AIBU to think MIL has gone crazy, or is something wrong?

[pleasebenice]

Hi all, hope everyone is good

So basically, took 13wo DD to see MIL yesterday. Me and DH went out to get some lunch from a cafe, was gone maybe 10 mins and left DD with MIL. Came back and DD was crying, no, not crying, screaming. Rushed over and picked her up. MIL comes in and says 'shes been doing that since you left, there's no tears, its just an attention cry' then proceeded to take DD off me and put her back down again. I know my daughters attention cry, that was it. I moved MIL out of the way and picked DD up again. First off, if it had been her attention cry, I'd of still of picked her up, but she's only screamed like that a few times, once at her injections (gah, got that again tomorrow:( ) and when her tooth is hurting her.

I told MIL that just because there was no tears, doesn't mean she's crying for attention. She doesn't cry (as in, there's no tears running down her face) she gets tears in her eyes, but they've never fallen. MIL them told me that i must be doing something wrong as she hasn't had tears running down her face yet..

If she hasn't had tears yet, surely i must be doing something right, right?

Like I said, she gets tears in her eyes, so I know she can produce them. Is MIL being crazy, or is there something wrong? (btw, i honestly don't think there is, she's a content little baba who just doesn't cry) It'll break my heart first time she does though

Thank you for reading!

Saying it's a generational thing can actually be quite offensive.

Well yes. Absolutely agree. I'm 61 and have never left a baby to cry. Neither would my own dm who, if alive would be in her 90s now. My MIL was similar. We all believe(d) that babies cry because they need attention. It's how they communicate and the very idea that they can be "spoiled" if picked up and cuddled is anathema to us. My former MIL on the other hand, did spout nonsense like this.

So I'd carry on as your instinct tells you. Your baby cries because she needs you. Picking her up gives her the security that she needs and a secure baby is a happy baby. Leaving her to cry because of some bonkers ideas about manipulation is just wrong and I've never seen what possible good can come from allowing a baby to become hysterically distressed.

I'm early 60s and never left my babies crying, nor did my DM who would be 90 plus now.

My DD left her DCs to cry for less than 5 mins at bedtime and I used to struggle with that - but she was right to do it.

Can we please stop saying it's a generationl thing . It really isn't.

Agree that it's definitely not a 'generational thing'. Baby rearing advice changes over time, as new advances are made, I'm in my 60s, and never left my DC to 'cry it out'...
On the other hand, they always went outside in their prams (I could see and hear them) to 'get fresh air' every day - and they were always put to sleep on their fronts (so that if they were sick the vomit would 'drain away and not choke them'). They were also weaned at 4 months -- because those were all up-to-date baby health tips of the time... None of which I would expect to follow with my DGC now

My MIL believes this rubbish. She thinks that the baby is only pretending/not properly upset if there are no tears. I told her it was nonsense.

Please, please don't ever leave your LO to cry, ignore your MiL.

In terms of tears, I've never cried tears, my eyes don't water enough. It doesn't mean that if I cried, I was attention seeking! My gran used to say similar to my mum, that it wasn't real crying because there weren't any tears. Luckily my mum knew me best, just like you know your baby.

FFS my grandmother (God rest her) would be 126 if she were alive and she would never have left a baby to cry!! Neither did my mother (92), nor would I (age redacted!)!!

I think it's about how she was parented (i.e. look at HER mother) and how she parented your DH. Did she leave HIM to cry?

I wouldn't leave baby with her again and I'd damn sure tell her why!

A slight side point, but it is lovely to see so many people saying here that they didn't leave their DC to cry, and were never left to cry themselves. My DM was a complete dragon about this, and made me feel I was wrong and mad to want to comfort my DDs when they were tiny. It is nice to know that it wasn't just a fashion thing, and my instincts to comfort were normal. Fortunately DH (much cuddled as a baby, thank you MIL!) completely agreed with me.

I'm really sorry if I offended anyone with agreeing it might be a 'generation' thing. I see now that isn't the case.

The thing that bothered me most was she took DD off me and put her back down, as her mother, i knew something was wrong (it was her teeth that have really been bothering her lately)

I will talk to her and tell her that she was wrong to do that, and if it happens again, i want her picked up and checking to see what's wrong.

Thank you for all your comments, and sorry again.

I remember my mil picking up dd when she was tiny and saying- (imagine a strong Yorkshire accent ) "oh, you can tell she's used to being nursed. That's good, I always nursed my babies"

I'd be about the leaving the baby to cry but furious about my own child being taken off me. What did you say?! Even if my own mom did that I'd be steaming!!

I expect she was worried you wouldnt let her babysit again since the LO was crying. she was trying to belittle the crying.
dont stress about it

My friend's MIL told me the other day that she thought the advice to let babies cry was ridiculous as how could she just ignore a crying baby? This being 50-odd years ago now.