Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Not to go to this wedding?

45 replies

MyOtherNameIsFunnier · 17/04/2015 07:06

We've been invited to the wedding of my cousin's dd. She is the same age (ish) as me and we were all close as children although don't really see each other now other than weddings and funerals.

Anyway, she's getting married, which is lovely, and has generously invited all of us including my children.

The wedding is at least 2 hours away (3 in traffic). It's in the school holidays and the cheapest accommodation I can find is £300. My eldest are away for the week on a trip and this would mean picking them up a day early from that to travel down. It would also mean new outfits for the children as they have nothing suitable.

Should I just be sucking this up? I'm off work at the moment with anxiety and depression which is clouding my judgement and I was awake last night trying to work out ways to make it work.

How offended would you be if you were them and I declined the invitation? I've never declined a wedding invitation before and I don't know if it's the done thing at all.

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 17/04/2015 08:03

But if you do decline, it'll be fine too. Write a little letter saying you'd have loved to be there but just can't make the logistics work with this trip the kids are already booked for, tuck it into a card, maybe send a small gift if you are minded to do so, and then relax.

Only1scoop · 17/04/2015 08:04

If it's stressing you then decline if others are happy not to go.

Seriouslyffs · 17/04/2015 08:06

I've given my head a wobble and come back to say- don't go!
You're off work with stress and an event in the future is giving you sleepless nights! Posters here have come up with solutions but in fact you just need to decline gracefully, saying it clashes with another prebooked event.
You'll feel a great weight lifted when you do.

Heebiejeebie · 17/04/2015 08:13

They'll probably be pleased not to have to fork out for 4 relatives they don't see! Kind of them to invite you, fine to say that you won't be able to make it and wish them all the best.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/04/2015 08:17

Your reason is that you are unable to make it. Thats it. It is completely ok not to go.
You will feel much better after letting them know

esiotrot2015 · 17/04/2015 08:18

I'd go on your own & enjoy spending time with your parents siblings etc
Dh can pick kids up from camp

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/04/2015 08:32

Go on your own or not at all.

123Jump · 17/04/2015 08:41

We often get invites as a family. But I'm the only one that ever goes. Why can't you just go on your own?

InThisTogether · 17/04/2015 09:09

I am in the position where I have invited my friend in a similar position to my wedding in September. She phoned me the other night to say she was so sorry but couldn't make it - work / money / kids / travel would make it impossible.
It's absolutley fine not to come, i was glad she let me know very early so i can cater accordingly but it's fine not to go - she won't mind!

zzzzz · 17/04/2015 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ceic · 17/04/2015 09:35

Could another parent pick up your older kids from the camp? Then you and your DH could take your younger kids to the wedding.

Depending on what the other parent is happy to do, you and your DH could come back later the same day or have an over-night with fewer kids. Alternatively, while you stay on at the wedding, your DH could bring back the younger kids and collect the older ones?

While wedding invitations are not a summons, it sounds like this wedding is one of the special ones that you'd always wanted and expected to attend.

wigglesrock · 17/04/2015 10:52

Honestly it's fine not to go, the timings don't suit, your kids are away at something else, not everyone who gets a wedding invitation goes. Send a nice regret card and if you think it's appropriate a present, then think no more about it.

FluffyTheEvilOne · 17/04/2015 10:58

If going will cause you stress, unaffordable or excessive expense, or unreasonable inconvenience, then decline. Really, it's fine. I didn't for a second feel offended at anyone who declined an invitation to my wedding, as people have other things going on in their lives.

Just reply as soon as possible, saying that your DCs are returning from camp that day and you are unable to get childcare sorted. Then send a card, and perhaps a small present, nearer the time.

fairgroundsnack · 17/04/2015 10:59

I would go with my parents and let DH pick your kids up from camp? But if you don't want to do that I would decline and wish her all the best for a lovely day.

Seriouslyffs · 17/04/2015 11:08

You just want it all to go away.
Say no thank you and breathe...

base9 · 17/04/2015 11:17

It's okay to decline. Indeed it will save them money too! Send a card and gift and best wishes. Everyone will be happy.

Jackieharris · 17/04/2015 11:18

Do your have a DP to share driving with?

Why is the accommodation so expensive?

Is there no one else you know travelling the same route to the wedding? Can you lift share/room share? Maybe ask the bride if there's another guest looking for someone to room share with.

Personally I'd do a 2 hr drive to a relatives wedding for the day if I couldn't afford to stay.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 17/04/2015 11:29

It's fine to decline and I definitely think the kids will be knackered after camp. Just apologise and send a card (I'd also send a gift too) nearer the time.

We're not going to DH's cousin's wedding, I declined as soon as we got the invite so they had plenty of time to invite others. Didn't give a reason, just apologised that we were unable to make it and wished them a wonderful day. Basically DD not invited but local babysitters are all family and going to the wedding (wedding is not near our house). I'll be hugely pregnant too.

FlyingPirate · 17/04/2015 11:31

You're off work with stress, just trying to make arrangements for this wedding is causing you more stress and you're now losing sleep. You should gracefully decline guilt free - your mental health is much more important

hidingfromthem · 17/04/2015 12:42

decline. i wouldn't hesitate to say no.
it all sounds like an awful hassle and that you really could do without it.
honestly, your cousin will probably be delighted to keep the headcount down and have a few less people to feed and entertain.

Flip

1 2