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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder how.much stuff I'm expected to buy for my bridesmaids?

35 replies

thelaststripe · 12/04/2015 20:28

Ive bought my three bridesmaids their dresses and shoes and I've booked the hair and make up girl for them. Do I also have to give them thank you gifts and if so, what do people give?

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 12/04/2015 20:32

A necklace is what I gave mine both times and will next time! Grin

I didn't think about this, but one friend gave them the necklaces in the morning, they wore them on the day, then her DH presented the empty boxes along with the thank yous. The BM did know they were going to be empty boxes though.

AdeleDazeem · 12/04/2015 20:33

A lot of people give a piece of jewellery. I gave MOH and BM (best man not bridesmaid) a necklace/pair of earrings set and a watch/cufflinks set. It's certainly nice to do if you can but I don't think you should have to.
Paying for their dresses and other wedding expenses is more important.

shewept · 12/04/2015 20:34

Usually people also give thank you gifts, in my experience. The most common being a necklace or pair of earrings etc. Maybe even just some flowers. Seems a bit bizarre to do it to me, especially if they haven't really done anything in the lead up to the wedding to help out.

You don't have to, but most people do.

trilbydoll · 12/04/2015 20:34

I agree, jewellery for the day is an easy present. Girl's version of cufflinks for the ushers!

I also bought mine photo frames, as a token gesture to give out during the speeches.

guest2013 · 12/04/2015 20:34

There's no right or wrong in my opinion. Presumably your bridesmaids are your closest friends, you'll know what they will appreciate. I would say if you're paying for their hair and makeup then that would be enough.
I've bought mine just the dresses and thank you gifts of earrings, perfume and a few other bits and pieces.

NeedABumChange · 12/04/2015 20:36

Necklace is normal, something they can wear on the day.

NeedABumChange · 12/04/2015 20:37

Also the groom normally gives them flowers or a bottle during the speeches when they give the mums stuff too. This isn't always done but has been at all fancy weddings I've been to so depends on your day.

honeyroar · 12/04/2015 20:39

The dresses, shoes and hair should be paid for. Make up if you want (although I hated my make up when I was a bridesmaid). It was tradition to give gifts, but a few weddings I've been to lately didn't. I think it's a bit silly really and not necessary.

Original poster
thelaststripe · 12/04/2015 20:40

Ah ok, a nice necklace to wear on the day sounds like a good plan, and the maid of honour can have something extra as she's been amazing

OP posts:
JemimaPuddlePop · 12/04/2015 20:44

I had three bridesmaids and paid for their dresses and hair, bag, and bought them necklace and earring sets which they wore on the day, which was also their gift.

They paid for their own dress alterations (dresses from China so they needed tweaking) , shoes (only limitation was silver coloured but they chose their own styles so they could wear again) and their own make up/nails (two wanted to do their own, one professionally.
Two of my BM also chose to buy the matching bolero for their dress, which was up to them.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 12/04/2015 20:49

I gave my bridesmaid a teddy bear shaped silver money box, but she was only 10 months. My maid of honour never wears jewellery so I gave her a forever friends bear as I knew she would love it. We gave the best man cufflinks and a framed picture of him and his girlfriend at the wedding as an after the event thank you as he helped a lot on the day.
As a bridesmaid I was given a manicure kit... I would have preferred a necklace or bracelet to be honest.

LegoLady95 · 12/04/2015 20:49

I bought mine dresses, shoes and earrings. Didn't need necklaces due to neckline of dresses. I bought them all an engraved trinket box, with a personal message on each from me. They went down well - my sister cried! Cost me less than £10 each including velvet pouch, delivery and engraving.

Osmiornica · 12/04/2015 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Passmethecrisps · 12/04/2015 21:15

I bought mine their dresses which were chosen so they could wear again and they had their hair done. I have them free rein on jewellery so they got their own and they chose to buy their own shoes despite both buyingn there same pair Grin

I bought them a wee silly token gift (a wee ladybird broach) and a bracelet. I gave them both the day before but they did not have to wear them. One bridesmaid wore her bracelet on the day and the other didn't

londonrach · 12/04/2015 21:21

I bought mine a watch and bracelet and a thank you card. She also was welcome to the dress, which was her choice a two piece so she could use it separately for going out. I also had a little bridesmaid and told my aunt to get her a pretty dress and gave her a bag full of stickers, colouring book and pencils. Think i also put a child related bridesmaid book in the bag.

londonrach · 12/04/2015 21:23

Think it was a bracelet and necklase set from memory..

Mintyy · 12/04/2015 21:26

I didn't have any bridesmaids when I got married but if I'd had that kind of wedding I think I would have sent a huge bouquet of flowers a few days later to say thank you.

I really don't think you can count the dresses, shoes, hair and makeup (if you insist on those all being under your control) as gifts or perks.

MsVestibule · 12/04/2015 21:31

I've been a bridesmaid twice and both times had to pay to hire/buy my dress, shoes and have my hair done. So I'd be cock-a-bloody-hoop if the bride had paid for all of that AND given me a gift!

Magmatic80 · 12/04/2015 21:36

I've had dress paid for twice and both times paid for own hair and make up but didn't have to have them 'done'. 1st time could wear own shoes/buy whatever I wanted within colour palette. 2nd time shoes were chosen by bride but had to pay for them and for dye job myself.

itosh · 12/04/2015 21:38

oh don't go overboard! Mumsnet expect you to get everything it seems..

Pigriver · 12/04/2015 22:28

I made up gift bags to give the bridesmaids on the morning. They included a handbag, hair accessory and necklace to wear on the day plus a small box of chocs and a mini personalised mirror. It looked impressive but each bit was either cheap or needed for the wedding. We didn't do gift giving during speeches as these always make me cringe as a guest.
I also bought dress and shoes and paid for hair. It adds up but I only had 2 and tried to be sensible about costs.

emwithme · 12/04/2015 22:52

I had one big and one little bridesmaid. Big bridesmaid got a handbag she'd been lusting after. Little bridesmaid got a necklace (which she wore last week making her first communion (cue sniffles from me!)).

Friends who did readings/sang got a mug saying "I'd rather be doing XXX" (where XXX was something they'd rather be doing).

ZenNudist · 12/04/2015 23:04

You can go with flowers. Perhaps choose lovely floral displays that the BM can take home after?

I got a lovely bracelet off my bf that I still use now. It wasn't cheap. Same girl did not get a good pressie of me at my wedding just cos I didn't think of it!!

SockQueen · 12/04/2015 23:13

I was seemingly quite a stingy bride and feel retrospectively bad for this!

They bought their dresses (I was willing to pay but two of them insisted and my parents paid for my sister's as she was still a student), wore their own shoes and did their own hair and make-up. I bought necklaces and bracelets for them, and gave them to them in the morning so they could wear them for the day. They also had bouquets which they kept. We paid for their accommodation for the night before and the night of the wedding. I hope that none of them minded buying their dresses!

I was a bridesmaid yesterday and had my dress bought for me, hair done, jewellery as presents in the morning and accommodation for the night of the wedding paid for. We bought the shoes and did our own make-up. I would have happily paid for the dress, but the bride (who was one of my BMs) wouldn't have it.

Both times we just got a "thank you" in the speeches, no actual gifts.

avocadotoast · 12/04/2015 23:25

I paid for dresses for mine but they got their own shoes. Sorted their own hair and makeup.

I got each of them a little box that I filled with some goodies - nothing massive, but some bits from Lush, drinks etc. Can't remember if I got them anything else. I think I did pay for my sister to stay over in the hotel with me the night before though.