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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH really needs to HELP ME!

49 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 14/04/2015 22:43

Yet again I'm in tears, screaming and ranting at everyone as I can't get my computer to stay connected to the Internet for more than 5 minutes. Every night I try to login as I have an elearning course I have to complete or I will have to pay a penalty. I have work to do for a team meeting at 9:00 tomorrow and usually I can do that from home. I also have a CV to send off for a job.

Now that DH has set up my machine to connect via Ethernet not wifi, it ought to be 100% stable. I should add at this point that he is a very well paid IT consultant and does actually understand these things!

He works afh and now cannot explain to me why my machine won't connect. I am panicking big time as I have so much to do. Up until a couple of weeks ago all was fine, but now, every night I end up screaming at the damn machine and slamming doors. He just says it was ok for him and when I try to get him to talk me through what I have to do to get it to work, he says I'm just getting angry and he's going to bed, leaving me wailing alone in the house, unable to achieve anything and endlessly frustrated at my total lack of progress.

I am spending so much of my time trying to make it work, instead of getting on with the jobs I have to do (including neglecting the cleaning as I spend hours trying to figure out what's gone wrong since the weekend she. He was on for hours and it worked fine!)

Why is it OK for him to leave me like this? When he's afh I rely on the machine being stable and I just can't understand what I'm doing wrong. He gets annoyed as he just doesn't feel my pain and anguish at the frustration I feel. I do get incredibly stressed as there just isn't any logical reason - that's why I get so angry.

OP posts:
GertrudeBell · 14/04/2015 22:46

I'm sorry, I wouldn't engage with you either if you were screaming and ranting and raving at me.

Either work it out yourself, pay a third party IT person or ask nicely.

AlternativeTentacles · 14/04/2015 22:46

Stop wailing and ask him to come and sort it out?

Hassled · 14/04/2015 22:48

Get someone else in to sort it. If this was a drains issue or a garden issue you would, wouldn't you? I'm also married to someone who works in IT and all I can tell you is pay someone else to do it.

Also breathe a bit.

Auntieveronica · 14/04/2015 22:49

Go work at a friends house instead

Auntieveronica · 14/04/2015 22:50

Pay to get the computer fixed

CocktailQueen · 14/04/2015 22:51

what's afh?

Agree it sounds frustrating but perhaps shouting isn't the best thing to do - tho if your dh is an it person then he should be able to help!

sunbathe · 14/04/2015 22:53

Go into work early tomorrow to do the stuff for your team meeting?

Get someone in to fix your connection problem, as dh can't.

shewept · 14/04/2015 22:53

I have a particular skill set, based around my job. If dh screamed and wailed at me because he couldn't get something to work, that I could. I wouldn't help and would take myself off to bed to.

You can't scream at people and expect them to help.

Hassled · 14/04/2015 22:55

Alternatively, post on the Geeky Stuff topic explaining exactly how and when things go tits up. They're a lovely helpful patient bunch there.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/04/2015 22:55

Are you using mumsnet on your phone then?

shewept · 14/04/2015 22:57

And I will assume you are going to say he is unhelpful before your start screaming and his unhelpfulness causes the screaming. It doesn't. I get you are frustrated, but screaming and shouting is something you are choosing to do. Since its not the first time its happened, he knows what you will do when you can't get it working. He is expecting this so is reluctant to help .

Think you need to chill and have a conversation when you have calmed down, apologise and ask him for help and explain what you want him to do.

maggiso · 14/04/2015 23:00

I feel for you! I'm another one who can get very cross and frustrated (to put it politely) with a machine than behaves illogically!! People I can cope with, just not badly behaved machines. Part of the problem is not knowing how the system works and therefore not really knowing what the trouble is! Dh seems to be far better in tune with the computer/WIFI and seems to know why it is slow- what to close down or whatever.
I think you need to stop for tonight, and try to speak calmly to your DH tomorrow, telling him how essential the connection to the net is to you and ask for his help. It might be a bit of a bus mans holiday for him. It might help to write a note. If he works in the field, perhaps he has a mate who could sort out the problem, if emotions run too high between you.
I have no technical knowledge, but did not want to leave you all annoyed and not reply.

Original poster
MrsRossPoldark · 14/04/2015 23:02

On my iPad! Connects fine but I have no remote access to work from an iPad and I can't do my coursework from here either as all my documents are on the iMac.

As for screaming at him, I'm not! He's working away from home (afh) so we communicate by text at this time of night. It's me and the computer screen I'm screaming at! He doesn't have to put up with my ranting. I don't do it when he's around! He doesn't get that I'm stressed about it - just have a cuppa and go to bed? That just means I don't sleep cos I'm worrying about what tomorrow's reason for not connecting will be. It did connect long enough to get logged on to work and read a couple of emails. Then it just stops! It's so unpredictable.

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 14/04/2015 23:09

Have you tried googling? I just typed in "iMac Ethernet not working" and got thousands of hits.

maddening · 14/04/2015 23:14

Can you not plug the internet straight into your iMac?

SolidGoldBrass · 14/04/2015 23:16

But he's at work. His employers don't pay him to be sorting out his wife's home computing issues, he needs to be getting on with his professional tasks.

Original poster
MrsRossPoldark · 14/04/2015 23:20

Maddening: it's using Ethernet cos our wifi is hopeless at the best of times. That's another reason for frustration.

Solidgoldbrass: he's not working 24 hours a day. I'm using computer now as I work during the day and in the evenings I'm doing childcare etc. He works until 6 but then is available.

OP posts:
passthewineplz · 14/04/2015 23:21

The earth net cable connects the Internet to the computer...

OP - check that the lights where the earth net cable connected to your PC are flashing, and also flashing on your internet box. If not turn the Internet off, wait a few seconds and turn it back on.

If they're flashing Google your internet provider and check how to set up the Internet. For example sky have a check list to check its set up properly, I use sky hub and use wifi and sometimes it goes down and needs reconnecting.

If all is well with your internet setup - go a Google search for iMac earth net not connecting - there's advice on the apple forum for Internet setup. Might be something as simple as disconnecting and connecting the Internet or changing automatic connection to manual

Original poster
MrsRossPoldark · 14/04/2015 23:22

When I say he's working away from home, I mean Mon-Thu so is in hotel during the evenings and can talk to me then.

Anyway, after another wasted evening, Im going to bed to read a paperback (at least I don't need Internet connection to do that). Will have to trust to luck that it magically sorts itself out overnight.

OP posts:
passthewineplz · 14/04/2015 23:23

Who is your internet provider?

PatriciaHolm · 14/04/2015 23:27

Weeeellll it is very hard to figure these things out, often, without seeing them, especially if the person having the issue doesn't really know what is wrong - "It's not working" isn't much to go on from the other end of the phone...

I do sympathise though. Non functioning technology when it SHOULD work fine is very very frustrating.

GraysAnalogy · 14/04/2015 23:45

He might not know?

Sometimes these things can be really tempremental. I wouldn't really want to help my DP if he was wailing and slamming doors to be honest.

If the ethernet isn't working you probably need to ring you internet provider

DisappointedOne · 14/04/2015 23:51

Or, as you'll see if you search Google as I suggested, this is a common problem.

Yambabe · 14/04/2015 23:52

Way more likely to be a problem with your ISP than your equipment.

Have you tried calling them? They can do a test to see if there is an external problem on the phone system somewhere...... if not their helpline should be able to talk you through setting up the connection properly.

As passthewineplz says, who is it?

ouryve · 14/04/2015 23:55

You need to stop screaming. Honestly. If my laptop never maintained a stable connection to the Internet (and it will use wifi or an ethernet cable without too much of a headache) I'd be using the data connection on my phone, or another Internet enabled device, to find out why.

And, if push came to shove and I was strapped for the cash to do those things, I'd be doing my googling at the local library. Working "in IT" does not give you automatic net connection fu.

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