Is DH UR to insist I tell parents he will supervise play date?

[vvviola]

DD1 wants a friend to come over after school next week. DD has been there before, we're happy to have the girl over.

DH does school run and appears to be SAHD (he works funny hours from home so is always available for pick up etc). He collected DD1 from her play at other girls house before. Other than the 1st few weeks of school before I started back at work, I have never done pick ups etc, so if anyone is known to other parents it would be DH (DD has only been in the school since January).

For various reasons I am the one who deals with phone calls/invitations/calendars in our house, so I am sending the Mum a text with the invite.

DH is insisting that I have to make it very clear that he is the one who will be picking up/supervising them. I think it's kind of irrelevant and that in any case, the Mum will know he does pick up rather than me.

Is he BU? Or would you expect a message about a play date to specify which parent would be there? (Part of my conviction that he is UR is coming from the fact that every time I try to include it in the text, it just comes across really weird!)

I want to know who is supervising my kids, whether male or female, and would find it odd if you did the organising and didn't mention you wouldn't be there. One mum got her friend to collect dd - I didn't know her and was annoyed. That's probably because it's a mum who is unreliable anyway (wasn't sure whether the kids would be dropped off at empty house) and the friend is quite flaky. Also I want my kids always to know who is picking them up - seems sensible to me.

I don't really get why you find it annoying to give basic info to parents whose kids you want round. You should let your dh - who sounds sensible and sensitive - make the arrangements.

It doesn't need to be complicated phrasing or any explanation given, but the other parent needs to have a contact number for the adult who has charge of their child. Agree with PP: Fred will pick up the girls and feed them etc, is 6.30 ok for you to collect? Fred's number is...

I just want to know why the DH doesn't send the bloody text!?

He needs to make the arrangements. Will he? The fact he won't is a bigger deal than letting someone know he will be taking their child home.

I think you should mention it. I find the fact he's the father irrelevant, it's more to do with if someone invited my children somewhere then I'd expect the person doing the inviting to be there. If not, it's nice to be informed, just to be clear on what's happebed. He isn't bu. I'd also have no issues with a father supervising.

My husband has two afternoons a week so occasionally he's been around when ds's friends have come over the play rather than me. I've made the arrangements because I'm the one who knows the other mums, but I've said something like "we can do Tuesday 10th because DH is home that afternoon".

If they are infant school age the other child's parent would have to write in a book that [person] is collecting them that day at my son's infant school as the teacher wouldn't release them otherwise.

It's quite usual for mums/wives to be social secretaries isn't it. I know lots of men (not dh, he does his own cards) who expect their wives to write their Christmas cards for their relatives so I'm sure they wouldn't send texts about playdates!

Well they should send texts about playdates.

He just doesn't MrsFlannel. It's long, complicated and pretty boring. I am in charge of arrangements in our house, it's just the way things are.

I accept that I hadn't really considered the "knowing who is picking up" aspect - before we moved, it was always me at the school gate making arrangements face to face. This is all new. DH is feeling a bit snubbed by the Mums at the school gate (not this particular Mum) at the moment which is why he won't just ask face to face delicate little flower that he is

Anyway, text sent, with reference to DH picking up.

I have met the Mum once and she seems lovely, as does the daughter, so hopefully there will be no issues.

It does remind me that I need to find some way to get to know more of the Mums - even just so they get to know us all better and know the set up.

I'm not going to get into the whole "why doesn't he text" thing. But if he's someone anxious about socialising with the other mums, this is his perfect chance. He now has A Reason to go over. After it has been arranged, he pops across in the playground and checks if there are any dietary requirement, etc. Ice broken.

DS has a best friend (age 6) they often play at eachother's houses. Friend's parents both work, so sometimes his Mum is at home, sometimes his Dad. They always tell me which one it will be when we arrange a playdate, and I pass this info on to DS. I'm not bothered either way and nor is he, but I guess it's just nice to know. For one thing, the Dad is much more permissive with wild boisterous play than the Mum, so I quite like being able to prepare DS for what sort of playdate it will be, get him in the right frame of mind!!

Even if you are normally in charge of arrangements like this, your husband needs to be involved this time. Apart from anything else, if there are changes to arrangements on the day or the mum texts to say she will be late picking up, do you want to be stuck in the middle of a three-way conversation about this when you are supposed to be at work? While I wouldn't think anything at all of your DH supervising a playdate, I would be more likely to wonder if he was competent to supervise given that he seemingly can't make the arrangements himself?