Child Being Yelled At - WWYD

[MamainMilan]

We were at a tiny funfair in a park, pretty busy. As we were waiting for DC to get on ride, a man next to me suddenly started yelling at his son who was around 6 or 7, and not doing anything wrong as far as I could tell, just waiting in line.

Anyway, dad suddenly shouted loudly, 'fucking get here now, or I'll knock your fucking teeth down your fucking throat.' Little boy does as he's told, looking resigned and scared.

At that point, DC were being ushered onto ride and I had to go through gate to stand on the other side of the barrier and sit with them through the ride. I spent the ride time trying to decide what to do (DH was elsewhere with another DC).

When ride was finished, I looked around for the family, but couldn't see them. I think I wanted the chance to just say quietly to the boy that he could call the NSPCC or Childline or something if his dad shouted at him too much, but no idea how I could have done that.

I'm still upset by the thought that I did nothing, I had to follow DC into ride area (they had gone ahead of me). I'm still turning it over in my mind, what should I do this situation? The boy hadn't been hit, but he was being threatened in an aggressive way. The other people around visibly looked away, no one challenged the dad. But then essentially, he'd just shouted at his son. He might well have said 'I was only joking' if anyone pulled him up on it.

I know parents shout, but this was a threat of violence, and it aimed at a very little boy. Is it any different to 'stop it or i'll smack you? (not something I'd say myself, but it happens)' but cranked up several notches?

Is it right to intervene or just accept that it's a shit way of parenting, but not breaking any laws?

AIBU to feel as though I missed the chance to help the little boy? If I hadn't had to run after DC, I'm still not sure what I would have done, but I would have done something. Should I have called the police, even if just to scare the dad and curb him being such a bully? But by the time I could, the family seemed to have left.

What would you have done?

I wouldn't do anything. There isn't really that much to do. Plenty of people do things which harm their children - don't give them vaccinations, feed them unhealthy food, don't buy them books, let them join gangs. I just let it go and focus on my own loved ones.

Do what I have done, but you need to be quick and firm and sod the consequences.

I said "do not speak to a child like that. Do not speak like that in front of other children."

Do so in a quiet measured tone.

When they go batshit repeat and add "you are an adult, behave like an adult, do not speak like the around children"

I've asked an angry parent in a similar situation 'Are you ok? Do you need some help?' and they were surprised and grateful. Things may not have gone this way of course, I was lucky. But I felt the kid needed to know that other adults would intervene. That's not to make you feel bad btw, it's always tricky judging these scenarios.

It's always sad when you witness something like this. I even feel sad that I clicked on the thread.

Nothing can be done about it now and I dare say you would have got a mouthful of abuse yourself if you dared challenge him.

I've heard this sort of thing a lot and it is a shame. The real tragedy is when I've heard it, there's been underlying concern and love for the child - it's as if some people don't know how to say 'please come over here.'

This is difficult because to be honest I'd also be weighing up in my mind of an embarrassed parent would be more likely to drag child off/blame them/follow through threat. I'd also worry about placing my child in a situation where I'd be in conflict with another adult, but I'd be really wanting to act for the child.

I probably would have stood there and death stared the parent whilst making some kind of comment to my ds. If it had got too much though (and I cant quantify how much is too much) I would say something.

*if an embarrassed parent

I had a similar experience yesterday... we're on holiday and we were snorkelling. Just after you got in there was a ledge where you could stop to readjust mask/snorkle. DS was a bit freaked by the salt water (he has ASD/SPD and it was stinging his skin), so I was trying to calm him and encourage him forwards or take the decision to abandon the plan. There were several children needing assistance from a parent with readjusting their mask etc. But there was another little boy who was obviously completely freaked by the idea of being in with fish etc. He could have gone the few metres back and got out, but no, dad is literally hissing at him all manner of obscenities and threats presumably to make the boy move. I didn't know what to do - and took the decision I had to focus on DS and move him away as quickly as possible, as the language and level of threat was scary and I was already concerned if I couldn't divert DS he was heading towards and ASD meltdown. Once I got him out I looked back to try and identify the dad/boy but couldn't see them. Haven't been able to stop thinking of it since... a supposedly wonderful experience, and that poor boy is just going to remember his dad telling him to "get your f'ing arse out there or I will hit it so hard" etc etc... horrid :( I don't really know what I, or you, could have done differently though.

It's a horrible situation to be in, and I don't know how I would have dealt with it.

My neighbour went through a period of screaming obscenities at her kids every morning. I called the NSPCC and made an anonymous report to social services via them. But that, I guess, was very different, because although all I had was the kids' first names and their address, that will have been enough to go on

I suppose with hindsight all you can do is hope that someone close (or close-ish) to the boy takes some action on his behalf.

I once saw a father hit his daughter across the face after shouting at her very aggressively for about 5 minutes.

Both dh and I went over and asked him to calm down and please not hit her again.

He rounded on us screaming that it was his child and it was up to him what he did with her.

Our intervention wasn't making the situation any better and we had our own small children to think of so we left it there.

Still haunts me that.

Something like 'aw mate that's a bit harsh' to the parent? Avoids telling them off, let's the kid know you're on side but probably won't get you clobbered.

I most probably would have done nothing.

Not sure what I'd do in that situation. I suspect we'd all like to think we'd intervene - but would we? Anyone that violent and uninhibited about it in public, is probably a risk to you and your's as well, in that situation.

We have had an ongoing situation hearing our neighbours shrieking very similar things, constantly, both parents, at their 2 toddlers and have now got the NSPCC and SS involved twice - with zero result. So I'm cynical that anything would actually happen to pro-actively help the child in this kind of situation. I have come to the conclusion that I can do nothing to help my neighbours' kids - but I fully intend to prevent any damage to my own, so if I hear any of that in the garden this summer, I will shout at them to shut up as my kids can hear it, and they may not give a toss about their kids but I do about mine. I suspect that will be enough to shut them up.

As bleak as it sounds, I have to confess to a degree of relief at the replies so far - thank you. I was worried that I'm missed something really obvious and failed to do something that everyone else would have known to do.

The suggestions on what to say are really helpful - and yes, I think a rapid response would be right.

pukkapine that poor little boy. It's horrible to see something unfolding like that.

Hopefully these kids have a home life that's better than the one imagined from the snapshot we see.

I would have done as you did honestly.

Last year we went to a zoo. Dd was just over a year and a full on runner. I saw a man scream at his children then watched as he spat in the face of his wife (presumptuous - a woman with him and the children). He was sweating with rage and she just turned benignly with spittle dripping from her face as though they had been debating buying pencils from the gift shop.

I was so shocked and then horrified by my inaction that it took me days to admit to my DH what I had seen.

Joffrey, that's really sad I don't know what happened with my neighbour (we went away for the weekend shortly after I reported it) but it did seem to calm down a little afterwards. She still shouts, but it's no way near as bad as it was.

Some friends of mine had to call SS on their neighbours too. That did result in a visit and my friends got their car scratched quite obviously by the neighbours. I think things did calm down a bit though.

It breaks my heart that so many people are so awful to their kids. I know it's not always intentional, people can be struggling and not have enough support etc, but still. It is horrible.

How anonymously CAN you report?

I am reluctant to do so but I know a child in our very small village whose mother I have seen scream obscenities at and also slap around face on more than one occasion.

I want to do/say something but am aware there would be real repercussions if they knew who had expressed concern.

Sorry. My post isn't clear. Dd was running like a crazy beast so I was initially catching snippets of what i thoughts was a family dispute. I even thought about approaching the man and saying "don't away the small stuff. Let it go whatever has happened" but dd raced off.

Then I was watching a child weeping cradling an obviously sore arm and a woman being spat at. While about 150 adults stood around doing nothing including me

Passme that's awful. God knows what goes on behind closed doors if he acted like that in public. I understand about being frozen to the spot when you see something horrible. I really want to feel equipped to do something next time, if I can.

iHavetoget Please report. Others will have better advice on how to as I have never had to do it, but I'm sure you can do so anonymously. The mother could need help, and the child definitely needs someone to step in if that sort of thing is happening.

Oh god, how awful. I don't know what I'd do. Depending on where we were/my mood on that day, it could range from keeping my eyes averted to saying something along the lines of TSSDNCOP.

I really like to think I'd say something, but I would be afraid of being turned on as in WalterWall's experience,and of course the added risk of them taking it out on the child even more: "See what you've done now??" kind of thing.

Unfortunately, some people are just scum.

I have stepped in before - different situation - a random woman dragging (literally) a boy of around 3 along a kerb on a busy road, screaming abuse at him - he was terrified, and clonking him around the head with each step. I pulled up my car and asked if I could help? and smiled at her kindly (we have all been pushed to our limits) but she screamed at me to 'F off' and 'mind my f'ing business' etc. I said it was my business if her child ended up under a car. She went absolutely nuclear. I had to move my car forward (in traffic and being beeped). I should have called the Police and to my shame I didn't as I didn't feel I could describe them / location very well.

This other child is local. Very. I see them every day. Not always bad, but often enough I know it is not a '1 off' loss of temper on part of mother.
I think I have to say something.

I have spoken up when I hear people swearing in front of children ie soft play, kids films at the cinema etc and I might have approached it from that angle.

I usually just say "Language!" in the same tone as you would tell a dog to get down. I have never had any one argue back but I do have a somewhat scary demeanour. Most apologise, other slope off. In this case, without any other leads to pass on to any authorities who could protect the boy, I think that's all you can do :(

iHAVEtogetoutofhere, I have reported to NSPCC and they were very helpful and assured me that I could remain anonymous. It was about a child who lives locally and I now see that SS were involved and his family seems to be getting better support and monitoring. I dreaded making the call but couldn't stand by any longer while he was out at all hours and smoking (at 9!).