Pregnant and about to start new job

[Rubbishtiming123]

That's it in a nutshell! I'm just about to start a new (fairly senior) role and I've just found out I'm pregnant with third baby. Absolutely wasn't planned and now I have no idea what to do. I feel so guilty joining the new company when I'll only be there for six months before going on mat leave, so much so that I almost feel like saying I can't now accept the role but then that leaves us stuffed financially. DH thinks I should tell th on day one but a friend thinks I should wait until after my 12 week scan in case something goes wrong with the pregnancy. I just feel so guilty as it's a fairly small company and I'm worried they're going to hate me when they find out. I have every intention of returning to the job after mat leave, which DH fully supports and my other two DCs are at school. Argh advice please!!! Thanks.

Thanks so much for replying. I left my last job a week ago (found out I am pregnant the day after I finished with them!!! See what I mean about rubbish timing!). Luckily this pregnancy so far seems to be like the other two and I feel really well, if a little tired, but I am feeling so guilty.

Don't feel guilty; just think what will matter in the long term, this job or the baby. You will go back after maternity leave and give them years of excellent service.

So do I tell them on my first day or wait until I know everything is ok at my 12 week scan?

Personally I would wait until after the 12 week scan, you will have also had a few weeks in the job by then to see if you like it, what people are like etc. it may not be great timing but things happen, and I'm sure your boss will understand that, even if they are a bit disappointed.

I agree with the others, wait until the scan. You can use the time to show them what a great asset you are going to be in the long term, build up some credit and some goodwill from them and it should make the process easier.

I'd wait til 12 weeks. Or confide in your line manager but keep it private til after scan. Good luck.

Personally I would wait. Although I would feel the same as you and not be sure what to do. But looking at it objectively, wiring would be better. Unless you feel they need to put things in place for you, like if you have had high risk pregnancies before, but I doesn't sound like you do.

You need to take this next few weeks to impress them. Unfortunately, whilst they can't legally sack you for being pg, they could terminate your contract for other reason until you have been there for a while. I think its up to 2 years. Companies have done it before and its difficult to prove it was down to the pregnancy.

Obviously I have my fingers crossed for you, that they love you so much and are professional so this won't happen and they will be happy for you.

Dont feel guilty, life happens!
As others have said waint until the scan and then have a honest conversation with your manager.

I would tell them on day one, just to be as honest and transparent as you can from the start.
Any employer will understand that things could change after the 12-week scan.

This is a tough one. I've never been in that position myself, but a woman at my work got her job (very competitive industry, very sought after position) without revealing she was in fact pg at the interview.

She went off on a year's maternity after 6 months, meaning there is essentially a vacancy which has never properly been filled in a stable and long-term way, leaving pressures on the rest of the department.

Others - not me - feel she should have never taken the role, knowing she'd be leaving the position in a state of limbo. Because essentially we were training her up, then her mat cover, and when she's back she'll probably have to re-learn a lot.

If you value this job and see it as a long term career, I would be as open as you can, and try and impress the hell out of them for the next 6 months. I would also use all your KIT days during your mat leave to demonstrate that you're serious about continuous learning and keeping on top of things.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

If you get problems, contact ACAS or Maternity Action. They both have excellent helplines and will be able to give you advice on your legal rights if they try to push you out of your job (which, sadly, still happens to about 50,000 women every year in the UK, even though it's illegal). Keep records of all your conversations with your employer.

If you tell them before the end of probation, they may well try to think of a reason "you sadly didn't pass". And legal aid for this kind of case doesn't really exist anymore, plus when people win tribunals they often don't get their awarded payment anyway.

I'd tread really carefully. Be aware of your legal rights and exercise them. Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault that society punishes women for our biology.

We didn't even tell close family until after the 12 week scan. I didn't regard myself as really being pregnant until the 12 week scan as early miscarriages are so common.

Don't tell them until after your scan,use the time to show them what a fantastic employee you are.As someone up thread says,you will be able to give them years of good service after baby is born.Congratulations!

Something similar happened to me, started new role and a few weeks into it realised I was a month pregnant. I felt bad but didn't say anything until after scan and they were ok. Didn't feel too guilty as wasn't eligible for SMP, if I'd got pregnant immediately after starting would have been!

If you're worrying about whether you should take the job or not I would ring then and have the discussion before you start, the way they deal with it will be a really good indicator of how they'll deal with it whilst you're there. Also it will stop you worrying (perhaps unnecessarily) until you start.

Thanks so much for all the advice. It's really helped me think things through.
Current thought is to tell my manager on first day and hope they'll be supportive, whilst being understandably disappointed. It's going to be clear it was an accident (who would do this I purpose!!!) but if they're really sh*tty with me then I may just decide to leave as I couldn't handle the stress. Worse case situation is that happens and then I miscarry but hopefully it won't come to that. Thanks so much again .....

Personally I would really wait at least until after the 12 week scan.

Ask for an appraisal of your first 8 weeks before you tell them - which would take you to the 12 week scan if you tell them then - then at least you would have evidence that they were happy with your progress at prior to informing of the pg.

This happened to me. I found out I was pregnant after I had handed my notice in to start new job. I started the new job anyway and after I was in a month I told them about the pregnancy.

Whilst it was certainly an uncomfortable conversation at the time, 8 years later (and 2 children) nobody really remembers. I have proven my worth.

Oddly enough, they were more annoyed about my second pregnancy than my first.

As someone who has miscarried in the past, I'd wait until the 12 week scan unless your new role needs risk assessing immediately due to your pregnancy.

Then again, on reflect, you will need their support if the worst did happen. I was glad to have told mine then. Not sure what I'd do thinking about it.

I've been in this situation. Got pregnant between being offered the job and start date.

Are you aware you won't get smp but will have to apply for maternity allowance instead? It is taxed differently and you don't get the 6 weeks of 90%.

I think it depends, I employed someone who had just found out she was pg and she didn't tell me till the last poss moment (I had guessed anyway) and was a bit fed up but could understand.

As someone who has worked in a senior role I think I would give it a week (making sure you like it and also gauging potential reaction) and ask for a one to one with manager and then let them know. Make sure they understand you don't have to do this and you are letting them know for planning reasons and also you will need a replacement whilst away so gives them the best poss opportunity to approach a temporary person.

R

I was in exactly this situation and told my new employer as soon as I found out - before I started- but this was partly because I wanted to get it off my chest as I am a worrier! They were pretty supportive actually and appreciated being told so early. However you're totally in your rights to wait until the 12 weeks if that makes you feel more comfortable. Don't worry too much about their response, most people are reasonable and acknowledge things like this happen in real life!