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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my DH is a facetious little brat?

46 replies

EthelDurant123 · 14/04/2015 19:49

Dd is 8. Her father is good cop, I am bad cop, but both of us hate poor manners and awful attitude. My daughter went to school a well behaved loving child this morning after two weeks of holidays and came home a bad mannered, shaky headed facetious brat. She answered back, she pointed out everything she found objectionable about me, she didn't say thank you to her dad when he cooked us dinner, orvwhen I gave her pudding, she watched TV and ignored me when I tried getting her to put her pj's on, then lied when she claimed she didn't hear me. (I was sat next to her). Her dad is out atm, but he would ignore her behaviour if he was here. His attitude is not to give the bad behaviour an arena. I agree, but totally lost it when she lied and yelled at her to get her act together. She hates me when I yell and started to cry. I'm assuming some of her peers at school think it's cool to behave like an ungrateful moo but I won't have it under my roof. Am I too hard on her? Give it to me straight.

OP posts:

Original poster

EthelDurant123 · 14/04/2015 19:51

Title is meant to read DD #autocorrect

OP posts:

ExitStageLeft · 14/04/2015 19:52

Yes, I think you are too hard on her. She's tired after a day at school and a long break.

hesterton · 14/04/2015 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandbrook · 14/04/2015 19:53

Did you ask her what happened today in school to change her mood?

beginnerrunner · 14/04/2015 19:53

What awful wording to describe your daughter.

Personally I'd say she sounds like half of the children I teach. Perfectly normal for her age. Keep calm and give her a break occasionally eh!

shewept · 14/04/2015 19:55

If she is fine during the holidays but 1 x 6.5 hour days at school she is a completely different person. I am inclined to think something is going on at school. I am not a huge fan of some of the kids my dd is friends with but their influence is not so far reaching, it changes who she is.

There is definitely more to this.

shewept · 14/04/2015 19:57

Sorry op I just can't see that seeing some kids acting up at school would change her completely.

DieselSpillages · 14/04/2015 19:58

What's going on for her at school ? Maybe she's acting out after having to hold it in all day. School is very tiring for an 8 year old.

You shouted at her because she lied about hearing you say she should put her pyjamas on ! Yelling at kids is counterproductive, you're just teaching her how to yell. You sound a bit harsh.

wigglesrock · 14/04/2015 19:58

Yes, I think you were too hard on her, everyone has shitty days - adults, children and nobody should take it out on their parents, colleagues, friends, children but we do. I have a 9 and 7 year old, sometimes they're cheeky, bad tempered, eye rollery, I usually tell them to catch themselves on, go upstairs if they can't be polite or I just completely ignore them.

Fairylea · 14/04/2015 19:59

I agree with shewept.

I also think there is a huge leap between telling a child they have behaved quite badly and have upset you and shouting at them so much you made them cry. It sounds like she's very stressed out, I'd try to get to the bottom of that first.

TravellingToad · 14/04/2015 20:04

If this is normal behaviour I wouldn't put up with it. If it's a one off cos she's exhausted I'd try and side step it and early night.

If she is ALWAYS like this after school maybe there is something she isn't telling you. Maybe she isn't having a good time at school

YouBetterWerk · 14/04/2015 20:06

Sorry but I think YABU. You use very adult terms to talk about a child who is no doubt very tired and taking time to get back into her routine, like we all would. Go easy on her.

shewept · 14/04/2015 20:07

The more I think about this the more I think, iyswim. Ds has played up all afternoon and yes I got mad. But after being a parent for 11 years I have learnt telling him off doesn't really do anything. Ds is my youngest and completely ignores being told off. I told him he had upset me and I wasn't happy with his behaviour. That upset him more than being told off. I got a apology within minutes and he has been fine since.

bigbuttons · 14/04/2015 20:09

yes, you were too hard on her. How would you like someone yelling at you?
Fancy telling an 8 year old to get their act together. She's 8 not 18.
Perhaps you might like to find out what's wrong with her before you lay into her.
Treat her with some respect and you might get some back

RupertsGirlGroom · 14/04/2015 20:13

Um....I dont think I ever once thanked my parents for cooking!? Kind of sounds like you want her to humble herself for your own feelings of superiority rather than hear genuine gratitude. Do you make her say thank you for other basic human rights? 'Oh mother! You have heated the house, THANKYOU!'.

ohisay · 14/04/2015 20:13

you're not alone though, I have a six year old who is exactly the same! I put it down to tiredness from school and try my best not to bite the bait!!!!

ahbollocks · 14/04/2015 20:19

You should say thankyou if someone has cooked for you yes.
Thems the rules in my house.
Tbh though she just sounds over tired and grumpy, its normal.
I do not agree with the shouting though, I think most people tune out to it eventually anyway.

AwfulBeryl · 14/04/2015 20:20

She sounds tired and possibly stressed to me. My dts are younger, but are awful after school sometimes.
I think you overreacted, but I dounderstand, most parents lose it a bit at some point, it's difficult not to bite when they're being tired and grouchy.

Yarp · 14/04/2015 20:32

She is eight years old and probably tired, and maybe didn't have such a good day back at school.

I think the way you are approaching it allows you to vent your feelings, but it won't necessarily get you what you want, which is a good relationship.

We all lose it at times, but if it becomes a habit then no-one feels good about it. When it gets like that for me, I read something.

Yarp · 14/04/2015 20:37

I think it's hard when they are at this age because they are articulate, and this can lead us to the mistake of thinking they are more mature than they are. She is not a teenager.

Humour goes a long way when they are winding you up. Not reacting, not raising your voice, and keeping your own stress manageable so they don't get the brunt of it.

ParkingFred · 14/04/2015 20:41

If you're yelling, you've lost control. I think you have been too harsh.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Qwebec · 14/04/2015 20:46

Not a parent yet but I remember my parents being like that with me esp my father. I got really scaired of shouting. As a child it is hard to see when one is overreacting. I never really understood when I what told get a grip. I could not see that my actions where the result of emotions I could deal with.

What helped me the most was when an adult took the time to undestand how I felt and teach me to recognise and understand my feelings, and eventually manage them.
Understanding what is going on helps you and your child

It is a valuable life skill.

MyOneandYoni · 14/04/2015 20:53

Maybe she gets treated with kindness at school, and then al her anxieties come out at home as she knows she will be labelled and yelled at?

evelynj · 14/04/2015 20:57

My Ds was really doing my head in today after his first day back at school. He was disobedient, shouty, rude & lied. I shouted eventually having got fed up listening to him trying to make up reasons why it's taken so long to put shoes on even though I've asked 5 times in the last 10 minutes. My mother raised her voice on the very rare occasion, made us realise she was really serious. There's shouting & then there's SHOUTING!

CaptainFabulous · 14/04/2015 20:57

Just at the notion that thanking someone for cooking = 'humbling herself to OP's superiority".

That's fucking madness; someone cooks you a meal, you say thanks. It's manners, not some form of extremely polite oppression.

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