To think it's impossible to get a job after being a SAHM?

[NotAHope]

I've been a lurker for a while but needed to post this because I am just so frustrated
My dh is in the military and is away a LOT. I've stayed at home with our ds for the last 5 years and we are finally in an area that is not in the middle of nowhere.
I've been applying for jobs for a year. The only thing I won't do is telesales (been there, done that) but nobody will even give me an interview
I was in the military myself for nearly 10 years and have done a good few jobs since I left, all of them I did well!
But nearly every job I apply for initially asks why I have been out of work for 5 years, and when they find out I can only really do school hours, due to the unpredictability of dh's job they don't want to know.
I'm a keen worker. I work hard and I am desperate for a life outside of raising my ds.
I just don't know what else I can do. I thought about voluntary work but we are at the stage where we need two wages coming in, even just part time!
I'm feeling really offended! Especially when I go to some of the places I have applied to and see some of the people they employ. Usually students. I'm guessing because they are cheaper to employ and can work evenings and weekends.
Sorry for war and peace, just feeling sorry for myself..

Best way for anyone to get current references and gain money and very likely a long term to permanent position, if they are good, is to sign up with a temp agency.

Would really recommend this route and don't understand why colleges and unis don't encourage struggling leavers to do this in the first instance.

Wow thanks everyone. Your stories of finding work after being out so long is exactly what I needed to hear. I was having a moment of feeling very sorry for myself and you've really made me feel more optimistic.
A year of looking obviously isn't that long compared to some people, I guess that's the climate we are in.
Bank staff is a great idea, I'm ashamed to say I didn't think of it. Tomorrow I am going to wake up with a whole new attitude. If I'm cleaning toilets in a bar next week I will be happy

I agree it is most likely the school hours thing.

Also about the temping. When I was looking to get back into work I was hazy on what had happened while I was away. A couple of temp posts and I was all caught up and landed a really good job.

Different industry but same sort of job, so throw your net wide. I didn't bother too much with tailoring the CV but my cover letter/email was tailored and I found out as much as I could about each company before writing it.

It's very hard. I went self employed and it great. Base it on what you can do already. Are you fit? You'd have a good angle to market military fitness personal training.

I agree, I have an uncomfortable feeling I won't be working again any time in the next decade

Ok, could it be the hours you need not the fact you've been a sahp.
Do you tailor your cv for the job and have somebody check over your application.
It might be how you are coming across rather than your inability to be suitable for the post iyswim.
I wish you well and good luck to you.
Keep going and something will turn up eventually.
Have you thought about training for a school job, they are like gold dust but about occasionally.
I have friends who gained their TA jobs because they volunteered in school, when a job became available they were already known there and first choice for the position.

hi there notahope!

Well, I wasn't out for quite as long as you, but I know just how you feel. I had two years out as a SAHM because my child (who wasn't planned) had health issues from birth. It was a big struggle financially as I am a single parent, and I knew that sooner or later I would need to go back to work.

The only trouble was, as a single parent with no family living locally, I couldn't go back to my old career, which involved long irregular hours, lots of travel, and often weekend work. Somehow I had to find something that would fit into the hours of a nursery, allow me flexibility to attend my child's hospital appointments etc when needed, would involve no overtime or foreign travel, and still paid me enough to cover childcare and live on. Oh, and something I was actually qualified for. And that's on top of having been out of the workplace for two years and having lost much of my network, current knowledge and confidence.

The good news is that I did achieve what seemed at first impossible - I found something that met ALL those criteria. It was not easy, but here are some tips:

1. Do not rely on responding to job ads. In fact, I'd say be very cautious of them, because they are unlikely to be what you need, but will still only make you more miserable when you don't get interviews. Job ads tend to describe some sort of bionic employee with textbook skills and experience, they are quite rigid in defining hours, responsibilities and pay, and worse still they are usually devised and administered by a box ticking HR person with no authority to go outside these parameters.
2. Start by trying to define who you are as a person - what are your special qualities and what do you think you are really really good at. Are you one of those utterly reliable types who is never late and will never let anyone down - or do you have a gift for networking and influencing other people - or are you the sort of person who loves numbers so much that you run your live on a spreadsheet? Everyone has something. For me, it was writing. People have often told me I write well (please don't judge me on this post!) but it wasn't something I've ever specifically done for a living. I had to scrape up the courage to look people in the eye and say "This is me, I write really well. If you want someone to help you do this, try me." And amazingly, someone eventually did. That is exactly what they wanted.
3. Network. This is the horrible part. It is so hard to put yourself out there. However you need to tell yourself that a) all the best jobs come about through personal contacts, not job ads and b) you will find that once you explain your circumstances and what you are looking for, people will be sympathetic, and will want to help. Tell *everyone you know that you are now looking to return to work, and then tell them, very simply, what you are really good at and how you think you can be useful. Whatever you do, don't say "Anything" or "I don't know" or "Anything but telesales" when they ask you what sort of work you want, because that actually makes it really hard for them to help you. It is OK, though, to say something like "I'm open minded about the industry I work in, but I'd really love to work for someone that can make good use of my amazing organisational/ spreadsheeting/ hospitality/ customer service skills." (delete as applicable...) The clearer that message, the more likely whoever you are talking to will remember you when they run into their friend down the pub who is complaining that he just can't find anyone decent to organise his office/do his spreadsheets/greet his guests etc etc.
4. Negotiate. The great thing about getting a job through personal contact is that you cut out the HR middlemen who will throw your CV in the bin if you don't have X qualification or Y years of experience. You tend to deal with the person you would actually be working for, which means at least part of why they are thinking about hiring you is because they like who you are and can see you in their team. They will also be more flexible about things like hours and pay. So if you find someone who likes you and values what you can contribute, then don't be afraid to be honest about your needs. Your strongest bargaining position is right then. (I was once interviewed by someone who said they were interested in hiring me, but how much did I want to be paid. I, rather cowardly, said X, and he said "Fine". But then I kicked myself overnight and realised I'd sold myself short. So I went back and said actually, I sold myself short: I am worth Y (X+30%). And he said: "OK."(!!!)) Getting my current post maternity job, though, I had done some prep, some thinking about the minimum reasonable salary I could accept and still survive on. I'd decided that rather than push hard for a higher salary, I would save my bargaining power for flexibility on hours. The employer had originally been looking for someone to work full time, but I said I wanted to do four days a week, at least to start with. I also made it clear the hours I could work each day, and offered to work through lunch and pick up urgent things from home in the evening if necessary. Timing of this is crucial though - you want to negotiate after they've decided they like you and want you and you are the answer to their prayers...but not too late that they think you've sprung a nasty surprise or ultimatum on them. The best thing to do, probably, is to mention a bit about your general circumstances early on so they are prepared, and then gradually get more specific about your needs as the process progresses.

Sorry to have replied at such length, but I wanted to let you know first hand that it is possible to find something that works, even when starting from such a seemingly unpromising place!

SS

I was in similar position and ideally wanted some sort of office work. I asked around my Facebook friends - which happened to include some former colleagues from many moons ago - and one told me of a vacancy at her company. If I'd have sent a cv directly to the company I'd never have got an interview because my experience wasn't directly relevant, but she put in a good word, I got an interview, and got the job!

Training in a specific area of need such as a nurse or social worker can be a good career path after being a sahm if you are interested in those jobs.

I got a part time job after 9 years as a SAHM and gradually worked back up to full time as my DC got older.

You can do it OP, and I'm sure you will. Best of luck.

I have a job interview for a care job next week and just found out today I have been invited for another. I have been a SAHM/carer for 15 years! Its not the job I really want but it is something.

OP, I know exactly where you are coming from with your frustration about job hunting.

I finally managed to find a suitable job (part time) about a year ago after 15 years as a SAHM. I had been looking for several years, and had found the whole process very demoralising and disillusioning.

I actually think that many office based employers have not really kept up with the times, in that working from home is now very much more easily set up with the advances of the internet. Much more flexibility is possible that way and it would help many women who want to return to work. Most still don't offer it though, and it just left me thinking that there must be a lit of dormant or wasted talent at the school gates.

You've had great advice and I can't add to it. I will wish you well with your search. Keep pegging away. Something will turn up when you least expect it.

It's worth looking at retraining opportunities in skills shortage areas if you're happy to change direction completely. I was a sahm for ten years but I was doing a distance learning BSc for part of that time, then I did a Master's full time once the dc were older. It was in a new sector which hadn't even existed before I'd had the dc, and getting skilled up meant I was able to get a well-paid short term contract straight after graduating. Then I took a couple more contracts followed by a permanent position on a good salary. I'd only ever had part-time student type jobs so if you have the skills that are needed then the gap in your CV won't be an issue.

I think researching your childcare options might help you with confidence - you could be coming over as apprehensive because you know that there will be an issue and therefore hold back on committing.

Have a look round some childminders and the after school care provision in your area. Find one that you like and then have a back up. The settings don't expect that you'll only look around once you need them, a good setting will meet you before you have employment and show you what they're about. Once you are happy with it I'm sure you will come across as more confident - and more available. Having a child shouldn't stop you from working the hours which are out of school, obviously emergencies come up when you can't use childcare but that's a day to day concern for all us working parents which just has to be dealt with at the time. It's not nice being torn between the guilt of your poorly child and letting colleagues down - but it's all soon forgotten once the child is well again and things have been caught up at work.

I think that most employers wouldn't be out off by your CV gap - it's a very, very common and acceptable reason to be out of work and I'm sure by following stickystick's advice you'll find a job which is suitable for you. Good luck!

YABU. I was a SAHM for 5 years. It took me 7 months to find temporary work and then a further 4 months to find a permanent position. I did relevant volunteering work during school hours in the first 7 months but to be honest what helped most was my absolute belief that the 5 years I'd had off somehow negated the 15 years of work and experience I had before having children. That confidence really helped in applying for jobs and also, later, in interviews.

Duh! .....that the 5 years I'd had off did not somehow negate the 15 years of work and experience. ....

It is hard but what I would say is don't make your availability an issue before it has to be. I know you're being honest and upfront but you're also ruling yourself out before you've even had a chance to sell yourself. Wait until you're offered something then discuss hours. I've done that successfully before.

OP, what are your qualifications? Are you prepared to retrain?

Also have you thought (you probably have, but just in case) of applying for jobs in schools?

Have you thought about self-employment OP, particularly considering you will move regularly?

What did you do before?

It can be really hard as a military wife to find work because like a previous poster said, they can see your address and know you're on a patch and that could mean a posting and you'll be gone. A lot of the wives on my patch have that problem. I live in a garrison town and so most employers know by the address that you're military and that puts them off. All you can do is keep trying and like others have said, perhaps try bank work, or work with an agency.
I'm not in a position to start work yet, 2 very young dcs but when they are in school I'll be looking.
Fingers crossed for you op. Perhaps leave your address off your cv? If you're in an extended posting you can mention that in the covering letter perhaps? That way they can see you'll be around for the foreseeable. My dh's regiment is permanently based where we live but I know i'll be facing similar problems to you when I go back to work.
Good luck!

I was at home for about 8 years, with bits of freelance admin jobs over the years, but full time impossible as we haven't family support and she works irregular hours. I started at the local high school recently as a cover supervisor. No teaching experience needed, just common sense, empathy, and 'mum smarts'. It a tough job, but I'm enjoying it. I do about 3or 4 days a week term time. Pay is not great, but school hours suits me and holidays off.

Its not impossible, just quite hard going. I've been a SAHM for nearly 8 years. On JSA for nearly 3 years.

It burns you out looking for jobs and just getting dismissed without even an interview.

My advice, apply for everything (I mean everything) regardless of hours, take anything, show that you can work effectively without childcare issues having an adverse effect on your attendance and performance, then apply for the jobs you really want.

The point is that, unfair though it may be, many employers are put off by applicants with younger children, you often need to show that it is not a problem.