DP went mental because I got offered an interview in a job he doesn't approve of

[Junzuki]

I'm a nurse and a few weeks ago I applied for a job in the prison (again, as a nurse). I have looked into it properly and genuinely believe I have more chance of being attacked by a dementia suffering 80 year old than I do by a heavily guarded prisoner.

DP knew I had applied and didn't seem to have much of an opinion on it either way.

Yesterday I learnt that I have been offered an interview. Now all of a sudden he's realised I might actually get this job (thanks for the initial vote of confidence DP!) and has gone off on one saying he doesn't want me doing it because it involves working with men and only men and (although he worded it differently) they'll all want to have sex with me.

AIBU to think that as this is my career, he shouldn't really get to have a say in it? the hours are the same too. I could literally have got this job and started work and he wouldn't have known the difference! out at the same time, home at the same time, same uniform, same shifts patterns .... !? so should I let him have a say in it or is he being draconian?

I am a prison officer and work with healthcare staff quite a lot. There is always an officer on duty during healthcare hours in our establishment. You are given training in how to handle situations and you can always see a prisoner with another member of healthcare staff if he is deemed to be a threat to lone women. Our nurses also have personal alarms.

On the whole prisoners tend to be respectful of nurses because they are there to help them. They will get arsey if they are wanting meds that they shouldn't have, but that is probably true for most healthcare situations.

Female staff in prisons are sometimes the object of prisoner "infatuation", more usually civilian staff rather than officers but like I said earlier, you will be given training on this.

I can understand your husband's reservations, but it is your choice and the job can be very interesting and rewarding. At the end of the day, you are not signing up forever, you can quit if you don't like it. Its not like you are locked away too!

I worked as a Nurse (MH) in prisons. I was never assaulted but have been in people's homes or on acute MH units.

You're right that are generally (not always but on the whole) safer in secure environments like prisons. I certainly felt safer there than on acute wards or in the community.

And some of the prisoners might harbour 'lustful' thoughts but that can happen on a ward, in a GP surgery, walking down the street etc.

When I worked on an adolescent unit I experienced far more sexual harassment than I ever experienced anywhere else!.

Out of interest OP, would your DH have responded in the same way if you'd got a job in say, a boy's school? Because nowhere in your post do you say he was worried about you being assaulted, just that he "went mental" at the idea of you working with lots of men.

I have (for the past almost 15 years), and still work in secure mental health hospitals, ranging from high to low security. I have also done clinics/assessments/research in prisons at all levels of security.
Each secure setting has different levels of security procedures and protocols you must follow in order to remain safe from personal alarms, locks and line working policies.
Assaults do happen but they are surprisingly rare considering the level of risk most prisoners and mentally disordered offenders pose. I have however been shouted at, pushed once (by a female prisoner not male) and have endured walking across prison estates with cat calling and leery comments.
However, the job is fascinating, extremely varied, very rewarding at times, and the vast majority of my patients have been very respectful, grateful for help and completely appropriate in their interactions with me. More so than many of my colleagues who work with more acutely unwell patients in general services.
Every so often my DH has a wobble about my job, but he trusts that I am a professional, and that I will never be complacent with mine or my colleagues safety.
Good luck with your interview, if it's the right job for you (money, shifts, interest) then go for it!

HIBU, YANBU

I have worked in an all male prison, including with a number of cat A and high risk and restricted prisoners. I did 1:1 work with these men daily.

There are many safety and security protocols in place. The risk is not really high when you follow these rules and guidelines. Infact I felt far safer working there than I often did working in a co-ed secondary school (re violence, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc.)

Yes, sometimes there is the odd bit of verbal comments of a sexual nature - but these are swiftly dealt with and it is not in the men's best interest to do it...they really are dealt with seriously for these kind of issues.

Heels99 - that was not my experience at all, nor for any of the people I worked with in the prison sector.

Fully agree with Polyethel.

Utterly ridiculous to suggest OP leaves her husband over this.

I have worked in prisons. Yes it's a very male environment but it was fine. Never felt scared, never attacked.

These days there are lots of women in prison jobs. You won't be a novelty.

Is he possessive, controlling and angry about other things? If so, very worrying. If not, maybe he has legitimate safety concerns that he's expressing in a very clumsy way.

I would be worried if my DP was going to do this, more so than I would about myself if I were doing it.
Obviously yanbu, he should support you, I can understand his concerns, but as pp have pointed out there are lots of security procedures to protect you.
Good luck op.

Congratulations OP. Your DP is being very ignorant- given the amount of drugs, drugged up people and not mentioning those with dementia and the like who could attack you in a hospital I think your safer with the prisoners and the strict risk assessments.

Prisons have different levels of security. I think they range from a-d, with a being for terrorists, d being open prisons. I worked in a b grade, and your dp is right, they will all want to have sex with you, but you are more likely to be attacked by a dementia patient. As a nurse they are more likely to be super nice to you because they perceive you as someone who is of more benefit than authority if that makes sense?

Haven't RTHT but overall I would say HIBU. You should do any job you want.

DP is a Prison Officer. He says that your chances of being attacked are almost nil. Prisoners are always accompanied on medical visits by at least one officer. Most inmates (especially older) have respect for female staff, most of them stand when a lady enters a room for example.
The PCOs aren't all sex-crazed either. Nor are they all men, even in a male prison.
For the record, people shouldn't believe everything they read and hear in the media. DP works for a private prison with one of the lowest prisoner on staff attacks in the country. They passed their inspection with flying colours. Not that the BBC or Daily Fail would bother to report GOOD news for once.

If I wasn't on your other thread i'd probably say he's possibly concerned for your safety. However I am on your other thread, I immediately recognised your username (rare for me) and I'd say he's a twat. Shame he didn'the show this 'concern' when you told him you were applying for the job. It's got sod all to do with him being worried about you and everything to do with him being a controlling idiot who can't back himself up with a valid reason. Does he has any endearing qualities?

Go for the job if you want it. It's your life. Good luck.

I'm sure he trusts you op, I can understand his concerns. There are likely to be many men in there who have commuted violent acts, sexual or otherwise. My husband would worry too.

All of whom may be treated in a normal NHS ward.

I've not worked in a prison, I have treated prisoners in NHS hospitals and each and every one has been on their best behaviour.

I know a trip to hospital is almost a day out for prisoners so maybe that was part of the reason for their behaviour.

I have worked with prisoners who were on day release from open prison in order to work. They were incredibly respectful of me, would always for example offer me their seat in the staff coffee break room or hold doors open, would not swear in front of me etc. I was one of only two women there at the time. The prisoners ranged from rapists to murderers to armed robbers to fraudsters, all coming to the end of longer sentences (5yrs plus).

These were obviously the ones given privileges for good behaviour in general, but I never felt threatened.

Hi Junzuki. I see you have already had replies from others in the prison service, but for what it's worth, I asked my dad about it anyway (he's been in prison service 30+ years).
His first thought was that he has lost count of the number of nurses his prison has seen through the door; some sail through it, others take it too personally (some prisoners, maybe drug related, getting arsey about medication for example).
He couldn't foresee any problems within the role, and said that his prison officers have to be outside the room, for confidentiality reasons.
In a way, it's probably more sheltered than your average A&E ward on a Saturday night!
Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Is it ok to use the word 'mental' now to describe a DH's temper? Can't keep up.

OP you already know the answer to this and from what a poster above says this is the least of your issues.