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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DH being stupidly overprotective?

66 replies

Kizzmitt · 14/04/2015 12:03

I have sold a few large items on gumtree and ebay lately. We've had a few odd people come to the house to collect things.

I've just sold a bed frame which is getting collected this eve. DH requested I arrange for the guy to collect while he's home. I arranged a little earlier.

When I told DH he said he wished I'd done as he'd asked. I said he was being ridiculous and patrionsing. He said I'd shown a complete lack of respect for ignoring his request.

Who's BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kizzmitt · 14/04/2015 12:50

Stupid, immature and ridiculous for arranging collection for the only time my buyer could make it... Gotta love Aibu Grin

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 14/04/2015 12:52

I think you'll be fine as long as you make sure he doesn't have his axe with him before you let him in.

pocketsaviour · 14/04/2015 12:53

Pretty sure that when OP said "odd people" she meant it as in "I've had the odd friend or two say that they blah blah". Or "Yes I've has the odd fish and chips takeaway now and then".

Not "odd" as in "weird".

So if I am correct in that assumption then your DH is being over-protective and his comment about respecting his request was hugely insulting.

If I'm wrong and they were in fact odd as in weird then his reaction is more understandable.

I frequently Gumtree or eBay or Freecycle things and I've never felt the need to have a man with me as backup Hmm

fullsuspension · 14/04/2015 12:53

the phrase "lack of respect" worries me. What is he, your boss?

Sootgremlin · 14/04/2015 12:53

The op's personal safety is up to her, maybe her DH is also worried about his house and property? That's a joint concern, not just up to her.

Inertia · 14/04/2015 12:54

That's a bit of a drip feed then isn't it- if the collector could only make one particular time, then that puts a different spin on it.

Given the option of a time when DH was home and a time when he wasn't , it would probably be best to go for a time when you had someone else around. However, if the buyer could only collect early, then that option is off the table.

SeaGrass · 14/04/2015 12:54

Kizz, you're being perfectly reasonable. Don't think twice about the ickle flowers who think their own adult decisions about their personal safety should be overruled because of what someone else thinks. Because it's all manly and protective, innit.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 14/04/2015 12:55

Well, I'd put it in reverse. Would your husband want you there if he was waiting for this person, just so two people are in the house, making sure that one persons safety is not compromised? Thats not unreasonable, he's obviously just a natural worrier. If he just thinks you're more 'unsafe' because you're a woman, and as the bloke he could deal with such person alone, but you need him there 'just in case', then if course he's being a patronising sod.

Justusemyname · 14/04/2015 12:55

YANBU but your husband is being "stupidly overprotective" either. He's looking out for you, you know because he loves you.

Smoorikins · 14/04/2015 12:55

The op said 'a few odd people', not 'odd people'.

If she just mean't it in the way of 'the odd friend', surely she would have just said 'a few people'.

lucycant · 14/04/2015 12:57

I wouldn't think twice about someone collecting something when I am home alone.

Smoorikins · 14/04/2015 12:59

Seagrass, don't be so patronising.

'ickle flowers'
'manly and protective'

Really? You are doing your argument no favours by speaking about adults in that way.

I don't think there is anything wrong with showing concern for someone's wellbeing.

My mum always wants me to let her know that I've got home safely when I've been visiting.

Does that make her patronising, ridiculous and 'manly and protective', and me an 'ickle flower'?

PtolemysNeedle · 14/04/2015 13:00

I don't think he's being unreasonable. And it's not just about your safety, it's about the safety of your home, which he has as much right to an opinion on as you do.

DoJo · 14/04/2015 13:00

I don't think there was anything wrong with his initial suggestion, but his response when it didn't work out according to his preferences is patronising and pretty OTT.

Smoorikins · 14/04/2015 13:01

lucycant, neither would I. But I wouldn't class any of the people that have come along in that kind of situation as 'odd' - unlike the op.

The husband is showing concern. The op is happy to be on her own.

Neither is unreasonable.

scallopsrgreat · 14/04/2015 13:03

Would he arrange a time when you were there too if he was selling stuff? For the protection of him or your home?

redshoeblueshoe · 14/04/2015 13:06

Kizz that'll teach you not to post in AIBU GrinThe joy of MN - seriously. Does you DH know your allowed to vote Shock My DH also sometimes says stupid things like that Wine

EssexMummy123 · 14/04/2015 13:07

There are a couple of things that spring to mind, moving a bedframe can be awkward / tricky - maybe the OP's OH was thinking it might be better if he was there to help get it out of the house / loaded.

The second is - my mother was recently the subject of a terrible brutal violent assault by a stranger in her own home which isn't even in that bad an area during the day, neighbours didn't hear - sadly it can and does happen - it's just not always in the papers.

squoosh · 14/04/2015 13:09

So sorry to hear that EssexMummy. Your poor mother. Flowers

pocketsaviour · 14/04/2015 13:12

Smoorikins the phrasing wouldn't seem odd (ha!) to me but I was reading it in a Yorkshire accent.

NataliaBaker · 14/04/2015 13:12

She's being ridiculous for making such a big deal out of a bit of concern about her safety.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 14/04/2015 13:16

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable

JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 14/04/2015 13:36

I don't like people coming to the door at all so I would only arrange it for when my husband would be there so he could deal with it but that's me.

As you're confident about it then it's no issue.

Think your husband is just being protective not because he thinks you're incapable but because he cares Smile

adora1985 · 14/04/2015 13:40

I don't think he's being unreasonable/over protective at all. You have a history of having strange buyers, and it's likely to happen again. I don't think you can be too careful about having strangers come to your house, there are lots of stories of people collecting items and then harming the seller.

Icimoi · 14/04/2015 13:43

It's nice weather (or at least I hope it is with you, OP). Can you get the frame taken outside so that the person collecting can pick it up from there?

I think in saying OP is disrespecting him her husband is way over the top.