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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to go to this wedding?

45 replies

MyOtherNameIsFunnier · 17/04/2015 07:06

We've been invited to the wedding of my cousin's dd. She is the same age (ish) as me and we were all close as children although don't really see each other now other than weddings and funerals.

Anyway, she's getting married, which is lovely, and has generously invited all of us including my children.

The wedding is at least 2 hours away (3 in traffic). It's in the school holidays and the cheapest accommodation I can find is £300. My eldest are away for the week on a trip and this would mean picking them up a day early from that to travel down. It would also mean new outfits for the children as they have nothing suitable.

Should I just be sucking this up? I'm off work at the moment with anxiety and depression which is clouding my judgement and I was awake last night trying to work out ways to make it work.

How offended would you be if you were them and I declined the invitation? I've never declined a wedding invitation before and I don't know if it's the done thing at all.

OP posts:

Nolim · 17/04/2015 07:08

Declining a wedding invitation is perfectly normal. Send you regrets, a card and maybe a gift.

KoalaDownUnder · 17/04/2015 07:09

As people say, it's an invitation, not a summons.

If I were them, I wouldn't be offended at all.

MuttonCadet · 17/04/2015 07:10

I'm sure it'll be fine, just make sure you decline in plenty of time to allow them to fill those spaces.

AlternativeTentacles · 17/04/2015 07:10

Two hours away? Why not drive there, stay for the event and then drive home? No accommodation neeed.

CuppaSarah · 17/04/2015 07:13

A lot of people leave weddings after the meal but before the buffet! You could always skip the evening do go home at 6/7 you shouldn't hit traffic then!

sandgrown · 17/04/2015 07:14

I am sure she will understand if you explain why but could you go without the children if say grandparents could have them? The children could complete their trip and your accommodation would possibly be cheaper. Could you get there by train and maybe do the whole thing in a day?

Original poster

MyOtherNameIsFunnier · 17/04/2015 07:20

Even if we drive there and back on the day, the kids will either miss their last night of camp or go straight from the campsite. Either way they will be horrendously tired and ratty, and will likely argue all the way there.

No available grandparents. My parents are obviously going, and the in-laws don't drive so wouldn't be able to collect the kids from camp.

I think I will decline. Should I give the reasons or not?

OP posts:

AlternativeTentacles · 17/04/2015 07:23

Well just say the kids are camping that day so we can't make it.

2fedup · 17/04/2015 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedButtonhole · 17/04/2015 07:24

If your children are at camp, can you not go alone/ with a partner?

Only1scoop · 17/04/2015 07:25

You don't sound as if you want to go....so the rest of your family want to attend? If not then politely decline.

Is 300 just for one night accomodation ....seems steep.

Only1scoop · 17/04/2015 07:28

Agree with Red button ....can you just go minus dc?

Original poster

MyOtherNameIsFunnier · 17/04/2015 07:31

Camp ends at midday on the Saturday. Which is when the wedding is.

See, all the solutions everyone is coming up with is what I think the rest of the family will do and they'll all think I'm awful for not going. But I can't see how it will work without a lot of money and stress, I don't have any money and I'm at breaking point with stress already.

OP posts:

Seriouslyffs · 17/04/2015 07:41

Go on your own- do you get on with your parents? If so stay with them the night before and drive home after. You get to see the couple marry and catch up with relatives, they don't have to pay for all of you and you don't have the hassle of new clothes coaches and camping!

Theycallmemellowjello · 17/04/2015 07:43

Can't you let the kids stay away and just I for the day yourself?

DiDiddlyIDi · 17/04/2015 07:44

There are ways to make this work, I think you should go. But don't go if you are going to not enjoy being there. What makes a wedding is to have all the people you love around you, they have been very kind to invite the children as well. Can't they stay behind with friends who are also on this camp?

DiDiddlyIDi · 17/04/2015 07:44

Have you looked at airbnb for accom?

PowderMum · 17/04/2015 07:45

OP whenever my DC have been to camp or even just a school trip they come home dirty and very tired, the idea of picking them up on the day would never work imho and even the night before I would have been doubtful that they would be rested enough for a full day of being on their best behaviour at a wedding.
There is nothing wrong with declining an invitation.

TheReluctantCountess · 17/04/2015 07:46

If you accept, I suspect you will be stressing about it, so decline it. No one will mind at all.

NerrSnerr · 17/04/2015 07:46

It's up to you, go if you want, don't if you don't. 2 hours can be done in a day too.

It's really not a big deal, sure they won't mind either way.

Ratfinkandbobo · 17/04/2015 07:49

I don't think you are bu for not wanting to go, I couldn't be doing with all the hassle and expense either.

ASuitableGirl · 17/04/2015 07:50

It's perfectly fine for you to not go. It is perfectly reasonable for you to pick your children up from camp when it ends rather than the children being picked up early or having to ask someone else to have them. A wedding is something you are invited to - declining the invitation is completely fine.

Higgle · 17/04/2015 07:51

I'd go on my own, and stay with parents or other relations, I have done ths several times for family events where the logistics for our whold family were difficult. WE had an elerly poorly dog who lingered on in passable health for a coule of years too ill for kennels and not well enough to go anywhere twith us, we did family events in shifts then.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/04/2015 07:53

Its perfectly acceptable to decline. I can see why you would be finding it stressful. And I wouldnt want to stay overnight in those circs.
If you do want to go you can collect the kids early and all drive there and back in one day. New outfits needn't be expensive
Or you could go on your own as a pp suggested and stay with your parents?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/04/2015 07:58

Ah yes. Ending the camp early would be a pita.
I think i would go on my own, with my family.
You get to go to the wedding and spend time with your family, your kids get to go to their camp, your dp gets to have the whole bed/tv remote to himself for a night.

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