself and your elder DD by jumping to the mother's demands you're allowing her to be incredibly bad mannered.

Put the ball back in her court with "I can't bring X home as my car's in use elsewhere. You'll need to make your own arrangements to get her to you before [your choice of time] when I will be putting the baby to bed/having the priest over for tea/taking the budgie to the vet/going to parents evening. Let me know when you'll be arriving and I'll make sure she's got all her things with her and is ready for you".

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 17/04/2015 15:07

I would let the kids organise things, such as staying an extra night, themselves at that age,

true i would expect it had been discussed and approved at the kids end and i was being asked for final approval.

Tokelau · 17/04/2015 15:08

Can she walk home or is it too far? If she can't, I would say that DD has borrowed your car, and you can't get her home by 2. If they need her home by then, they will have to arrange a lift or taxi, otherwise you will take her home later (when it suits you!). I definitely wouldn't ask DD to cut short her lunch.

I think the other mother is quite rude.

Dowser · 17/04/2015 15:11

Yes cheeky very.

Ignore and let her ring you.

kittensinmydinner · 17/04/2015 15:18

Hi everyone, just returned from my mission as 'directed' . To answer some questions, no - DSD didn't discuss how she was getting home, she assumed friends mum drove... The two girls met in town on Wednesday, both getting buses from their homes, friend lives a good two miles from nearest bus stop so it's quite a hike. It would mean a bus from mine into town another bus to her village then a long walk. - whereas not a long drive for me. BUT....Something all a bit strange. Got to the house , very nice place on one of the most desirable social housing estates - (this is relevant ) child gets out of the car and DSD accompanies her to the door. I stayed standing by the car. Just then I saw a female figure at the kitchen window, I waved. - nothing - just stood and stared at me. I waved again. - nothing. I gave up and got in the car with DSD. Mother (well assume it was mother, didn't come to the door either or make any effort to talk to me or DSD..
Even more curious was friend explaining on the way home that daddy worked in finance in major European capital., that they lived there until last year where they went to international schools. (3 dc's 12, 14, 16) but had returned to the UK because the schools were better. ( DSD and friend are at a completely unremarkable comprehensive and eldest was in the middle of GCSEs) the friend also clarified that mother does drive, but hasn't got a car at the moment as it takes too long for daddy to drive it over from Switzerland (13 hrs apparently) but walking two miles to a bus stop to get to school everyday since moving back here 8 months ago is preferable...I asked if Mummy and daddy were divorced, (as dsd's parents are, she was adamant they weren't. However none of this adds up. You don't work overseas and away from your family for any other reason than shed loads of dosh ! If this is the case why has she no car and living in social housing. My theory .. They've separated but not told the kids. All very strange and absolutely None of my business.. But I'm intrigued by strange staring mother...

OP posts:
FluffyPingPong · 17/04/2015 15:29

Oooh I bet you're right. Can't believe the mother didn't even say thank you, or smile or wave for that matter. Inexplicably rude!

PeppermintCrayon · 17/04/2015 15:39

How utterly utterly weird.

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 15:44

I love the way you write, OP!

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 15:52

Maybe the mother is agoraphobic?

Number3cometome · 17/04/2015 16:09

Does the Mum speak English? maybe she is in the middle of a meltdown?

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