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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dp is being a bit of a twat

31 replies

wheresthelight · 16/04/2015 01:37

Dp snores horrendously, I find it very difficult to share a bed woth him because it disturbs my sleep so much.

dd is 19 months and not herself tonight (half waking and screaming, thrashing about and then calming down but whimpering like in pain but no temp etc) so is in with us so she doesn't disturb dsd.

Dd has woken me several times but is currently asleep, do hasn't woken once but is snoring something awful so I have told him to either shut up or sleep on the sofa as between him and dd I have already had 2 nights this week with no sleep at all and still having to go into work.

he has finally gone downstairs but had had a massive temper tantrum about it and thrown stuff around downstairs but is asleep on the sofa as he is still bloody snoring.

I had a cough a couple of weeks back and spent a fortnight on the sofa so as not to disturb him in his nights off so aibu to expect him to nit throw a tantrum worthy of the toddler when I kick him out of bed so I actually get some sleep for once?

OP posts:
Original poster
wheresthelight · 16/04/2015 01:42

in case it matters I nearly always end up in dd's bed but dsd is here and I don't think it's appropriate so on those nights I end up awake or on the sofa but dd is clingy to me when she wakes and I can't sleep on it with her

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Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 16/04/2015 01:46

Could he get help with his snoring?

Sleeping on a sofa is pants really.

itsbetterthanabox · 16/04/2015 01:47

Sounds like it would be better for you to go sleep on the sofa and he can stay looking after dd. You'll definitely sleep then.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 16/04/2015 02:02

He needs to lose weight or his snoring won't get better

and if I thought for a second he would wake when she cries I would but he doesn't and I have a bad back from a nasty fall on ice at work so cannot cope with running up and down the stairs.

twice since dd was born I have asked him to go elsewhere to sleep because his snoring was bad and I needed sleep and I can count on one hand the number of times he has woken up when she has cried.

I know the sofa is pants (although it is very comfy) but he is being incredibly selfish and then childish to throw a tantrum

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RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 16/04/2015 02:03

Ok, it's too late for tonight but going forward try to plan ahead. Being woken and moved is rubbish and makes most people cross. If you know you need a decent night and you won't be able /willing to decamp (because it shouldn't always be you!) let him know before bed. Tonight will give you a good platform to start a conversation (once everyone is in better moods obviously Grin) so explain about the snoring, dsd being there etc. explain that you don't mind sometimes but that he needs to take his turn. Also see if he will look at getting help for the snoring. lack of sleep is a killer so living with someone who snores is always going to be a challenge, they need to recognise that and do their part to make it bearable.

FredSaid · 16/04/2015 02:04

Snoring is annoying but he cant sleep on the sofa forever, try some earplugs for the meantime

Original poster
wheresthelight · 16/04/2015 02:11

red I have had that very conversation with him this evening and it clearly hasn't registered. he knows full well it's a problem as he always says he won't come up straight away so I can get off to sleep without him disturbing me

ear plugs aren't a helpful suggestion when I have a toddler who isn't sleeping through and he doesn't hear - please read the thread

OP posts:
textfan · 16/04/2015 02:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 16/04/2015 02:22

People can be grumpy arses when in that half awake/half asleep mode so I wouldn't damn him on tonight's performance alone.

That being said it sounds as though he's the one having a jolly old time sleeping through the night leaving you to deal with your child when she wakes. So my sympathy for him is limited.

Earplugs are not a solution. The solution involves him agreeing that his snoring is intolerable for you and that he needs to do something about it. Sounds like his weight is the major factor. There are some great free apps you can download to your phone that will monitor and record all snoring incidents. Might make for some interesting listening for him.

Unless you've been kept awake at night by someone's snoring it's impossible to understand how absolutely infuriating it is. For the good of your marriage he needs to address this now.

Longdistance · 16/04/2015 02:30

When me and dh got together and he'd snore like a puffing train express, I recorded him on my phone and showed shamed him to give him an understanding of how disturbing his snoring was.

I go mad if dh doesn't do his share in getting up with dd's.

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Canyouforgiveher · 16/04/2015 02:41

Sleeping on a sofa is pants really

sleeping - or rather lying awake - with someone who snores is worse pants.

You and he should have a talk about this ideally when both of you are awake, fairly rested and not cross. middle of the night, neither of you will be able to have a decent conversation.

he should do something about his snoring
you both should figure out how to manage until he no longer snores

BlackBettyBamALam · 16/04/2015 02:46

YADNBU, I feel your pain. My DH snores loudly and won't do anything about it (apparently it's my problem it bothers me and he's not doing it on purpose) Hmm

We have a non-sleeping 2yo and as he's never done nights with the little one, it makes me incredibly stabby when I'm awake because of his snoring after broken nights with the baby.

I now co sleep with the baby in her room, the disadvantage being that I can't reach him to give a jab in the ribs. He's ended up on the sofa on numerous occasions over the last 2 years, also throwing strops all the way. The thing is, he's still managed a decent amount of sleep, which I resent him for as he won't do anything to help me get the same Angry

Sorry, bit of a rant, but needless to say I think you have to do whatever it takes to get some sleep.

RokensWife · 16/04/2015 04:33

I've been sleeping on the sofa for around 6 months due to DH snoring. He refuses to move from the bed or even change position. The dog is snoring away down here but that doesn't make me feel stabby like listening to DH snore does

googoodolly · 16/04/2015 05:14

I dunno, I'd be grumpy if he was woken up and told to move to the sofa in the middle of the night, so I think YABabitU to expect him to have been happy about it.

However he needs to address his snoring and get up in the the night. Send him off the GP - people who snore and do nothing about it when it disturbs their partners are selfish. No, they can't necessarily help it once they're asleep but they can do something to try and stop it.

00100001 · 16/04/2015 07:43

Wake him up in the night when Dd wakes, an tell h to get up and see to her

Record him snoring and tell him to do something about snoring otherwise you'll be sleeping in.seperate rooms

RhiWrites · 16/04/2015 09:04

When my OH snores he gets rolled over the first time and then kicked into the spare room if he doesn't stop. Luckily for me he's okay with it!

squoosh · 16/04/2015 10:33

I've been sleeping on the sofa for around 6 months due to DH snoring. He refuses to move from the bed or even change position.

How can you tolerate that?? Shock

Sleeping on the sofa but most all his selfishness?

HelenF350 · 16/04/2015 10:35

Try changing his pillow. My ex snored like crazy but I got him a lower pillow and virtually stopped! Worth a try x

Metalguru · 16/04/2015 11:58

Snoring is only half the issue, why doesn't he help with the night wakings? If you both work it should be 50/50. If he doesn't hear germ you may have to nudge him or get a baby monitor and put it right next to his ear!

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 16/04/2015 15:02

Well at least he knows there is an issue. Next is explaining that his solution doesn't work for you! Perhaps, in the same vein, he should agree that you'll wake him for the toddler then you can get back to sleep before he starts snoring again?

Sorry, probably slightly flippant! How about a diary? Log how much sleep you get and the reasons/times you are awake along with the times he is. Each day/week tot up the totals and show him exactly how much you are affected by the situation. include something about how you feel each day too then ask him if he feels it's fair for your life to be so affected.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 16/04/2015 15:13

red that's actually a really good idea!! off to get a notebook now Grin

I have laid her screaming next to him and he simply doesn't wake up. he is an exceptionally heavy sleeper. he works nights hence why I do most of them on top of working. will be having words next week when we both are home

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CapnMurica · 16/04/2015 15:30

I agree with squoosh, I wouldn't damn him for being arsey. I would be arsey if I was woken in the middle of the night and told to sleep elsewhere!

He needs to address the snoring though.

Icimoi · 16/04/2015 15:35

Have you tried recording him? It might help him to realise what you're dealing with.

squoosh · 16/04/2015 15:39

Yes download snoreclock for a couple of quid and it will record every snore he makes. Much better than a notebook log and much harder for him to ignore.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 16/04/2015 15:40

That's for the app will do that too!

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