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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in putting my foot down?

45 replies

ProudofmyWench · 15/04/2015 14:31

Can I please have opinions on "baby talk" and smothering children. I don't mean literally I mean not giving them space to do anything and constantly going on at them calling at them and just, well smothering them?
I find it so annoying and frustrating that I think I am in danger of breaking my teeth (or someones face) if it doesn't stop!!!

Sorry for the rant but that feels better!! :-)

My FIL and MIL insist on talking to my DD and the other DGS and DGD in a high pitched overly loud voice and baby talking. "are you commin' to gwanddad faw a cuggle". I've asked several times for it to stop but to no avail. I ask them to leave her be and give her some space and they insist on picking her up and pulling her about. Please don't get me wrong the are kind and would never hurt her I have no doubt about that but they just won't listen to my wishes. All I get but is that "it does no harm" "it doesn't make a difference" "it doesn't effect their speech... we did it with the other two and they don't talk like it"......

I cannot find the words to adequately describe how much all this is winding me up. I want her to figure things out on her own not have them do it for her. I want her to have the space to fall and pick herself back up not be so crowded that she falls over because they don't give her the space to get her balance. I want to be able to say something and have my wishes, thoughts and what I say respected not just brushed aside and them carry on doing what they want.

It's got to the point I am going to loose my temper (which I don't want to do) and say they either stop all this or DD doesn't visit. I just want to shout out SHUT THE HELL UP!! But I don't want to cause trouble, I really just want them to understand that they've had their time as parents. This is my turn and what I say goes!

Am I being unreasonable and is anyone else going through this??

OP posts:
reni1 · 15/04/2015 14:40

I get baby talk rage, too, but YABU, I'm afraid. Nothing you can do, it won't be long before long DD will raise one eyebrow quizzically and ask why they are talking funny. That will be a delicious moment and the end of baby talk. Bite your tongue and savour the moment DD when will snap.

reni1 · 15/04/2015 14:42

take out one of the longs

00100001 · 15/04/2015 14:44

how old is the child?

shewept · 15/04/2015 14:56

Its annoying but not worth threatening them with not seeing your child though. So sorry yabu.

pluCaChange · 15/04/2015 14:57

I don't think you can complain any more to your PIL than you have done about the baby talk so concentrate your efforts on your own DC, but you can certainly concentrate on this issue: "not be so crowded that she falls over because they don't give her the space to get her balance", as that is bloody annoying unless pfb and the other DGC are themselves getting underfoot.

HaPPy8 · 15/04/2015 14:57

Baby talk is meant to be good for language development. But even if it wasn't I think you would be unreasonable because this can only be a few hours a week surely? The rest of the time she is with you so a few hours a week of them 'crowding' her as she learns to walk wont stop her learning to do so.

Quitelikely · 15/04/2015 15:01

I think yabu. You are very lucky to have nice pils.

I think you are wrong to dictate how they communicate with your child especially as what they are doing isn't offensive, upsetting or detrimental to your child.

Triliteral · 15/04/2015 15:01

My mother used to drive me up the wall when mine were babies saying 'Awwww ... God bless,' every time they sneezed. No one in our entire family has ever blessed anyone before, and the ridiculous baby voice made me want to smash something. Instead I ground my teeth and bit my tongue (difficult to do both at once I know) and luckily she grew out of it quite quickly. Your PIL will too. And they are quite correct, it won't do your child any harm, whereas cutting you and her off from the very useful help they may shortly begin to offer probably will. I totally get that it's driving you insane, but YWBU to say or do anything rash.

reni1 · 15/04/2015 15:06

It is oh-so maddening though. I am always embarrassed for the baby talker.

00100001 · 15/04/2015 15:09

YABU

"I have nice doting grandparents who clearly adore my child - THE BASTARDS!"

fulltothebrim · 15/04/2015 15:10

Depends on the age of the DD.

If she is 14, then I am on your side.
If she is 2 then I think you are very lucky to have such lovely PILs.

Nanny0gg · 15/04/2015 15:21

How often do you see them?

Bowlersarm · 15/04/2015 15:24

Yabu.

Sorry but you are. They're being doting grandparents. And you're throwing that terrible comment "they've had their time as parents". So what? Now they're having their time as grandparents.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 15/04/2015 15:32

If your daughter is under 2 (minimal verbal ability), yabu. It does no harm to language development, in fact is shown to encourage language use. If your child is adequately verbal, it's a bit silly, no need to 'baby' a child longer than needed, it may encourage 'babish' behaviour. If it's beyond toddler years, totally not being unreasonable, and I'd be surprised if any child would put up with it, as lovely as grandparents are.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 15/04/2015 15:38

Is your dd unhappy with her grandparents behaviour? If so then yanbu but if not then leave them be.

SurlyCue · 15/04/2015 15:38

I want her to figure things out on her own not have them do it for her. I want her to have the space to fall and pick herself back up not be so crowded that she falls over because they don't give her the space to get her balance.

Erm unless she is living with them and them alone then she will learn that stuff. Theyre loving grandparents, theyre being affectionate and caring. You are being posessive. Theyre entitled to develop their own relationship with her. It doesnt have to mirror your behaviour or fall within how you would do things. YABU.

Scrounger · 15/04/2015 16:37

I hate baby talk too and never did it with mine. I hated my mIl saying bot-bot instead of bottom and it was non stop. I also wanted to let them get up themselves if they fell over instead of rushing in and asking if they wee hurt etc. however I never said anything as they love all their GCs and I cannot demand or control how others interact with them (except if someone is being mean etc). Part of your children growing up is learning how to interact with other people and developing their own relationships. I agree withSurleyCue, your child is with you most of the time so she wil learn how to balance etc. it's a long game and it isn't damaging her. Let them have their fun together.

reni1 · 15/04/2015 16:41

Scrounger bot bots and din dins are even worse than baby voices. My favourite is quack quack, so much harder to say than "duck". But you still can't say anything.

NerrSnerr · 15/04/2015 16:47

I think YABU unless she's a teenager or they are her primary carers.

Scrounger · 15/04/2015 16:49

I still wince when I hear it. I would have been really unreasonable to say anything. It's a phase it doesn't last long.

VirginiaTonic · 15/04/2015 16:56

YABU

Talking like that to babies is actually proven to help with development of language. Baby names for things are easier to say, quack quack is much easier to say than duck. You are being mean and they are doing something harmless.

cleanmyhouse · 15/04/2015 17:06

my parents used to drive me mental when my two were little. i pulled them up about loads. It was a sort of territorial thing for me, trying to assert that I WAS THE PARENT! I massively regret it now. They are two devoted grandparents with nothing but love and good intentions.

Original poster
ProudofmyWench · 15/04/2015 20:42

Thankyou everyone yes I am being a wee bit unreasonable and of course I wouldn't stop them seeing her Blush. They do see her quite regularly and I think its the volume they talk to her that winds me up the most and snatching her up for cuddles when she just wants to play on the floor, then picking her up again two minutes later...... They are not in any way mean and I didn't mean the "they've had their turn " in a negative way. Its been 34 odd years since they had LO's and i would like my views at least listened to. They are fantastic GPs but if they just took a step back they'd see what my DD wants to do instead of what they think she wants. But you are all right. Bite my tongue and it won't be long before she tells them herself Smile

OP posts:
corgiology · 15/04/2015 21:45

AIBU in putting my foot down?

No, hopping is so overrated :D

VipersBosom · 15/04/2015 22:09

My ILS were very like this when DS was very new - continually in his face, holding him when he wanted to be put down, snapping their fingers at him, decibel level deafening, never responding to him, just going into this deafening routine of loud rhetorical baby talk questions. 'Oo's gwan-gwan's boy? Oo is? OO IS???' I ground my teeth and rescued him when he got too irritated. It stopped gradually when he got old enough to make it clear this wasn't his idea of a good time, and they're now lovely with him.

This too shall pass.