Why do some nice intelligent women end up with crappy men?

[Thecowandcat]

I've been reading a few threads on here today that got me thinking, why do some women end up with such awful men?

I'm not talking about the horribly physically and emotionally abusive ones, where women get trapped and are intimidated and afraid so they end up staying.

I'm talking about the more everyday kind of awful man.

For example, a friend of mine is an amazing women. She has a great career, a great personality, is good looking, is funny, is wise and kind. She is one of the best people I know.

And yet . . .

She is married to this utter doilum. He makes creepy flirtatious comments to other women and clearly thinks the sun shines out of his arse. I avoid him when possible.

In fairness she seems fairly happy and it's possible that she doesn't know about the comments. He's pretty clever and the comments are sometimes open to interpretation, a lot of the creepiness is in the tone and they are never made in front of her, so maybe she is clueless about that side of him.

I just cannot understand how such an amazing women ended up with a man who is so far beneath her.

Anyone else observed this?

Felix
You put their name in stars!
Felix without the spaces.

Aha! Thanks seriously

Some of these are so honest but so sad.
Phalenopsis

When i was young (21-30) i was in an EA relationship and I'll tell you why ... Ive never felt more alive, excited and 'hung up.' He used to say that he was doing me a favour by going out with me as I was poor and 'plump' (size 10). I believed him as I was shy and although my parents loved me, I suffered from benign neglect (they had mental health issues).

I craved attention, especially male attention, in any form. Sexual attention and affection was the only sort I could get. This need, together with my humble background lead me into unsuitable relationships (I couldnt afford to leave home and live alone so in order to 'escape' I compromised considerably. I thought it was all I deserved. My catholic upbringing & schooling didnt help.

Isn't there also an element of boiled frog syndrome? None of these men start out being obvious wankers or they'd never get anyone into their clutches. They ramp it up slowly or once women are invested in the relationship. Surely it's no coincidence that a lot of abuse starts when the woman is pregnant?

My ex wasn't abusive but he did develop a variety of OCD behaviours that had a negative impact on me. When we split up I wondered why I had allowed him to control my behaviours so much but it had crept up on me in such a gradual way that it became our normal.

whatsthat yes, he definetely hates women. Yet women tend to fawn over him - initially, that is

Mothership Id never heard of boiled frog syndrome. Just looked it up..it says it all really

If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will instinctually try to climb out. However...If you gently place it in a pot of lukewarm water and turn the heat on low, it will float there calmly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog is unaware of its deadly changing environment and before long it boils to death