To ask for thoughts on this schooling decision please?

[wishparentingwaseasy]

My dd is currently in year 5. With lots of sadness we have to move her in year 6 from her independent school for financial reasons.

We had hoped for her to stay until end of year 6 and move to local state secondary, but life hasn't panned out that way.

So my decision now is:

Do I move her to the local primary (there is space) and she has to deal with the questions of why she's joining in year 6 but then moves up with "hopefully" friends made?

Or do I move her to a primary near my work (there is space) and she has to deal with questions of why she's joining in year 6, but then moves into secondary school?

Basically I'm concerned she'll be stigmatised for coming from an independent and I know she won't lie and say it's financial.

AIBU to worry about this or are my fears unfounded and no child will care?

I'd go for local primary. I can't see that a child would care which school she's come from. If it did attract negative comment I'm sure the teacher could address it discreetly.

I would go with option a, more continuity and then her primary school will be involved in all the appropriate transition days. She only needs to say she is moving to a school closer to home.

I would move her to whichever school is likely to have other children moving up to the same secondary; that way she doesn't have to spend all year making friends, only to have to leave them again at the end of Y6. That way, she should be able to carry friendships across to secondary school.

Too many 'that ways', sorry.

Local! That way she will make friends and then hopefully move up with some of them to secondary.
This has happened to a lot of children who have newly joined my DCs primary.
We are a relatively small, village primary school in a nice area and with a few spaces and we have seen them used up over the last year or so.
Many kids are ex-indie and nobody cares. It's nobody's business.

If you're children are nice and so are you, there will no issues other than normal, 'kids moving school ones' to deal with.

Good luck and don't stress too much and FWIW, most kids won't even ask or care.

No one will care. Especially not the kids. They are going to be more concerned with getting to know her as a person.

The other children might not even ask why she has moved schools. If they ask, and she tells them, they aren't going to dwell on it. Ten year old kids (at least, the ones in DD's class and DS3's class) don't spend much time thinking about other people's financial circumstances, unless they know someone is in acute need, in which case they would want to help.

DS3 had a new child join his class in the middle of Y5. I know that she came from an independent school because her mum mentioned it, but all DS3 cares about is that she is good at T square and makes him laugh in Spanish lessons.

Your not you're

In the experience I have of children, your DD's new peers will care a jot where she has come from. This assuming your DD goes in 'on the level' and not with a chip.

Oh thank you so much for the positive reassuring posts.

I feared it was my projecting, rather than reality.

The local school is lovely - we tried to get her in in year 3 but it was full, before that we were out of area. So do really like the school.

Local.

But you will do her a huge favour, both socially and for her own sake, if you big up her new school and don't send her full of ideas that it is second best. No one will care what the reasons are unless she goes about saying how much better her old school was, or how her family is richer than others. And I'm sure she won't do that.

Is it viable to move her? Do you have to still pay fees to the independent school or have you got a notice period etc? Are you in an 11 plus area?

I honestly think kids don't grasp the concept of money, unless they are overtly exposed to it and somehow made to think that having more is better.
A child will know that his/her house is bigger than, say a friend who lives in a smallish two-bedroomed place, but they just don't care! They honestly don't.

i will certainly boost up the school and the perks that occur by going there. Fortunately it is a wealthy area and we live in the worse house in the area so she's under no illusion that we are wealthy.

Actually, now I think about it, at least two children joined my secondary school from independents. It never occurred to me that they'd probably done so for financial reasons until I just read this thread! fret not. Children are (ok, well, I was) remarkably self-absorbed and uninterested in other people's preoccupations.
Agree though that key thing is your DD's attitude. I have met some truly horrendously un-self-aware people from independent schools who assumed that anything state was all drugs, gangs and flick knives, and had a v condescending attitude to those of us who'd been slumming it out there.

Have to hand in notice at end of April, so will move in September.

We border an 11+ area but we're looking at comprehensive.

Really ran out of money 6 months ago but was hoping for some miracle don't know what buried head firmly in the sand so have to move.

I don't think your average Y6 child even really knows that St Ethelred's down the road is fee-paying whereas theirs is not. They'll be aware that there is another school called St Ethelred's, but that'll be the extent of it. I just can't imagine a scenario where any of my DCs would have come home and said "new girl started today - she moved because her parents can't afford her old school anymore". It just won't come up.

And yes, move her to the school where she won't have to start all over again re friendships at secondary. It'll be too much for her otherwise.

I moved DS from independent to a state primary in yr 5. It was a very happy last two years of primary for him and he's now in yr 10 at a fantastic academy. Our reasons for moving him were never questioned as far as I'm aware.

I'm now working at the primary he attended, and we have had other children arrive in years 5&6 from independents. They've settled wonderfully, just as DS did.

The class size (from noise behaviour) has always been her comment on state schools.

Any advice of positives as to why (from a child's PoV) a class of 30 is better than 12? The whole school is bigger there are almost as many in her year at the new school as in the whole school of where she's leaving.

I had a child join my class (year 5) this year from an independent school. To the rest of the class they were just a new girl. Everyone wanted to get to know her and fought over who got to show her round and sit next to her. My class certainly don't even realise you can pay to go to school.

This is fantastic such positive posts making me feel so much happier.

I think I wouldn't try to pretend that more children was better (though it may be better having more children to make friends with) but just tell her the truth: having 30 children in a class is in fact just deeply normal. Most schools have this class size, and that's how most children are taught, and how most teachers teach.

As a year 6 teacher I'd say nobody would be interested why she had moved school just rather which school she had been to.

Positives for a larger class - more opportunity for friendship groups/ people to play with. Small groups of children can be really tricky when the fall out.

X-post with your reply.

The girl I had this year now has the academic support she needs in maths as her old school did not have enough staff and children for adequate differentiation to occur it seemed.
She also has friends as there is a much larger variety of personalities to fit in with. Friends that can play out in the evening as they live down her road too.