AIBU in putting my foot down?

[ProudofmyWench]

Can I please have opinions on "baby talk" and smothering children. I don't mean literally I mean not giving them space to do anything and constantly going on at them calling at them and just, well smothering them?
I find it so annoying and frustrating that I think I am in danger of breaking my teeth (or someones face) if it doesn't stop!!!

Sorry for the rant but that feels better!! :-)

My FIL and MIL insist on talking to my DD and the other DGS and DGD in a high pitched overly loud voice and baby talking. "are you commin' to gwanddad faw a cuggle". I've asked several times for it to stop but to no avail. I ask them to leave her be and give her some space and they insist on picking her up and pulling her about. Please don't get me wrong the are kind and would never hurt her I have no doubt about that but they just won't listen to my wishes. All I get but is that "it does no harm" "it doesn't make a difference" "it doesn't effect their speech... we did it with the other two and they don't talk like it"......

I cannot find the words to adequately describe how much all this is winding me up. I want her to figure things out on her own not have them do it for her. I want her to have the space to fall and pick herself back up not be so crowded that she falls over because they don't give her the space to get her balance. I want to be able to say something and have my wishes, thoughts and what I say respected not just brushed aside and them carry on doing what they want.

It's got to the point I am going to loose my temper (which I don't want to do) and say they either stop all this or DD doesn't visit. I just want to shout out SHUT THE HELL UP!! But I don't want to cause trouble, I really just want them to understand that they've had their time as parents. This is my turn and what I say goes!

Am I being unreasonable and is anyone else going through this??

Maybe try to gently guide them e.g. 'Oh dd loves to do this (show something where she is playing on the floor) she is changing so fast now' so they can start to see that she likes to do different things. If she doesn't like being picked up and wants to do something else she'll let them know.

My partner's DM texts me using 'baby talk' if she is looking after my baby only its worse as she actually pretends to be my baby: 'Hi mummy, just had my bot bot changed...hi mummy just had a nap.... Some people will think this is cute. I think its cringeworthy behaviour so I can see why you feel like you need a rant really. But as others have said, this stage will pass and it makes grandparents happy so I would try and grin and bear it for now.

I want my views listened to

Sorry, sounds like you expect your pil to do everything your way and a wee bit possessive. I promise you, devoted loving gps KNOW she is your pfb.

How old is your DD?

Yabu unless she is over 2 and can talk.

Motherese or baby talk is actually a really important stage in child language development. It helps not hinders speech.

Its difficult to explain on message. I know I sound possessive but when I say I wish I could have my views listened to its not a "do it my way" , I guess its not having to defend why I'm doing things the way I do. To not have MIL just take DD out of my arms while im trying settle her. Everyones right it'll pass I guess just got to grin and bear it

To not have MIL just take DD out of my arms while im trying settle her.

You can absolutely say 'no' to that.

Yabu about not visiting, but i do agree baby talk and smothering is annoying.

One of my son's DGP's literally follows him around with their arms out ready to catch him if he falls, though he has been walking steadily for months . If my son wants to climb, or pull up against furniture, its fine by me as long as he isn't doing something that may cause him an accident. I leave him be. Yet GP hovers about ready to catch him all the sodding time.

It really gives me the rage.

Oh I hate this too, we've never spoken to DS in a baby way but my parents do it all the time - the cuddling, smothering and pandering drives me mad. I've bitten my tongue for 2 years, however, since he turned 2 and could speak for himself he tells them "no!" when they try to pick him up when he's busy playing and says things like "it's not , it " and "no grandma, I'm busy" ha ha! So eventually, they'll see that that have to stop, mine certainly have and I haven't had to say a thing :).

I think you're actually most wound up about the wrong things. Baby-talk is awful for another adult to listen to, yes, but the worst things they're doing to your child are the crowding her to the extent she falls, and grabbing her out of your arms (especially when you're trying to settle her, but even if you're just enjoying a nice cuddle).

Those are the dreadful things, and if you can compromise with yourself that you won't waste your energy on the baby talk, you can really "go after" things which are actually negative.

I'm just glad to see other people are quietly seething at baby talk, too.

PluCaChange thankyou

Higher pitched 'song song' voices are good for development, it's silly words like 'cuggle' I would be putting a stop to, mainly because I hate it when people teach kids an incorrect word but soon get sick of the child saying it at 3+!

I think you should read this: www.janetlansbury.com/2010/05/accepting-grandparents-good-intentions-with-humble-apologies-to-my-father-in-law/

Yes, YABU. Unless they are primary carers, their style of upbringing won't define how your child turns out.

I know sing song voices are good for development.... this is squawking, loud shrill squawking. So much louder than normal talk right at her. Calling her name over and over and over. As I Mum who actually really likes my IL's I'd rather her have quality time have fun instead of being treated like a performing monkey. All I ask is that they back off a wee bit, calm down and realise its not all about them. But that I mean just because they want a cuddle doesn't mean DD does, when the other GC are visiting it wold be nice for DD to actually get to play with them and her Uncles and Aunties instead of GP's having to Monopoly. DD is a little person not a play thing.
As a person (never mind her mum) I should be able to say I don't like something or I'd prefer them not to do it a actually get listened to. Never have I said you must do this my way.

YmayBU but then I'm sooooo much more unreasonable than you! My 8yo cousin talks like this to my DS and it drives me up the wall,

It honestly feels like chalk on a blackboard. I haven't complained (as he's 8 after all) but I constantly try to steer him to talking normally "to help him learn".

As a grandparent I will follow the parents' wishes when it comes to bedtimes, food, treats (amount and content of), what clothes they prefer if I'm in a buying mood (no point in spending money on something that wouldn't be worn) etc.

But I would draw the line at being told how to speak to my DGC. Step too far, that.

My Dad still talks to my nearly 17 year old like she's four. She just rolls her eyes and indulges him. I think you should cut them some slack, which you have indicated you will do. There is nothing better than indulgent grandparents in my opinion and now my Dad has early stage dementia and my mother is dead, I would give anything to have them back as they were. Make the most of it.

my pil do this with my six year old my son will say goodbye give me a kiss and a cuddle goodbye then it starts say goodbye to mommy tell mommy you wuv her give her a cuggle give nanny a smooch and a squeeze love nanny forever wuv nanny lots and lots like (insert anything random here) does you wuv nanny does you wuv your mommy

he is going to there house for TEA not leaving FOREVER!

wuv and cuggle should be banned from society possibly with big fines for repeat offenders the government would make a fortune

My mother does it too. DD is 16.