AIBU or is DH being stupidly overprotective?

[Kizzmitt]

I have sold a few large items on gumtree and ebay lately. We've had a few odd people come to the house to collect things.

I've just sold a bed frame which is getting collected this eve. DH requested I arrange for the guy to collect while he's home. I arranged a little earlier.

When I told DH he said he wished I'd done as he'd asked. I said he was being ridiculous and patrionsing. He said I'd shown a complete lack of respect for ignoring his request.

Who's BU?

He's not unreasonable to ask you but you're definitely not unreasonable to organise it for a time that suits you. You're a gown woman for gods sake. You don't need a big strong man to protect you - if you don't want him to. Childish of him to say it's disrespectful!

I don't think it's unreasonable.

I've heard a few tales of ebay collectors turning up and refusing to pay full price or trying to cadge other things for cheap, personally I'd probably choose to do it at a time when there's other people around.
Although send my dd2 out to discuss price and they'll probably end up paying double. She's a real negotiator!

I'd also wonder if he's offering help for shifting it, which also personally I'd appreciate having had a bad back for a bit I wouldn't be offering myself.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable.

You are presumably an adult and free to make judgments about your personal safety and when/if to answer the door when you are home on your own. Perfectly reasonable.

He may be thinking something like "safety in numbers" or that he ought to be there to help carry out heavy and awkward stuff. Also perfectly reasonable, and not an uncommon way of thinking.

Many years ago now my husband's Grandma had her flat burgled while she was talking to a person who had knocked at the door. It was two con artists working in tandem. One kept the person talking or distracted at the door while the other slipped in at the window (it was a ground floor flat) and rifled through handbags, purses, anything of any value etc. She wasn't injured or physically attacked, but she was very shaken up about it when she realised what had happened.

We all make judgment calls every time we have to answer the doorbell. Often it is just the postman with a package or something to sign for, an Amazon delivery etc. 99 times out of 100 I am sure there will be no problem.

Problems do occur though, and perhaps your husband is of the slightly anxious type who wants to know that you are aware of them (though I am sure you are).

I'd be fine with my husband suggesting this (once) but I'd still ignore it. Unless I was selling illegal guns, or drugs or snuff pornography. In which case I'd probably arrange postage.

How many actual instances?

The OP is an adult. As such, she gets to make decisions about her personal safety.

Of course...doesn't mean that her dh is "stupidly over protective/ridiculous/patronising by wanting to be there, just in case.

(Anyone remember the thread where someone called to say he has washed op's windows [he hadn't] & forced payment out of her?)

Eh? Why didn't you say in the first place that this was the only time buyer could make? That's entirely different.

And to be fair, your DH sounds like he's entirely reasonable. He made a request of you, you couldn't/didn't meet it and he expressed disappointment. Regardless of gender, a partner is totally entitled to express disappointment at their request not being considered.

Eh? Why didn't you say in the first place that this was the only time buyer could make? That's entirely different.

Perhaps because it didn't occur to her that posters would assume that she deliberately arranged it to 'defy' her husband, as many here seem to have done.

My DH is like this and I find it maddening. I was brought up to be very independent.

I think it's totally reasonable to have a strong interest in your partner's safety. There are lots of things that I'd be totally against my DH doing (riding a motorbike, taking certain drugs, going to a dangerous area etc.) and if I asked him not to and he went ahead and did it anyway without any regard for my wishes I'd be pissed off.

It's not like DH explicitly banned you from doing it just said he'd prefer it that you didn't and was disappointed that you arranged the pick up when he wasn't there. Fair enough maybe he'll be anxious all day now. If there's no way round it fair enough but I don't think he's being unreasonable.

His request was reasonable.

But its not disrespectful to ignore it (for whatever reason). You don't have to adhere to it.

YABU - there was a case recently in the US that is so horrific I don't want to write about it because I don't want to upset anyone - but if you Google Colorado, Craig's List and Pregnant Woman you will find it.

The police in CO have now opened up their offices so people can meet there when they are selling stuff via Craig's List etc.

I get that you are in the UK - but your safety should not be taken lightly - there are some complete nut jobs out there and you just never know.

Be safe

OP

you didn't say it was the only time the buyer could make it - you said that your DH asked you to make it a time he was in and you made it earlier.

It sounded like you had done that deliberately to spite your DH

that's dripfeeding.

Your DH had your best interests at heart - when people come roudn to the house that you don't knopw, i think it's always best to have another person around just in case. I'm pretty sure most people are fine, but some can make you feel uneasy, and having someone there means that you feel a bit less weirded out.

Teen - our garage is en bloc, i wouldn't meet someone there away from my house and in an area that's not overlooked by anyone else.

OP what was odd about the odd people? Presumably they just took their stuff and went, just like non-odd people would do. So far, no problems. Who what exactly do you think will happen when someone comes to pick up a bed frame?

How do people think lone parents and single people deal with life if they have to wait for a 'man' to be there for any transactions to happen? Bloody bizarre.

How do people think lone parents and single people deal with life if they have to wait for a 'man' to be there for any transactions to happen? Bloody bizarre.

People aren't saying that she should have done what her dh said, just that he isn't "stupidly over protective/ridiculous/patronising" by wanting to be there, that's all.

OP is a grown woman, she can do what she likes.

Imagine if op said

"I have sold a few large items on gumtree and ebay lately. We've had a few odd people come to the house to collect things. I've just sold a bed frame which is getting collected this eve. I asked dh to be here when it is collected, because the person made me feel uneasy, & arranged a time I knew he would be in, but he refuses & acts like my safety isn't important"

He would be vilified! I can't believe a man is being talked about like this because he worries for his wife's safety!

I don't think there is anything wrong with being concerned about your spouses safety, but I do think that there is something wrong with the way the dh has gone about it (from the OP's account at least). Especially the 'complete lack of respect' line, I would be incredibly pissed off if my dh ever tried that line on me, even in the heat of an argument.

His asking to be there wasn't what he did wrong.

It's the fact that he then complained about her being disrespectful for not doing it. He obviously thought he'd issued an order, rather than made an offer to be there.