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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 8 year old have a Facebook account?

91 replies

goldenteapot · 17/04/2015 09:39

I'm not sure what to do!

I've just discovered that my dd has been using a youtube account at her dad's house and uploading videoes of herself (doing rubbish) and sharing them with her friends.

Youtube has NO workable privacy settings in this situation. I've looked at everything but it's all impossible to use. I've spent hours on it.

I'm tempted to just give her a Facebook account, because I can then control to privacy settings and she can share stuff with family - who I can control.

She is very creative and is really good at making videos. I don't want her to not have ANY outlet to do this.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
goldenteapot · 17/04/2015 12:38

I cannot believe that you are all hovering over your DCs on the internet and on youtube. Frankly any adult forced to watch more than three minutes of minecraft videos would go mad with boredom.

Stamplonghead gets over 30 million views a week and his audience is between 6 and 14. Are you all watching it too? I don't believe it.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-26327661

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/04/2015 12:39

Uploading videos of herself is "inappropriate" ?? Grin WTF, how?? Oh no, the internet will steal your soul!

As long as she's not twerking, naked, etc, I really see no problem. You should probably screen comments but other than that. Meh.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 17/04/2015 12:43

(And I think most children watching Stampy will be around 8-10 - younger teens I know this it's totally crap)

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 17/04/2015 12:45

I cannot believe that you are all hovering over your DCs on the internet and on youtube

Our computer is our main family room/kitchen, which is open plan. I absolutely monitor what they watch and do online. There's some seriously inappropriate content which gets through filters, and I would consider myself a pretty lax parent if I just turned a blind eye.

JohnCusacksWife · 17/04/2015 12:46

johncusack because kids will always have a list as long as their arm on why its perfectly ok to do something, as the grown ups we have to decide what's appropriate and necessary

Agreed - but in this specific instance I couldn't come up with any rational reason why she shouldn't be allowed to do it. Why is a 10 yr old uploading a stop motion animation or a video of them doing book reviews, in which they are unidentifiable, inappropriate? No-one has been able to answer that yet!

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 17/04/2015 12:48

I wouldn't let her. My neighbour's dd is 8 and has fb. The other day she came round really upset because an older cousin was telling her that she was going to tell her mum that she said a swear word, all taking place on fb messenger.

I tried to calm her down but she was really upset for hours. I actually said 'that's why 8 years olds shouldn't have fb'. Way too young.

Uhplistrailer · 17/04/2015 12:48

Goldenteapot

I don't stand behind him, but he's certainly in the same room, and i check what he's watching every now and again. No way would I let 9yo DS have unsupervised access to the Internet/YouTube.

I can't see stampylongnose, but I can definitely hear him....

Mistigri · 17/04/2015 12:49

By the way OP one thing you can do on YouTube is to disable comments, or to subject them to the approval of the account holder. You can also restrict who views videos by making them unlisted (so they can't be found by ransoms) but it means you need some other means of sharing the link, and I'm not sure that I would trust an 8 year old to choose the appropriate options when uploading videos.

Personally I think facebook is a much safer option, especially if you retain control of the account and have the log in details.

Uhplistrailer · 17/04/2015 12:51

It's inapeopriate on yt because you can upload nearly anything!

On the suggested videos the other day, there was a picture of Adam Buxton swinging on a giant ball sack, a la wrecking ball by mylie Cyrus!

And anyone can comment on it too.

oddfodd · 17/04/2015 12:53

You can make youtube videos private or invitation only. Why doesn't your DD do that? Or am I missing something? Confused

HearTheThunderRoar · 17/04/2015 12:56

I hate the way society has became so reliant on social media, I remember when my DD was 8 and wanted to show her friends photos etc she would just bring the photos to school to show them. I'm not sure about vloggers as they weren't around when DD was 8 but surely you can't just set up her up with an email account. You do realise people managed to share videos before Fb and youtube?

DD has fb, twitter and instagram now but did not get them till she was 13 and she was older enough to understand the complications of social media.

JohnCusacksWife · 17/04/2015 12:57

Uhplistrailer, my DD has to let me see anything she would like to upload first and I supervise what she watches on YT - mostly minecraft, doll & book reviews and Zoella. Comments come to me for review before they are published. So I'm still struggling with why it's inappropriate?

BoredAdminGirl · 17/04/2015 13:00

What about Snapchat? Once videos and pictures are viewed they are permanently automatically deleted

Nervo · 17/04/2015 13:00

My 4 year old loves Stampy.

My 9 year old does too but wouldn't dream of asking for any social media. Her school do an excellent job of educating them about the dangers of the internet.

I do know that some of her peer group have phones, Facebook accounts, Whatsapp etc but dd knows that we wouldn't consent and she knows the reasons why. I actually get the feeling that she is relieved that er parents are 'strict'.

I don't know what the answer is op with regards to your ex. Sorry.

JohnCusacksWife · 17/04/2015 13:02

No Snapchat here - I know of too many examples of kids being bullied on that with the culprit taking advatage of the fact that they're leaving less of a trail behind them.

HearTheThunderRoar · 17/04/2015 13:04

DD also has snapchat, you can take screen shots of photos, so they are not always automatically deleted.

Original poster
goldenteapot · 17/04/2015 13:10

I have an older girl with Snapchat and it does just seem to be rude things, so I wouldn't want that Grin

OP posts:
itsstillgood · 17/04/2015 13:14

No. I don't really think that Facebook is necessarily unsafe for an 8yo if well monitored.

BUT you have to give your date of birth and if under 13 it won't let you set up an account. So what is the option? Teach children that it is okay to lie to get what you want?

Sorry I know I sound sanctimonious but I find it hard to get my head around the casual attitude to honesty.

DS1 turned 13 yesterday and instantly set up an account. He's happier with that than present tbh. I don't think he's any more mature today than yesterday but he didn't need to lie.

BertieBotts · 17/04/2015 13:14

If she has access to it, and you can't stop it, then it's imperative you give her the tools to manage it as best she can.

I'm not keen on snapchat.

Starlightbright1 · 17/04/2015 13:15

You know when your child isn't watching Stampy..The annoying laugh goes..My DS 8 this month sits on the sofa on laptop so yes I can watch and do mumsnet at the same time...

No way would I consider my 8 year old uploading anything on the intent as I am not sure I want it around for the rest of his life...Also I asked him yesterday why you don't give you real name on a forum..He didn't know yet he has done intent safety at school and I have taught him certain stuff.

PurpleSwift · 17/04/2015 13:20

Yabu. She's 8!
Just figure out the YouTube settings. If it's the social element of it that she's loving then what difference will facebook make if it's YouTube all her friends are on anyway?
You also need to talk to her about safety on the Internet.

Badgerwife · 17/04/2015 13:26

I wouldn't let her have a FB account because of how it automatically connects you to all sorts, through groups, suggesting other sites and friends of friends etc.

If she is really creative and would like to learn about social media in a way that is age-appropriate, I would, maybe, do something with her that you have complete control over what actually goes online, like creating a personal blog. It could be a creative project that you help her with. You can then have complete control over privacy (i.e. you can set up the site and/or each post with a password) and other than through direct comments to what she posts, there is very little in and out.

DoJo · 17/04/2015 13:31

I looked at Googleplus as it is a good way of sharing videos but again, the security seems too complex to control.

For all its faults, Facebook is at least easy to control...

I think you have got this the wrong way round - it is ridiculously easy to upload videos to Youtube with a private setting which means only people who have the link can see them (i.e they are not searchable so only people who have had the link shared with them can see them) whereas once you upload a video to Facebook it is their property and they can distribute it however they see fit.

nickersinaknot · 17/04/2015 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 17/04/2015 16:09

Ah I didn't realise YouTube had private settings dojo, I thought it was just uploaded straight to the web.

You can choose either 'public' which means anyone can see it 'unlisted' which means it can only be viewed by someone who has the link and will not come up in search results, and 'private' which means only the account owner can see it when they are logged in.

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