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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my DH really needs to HELP ME!

49 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 14/04/2015 22:43

Yet again I'm in tears, screaming and ranting at everyone as I can't get my computer to stay connected to the Internet for more than 5 minutes. Every night I try to login as I have an elearning course I have to complete or I will have to pay a penalty. I have work to do for a team meeting at 9:00 tomorrow and usually I can do that from home. I also have a CV to send off for a job.

Now that DH has set up my machine to connect via Ethernet not wifi, it ought to be 100% stable. I should add at this point that he is a very well paid IT consultant and does actually understand these things!

He works afh and now cannot explain to me why my machine won't connect. I am panicking big time as I have so much to do. Up until a couple of weeks ago all was fine, but now, every night I end up screaming at the damn machine and slamming doors. He just says it was ok for him and when I try to get him to talk me through what I have to do to get it to work, he says I'm just getting angry and he's going to bed, leaving me wailing alone in the house, unable to achieve anything and endlessly frustrated at my total lack of progress.

I am spending so much of my time trying to make it work, instead of getting on with the jobs I have to do (including neglecting the cleaning as I spend hours trying to figure out what's gone wrong since the weekend she. He was on for hours and it worked fine!)

Why is it OK for him to leave me like this? When he's afh I rely on the machine being stable and I just can't understand what I'm doing wrong. He gets annoyed as he just doesn't feel my pain and anguish at the frustration I feel. I do get incredibly stressed as there just isn't any logical reason - that's why I get so angry.

OP posts:

ouryve · 14/04/2015 23:57

In fact, if my laptop was dropping out all the time, I would, in fact, use my ipad to find out why

shewept · 15/04/2015 00:21

So when you say you are screaming and ranting at everyone, who is everyone?

You obviously are ranting and screaming at him as your OP says he says I'm just getting angry and he's going to bed, leaving me wailing alone in the house, So he knows your angry and you are angry at him for leaving you wailing.

I am not sure what you want your dh to do, he isn't there, he is away so he can't look at it.

PrettyPenguin · 15/04/2015 00:22

Do you have a spare ethernet cable you can try? They can be super temperamental and if one just one of the fibres is damaged then it will cause issues.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/04/2015 00:24

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

passthewineplz · 15/04/2015 00:38

Turning it on and off again is one of the standard questions for IT related issues, so always worth while doing if in doubt

GraysAnalogy · 15/04/2015 01:22

There's also nothing worse than people who don't at least try to sort things out for themselves and instead rely on others.

MidniteScribbler · 15/04/2015 03:55

My very un-tech savvy aunt is like this. She rings me 'It's not working'. Well ok, what would you like me to do about it from the other side of the country?

Call your ISP provider, or get someone out to look at it. There's only so much that can be done remotely. And someone ranting and raving isn't going to be helping the issue very much, you're too frustrated to be of any use over the phone.

notquiteruralbliss · 15/04/2015 06:52

TBH it depends on whether your DH did the setup / has configured things strangely. If he hasn't (as others said) just call the ISP. My OH likes to do all the config and to put obscure security software on our PCs that makes them run slow. I therefore expect him to fix any issues as they come up. If he didn't I would call an expert in and pay them out of our joint account or buy new kit and not allow him to configure it.

Fairylea · 15/04/2015 07:00

I would ring your Internet provider yourself and get them to check your connection. If you have been able to check your emails but then it drops off that to me signals that is not an issue with your mac etc but with your Internet signal - which is the providers area. How old is the cable? If it's very old or worn that might be another issue. You can get wireless connectors that plug into the pc very cheaply from eBay (about £15) that might be worth a try.

sandgrown · 15/04/2015 07:04

If you had been working and doing all the childcare and having got them to bed had to work again and had a deadline to meet would you not feel a bit stressed? If your equipment then fails to work it can be the last straw ! I feel for you OP . I used to be married to a builder but often had to get someone else to do jobs at our house. I would maybe ask an IT savvy work colleague or pay someone. Good Luck x

ratspeaker · 15/04/2015 07:07

Try and think what the problem is.

First of all are other machines connecting ok and holding the connection?
If not its your router or a fault with the service.

If the other machines are staying connected it sounds like a fault with your pc
If you are connected by ethernet cable that should rule out wireless connectivity problems

Are you staying connected on that pc when you are on other sites?
If you are it may be a problem with the site, some like my bank have a log out time if no "movement" in a certain time

I know its frustrating but crying and screaming won't help.

When he's back and you are calm get him to go over it all with you.
Or write down a step by step guide

Royalsighness · 15/04/2015 07:09

You sound pleasant.

liveloveluggage · 15/04/2015 07:10

You might want to talk to someone at work about the elearning course and explain your problems with connecting, they might be able to give you extra time to complete it or something.

Elisheva · 15/04/2015 07:16

Wow, I think previous posters are being really mean to you!
Our laptop is slow and temperamental, DH nods sympathetically but we can't really afford to upgrade at the moment. He then gets out his super fast work laptop.
It drives me up the wall, especially when I'm trying to help dcs with homework - they sometimes have to do Sumdog and our laptop just can't handle it. Because DH doesn't have to cope with it he doesn't feel the frustration. You have my full sympathy

londonrach · 15/04/2015 07:17

Stop screaming. Call your internet provider and get them to sort it. Your dh might not know. If you with bt good luck your internet wont work unless you phone them, talk to them for 10 mins whilst they try different things. They then send you another modem as the one you using wont be working.

Are all the lights on your modem on? Just call your provider, its their job to get you online if ts not working!

viva100 · 15/04/2015 08:45

Call the Internet provider to get someone to fix it. There really isn't much anyone on the other end of the phone can do. And use the mobile data on your phone (set the phone as a hotspot and connect your laptop to it) so you can do your work.

cashewnutty · 15/04/2015 08:52

My DH is an IT geek but he cannot always explain why our wifi isn't working or fix it. He says sometimes the problem is out with his control (have no IT skills so can't expand further).

How you expect him to fix it when he isn't even at home is beyond me. I know it is frustrating but there is no point screaming and raging.

When he is home ask him to see if he can look at what might be wrong. My DH is always buying cables etc to try and improve the connection.

Original poster

MrsRossPoldark · 15/04/2015 14:41

Some of your posts made me chuckle!

Before kids I was an IT systems tester & it was my job to 'test to destruction'! I was quite good at it & it feels at times as if it's following me! I think that's part of what makes it so frustrating!

Yes I often do find that 'off & on again' fixes things; so does restarting the router; restarting the browser; shutting down & coming back later; etc.

DH knows I often lose my temper over IT issues as it feels like I just can't get on with my life with a system that looks to both of us like it really really should work! He is quite calm about it & takes things step by step, where I get impatient & just want the f'g thing to do what it's supposed to.

It doesn't help that I'm usually on it late at night when I'm already tired & fed up. The fact that all my kids' machines seem to work fine doesn't help. I can't use theirs as the computers live in DSs rooms and all my stuff is on my computer so I can't use someone else's. I tried last night to send some of my stuff to an old work PC but then the Internet/Ethernet 'broke' so I couldnt.

Ah well - deep breath & try again tonight!

OP posts:

ratspeaker · 16/04/2015 19:34

Is the ethernet cable fairly new? Could it have a loose wire?
Do you have a house bunny or pet rats that may have chewed it , my ethernet cables now run at ceiling height due to pet activity.

StoorieHoose · 16/04/2015 20:04

If the kids machines are fine and use Ethernet, use one of their cables. If you were a tester before you know you need to eliminate possible errors one at a time

GlitterTwinkleToes · 16/04/2015 20:11

If its still disconnecting could you use your phone as a tethering hotspot? I assume your laptop has WiFi?

Coyoacan · 16/04/2015 20:37

Doesn't your internet provider have a helpline?

ratspeaker · 16/04/2015 22:27

ISP helpline won't be of much use if the fault is with the PC or Ethernet cable. Which it sounds like if the kids are getting online OK.
It doesn't sound like the ops PC has WiFi if she's having to use an Ethernet cable.
We have Ethernet cable s running through the house as WiFi doesn't get through the thick walls to my sons room and he's a gamer so needs fast WiFi, therefore a cable straight into router running to his pc solves the lack of WiFi signal. Bit unsightly mind you.
We have had problems with pets chewing the wires
My ISP were pretty useless today when I phoned up to complain about the internet dropping and I KNOW its an external fault, which they have not long acknowledged.

Ozne · 16/04/2015 22:56

I've had troubles with iMac dropping net connection, though only wifi. Fixed by connecting with Ethernet cable instead.

I recommend a search online stating which Mac OS you are using, as some of them, even the newer ones, have some very annoying net connection glitches. Maybe set aside some time when you're not knackered and frustrated?

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