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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really hurt that my best friend didn't remember that it was my 40th?

45 replies

RooTwo · 12/04/2015 07:47

It was my 40th yesterday and I had the most lovely day, but it was tainted by my oldest, best friend not remembering. I only got a text from her at 9.30pm, and that was it - halfway through the text saying, shit, oh it's your 40th isn't it? I'm sorry, I would have rung if I'd remembered, sort of thing.

Am I being unreasonable to feel really hurt and sad about this? We've known each other since we were 3.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 12/04/2015 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceLidl · 12/04/2015 07:54

It can hurt to feel that people we care about have forgotten us, but don't let it spoil what you say was the most lovely day.

She didn't forget intentionally, and as you say you had a lovely day, it sounds like someone else put some effort into making it lovely for you. Don't devalue their effort because of her forgetfulness.

Flossyfloof · 12/04/2015 07:57

I forgot a birthday recently. Had thought about a gift a few days before, knew the date and then didn't realise that the day was when it was, iyswim. I manages to whizz up a present from here at about 7.30 pm. It happened not because I don't care, just because I was really busy. Don't take it to heart.

x2boys · 12/04/2015 07:58

Maybe she has other stuff going on ?people do forget I wouldnt fall out about it tbh just one of those things.

Original poster
RooTwo · 12/04/2015 08:03

She is a very good friend euphemia , we are close, and as I said very old friends, although we don't live in the same city any more so don't see each other so much these days. But in a way that just makes me so surprised and confused that she wouldn't remember that it was my 40th, and ring me. I feel disproportionately sad about it, I think, and I'm not sure why ... it just seems so offhand, to just get a text in the evening, after all the effort and lovely things other friends and family have gone to. She is 7 months pregnant, so perhaps a bit forgetful or something, I don't know.

OP posts:
BearFeet · 12/04/2015 08:06

This wouldn't really bother me at all. People have busy lives and I don't think her forgetting until late means she thinks any less of you.

TurnOverTheTv · 12/04/2015 08:06

I have three very very good friends, 20+ years, and I'd be gutted if they forgot.

Bettercallsaul1 · 12/04/2015 08:10

Does she normally acknowledge your birthday, OP? If she texts, or sends a card every year, then it would seem careless, and a bit hurtful, not to make a point of acknowledging such a milestone birthday. Has she had her fortieth yet? Are you always scrupulous at acknowledging her birthdays? If so, I can understand how you feel.

However, she could be having a hectic time in her own life at the moment and it just slipped her mind. Definitely not worth losing a good friendship over! You day seems to have gone very well otherwise!

Original poster
RooTwo · 12/04/2015 08:10

I know she doesn't think any less of me and loves me very much, but I do, like you TurnovertheTV just feel so gutted. We've known each other for ever, been through so much together. I feel so sad Sad and wonder how she'd feel if I didn't remember her 40th.

OP posts:
Original poster
RooTwo · 12/04/2015 08:16

We always acknowledge each others birthdays, bettercallsaul1, yes ... I just feel that I need to mention it to her, that I've felt hurt by it, not because I'm feeling so terribly sorry for myself or that I want to create problems, but because we're always very honest with each other about things and I think she'd probably appreciate knowing how I feel, actually.

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 12/04/2015 08:16

She may be very bad with dates? I know I forget birthdays all the time.

WinterBabyof89 · 12/04/2015 08:17

I recently forgot one of my close friend's birthdays..
I. Was. Mortified. We text because she's travelling atm, and I was only thinking of her birthday a few days before but I completely missed it until she told me about her afternoon tea birthday celebrations..

It's not that I didn't give a shit, It had just completely slipped my mind!
Understandably upsetting for you OP, but try not to feel too offended as I doubt her forgetting means that she doesn't value you as a friend :)

BohemianRaptor · 12/04/2015 08:28

My oldest friend and I both forgot each other's 41st birthday's last year by several days.
I admit I was a bit annoyed on the day but we both made up for it when we did remember and joke about it now, particularly as I went on to forget hers a few months later. It's not worth falling out over.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 12/04/2015 08:29

I really don't get birthday angst from adults.
Facebook is handy as it reminds you, but sheeeeesh, haven't we got enough going on?

MaudGonneAway · 12/04/2015 08:32

I think you're overreacting, OP - she didn't even actually forget, she remembered and texted you, for heaven's sake. And honestly, in the context of a longterm close friendship, harping on 'landmark birthdays' is juvenile and more than a bit self-regarding. If you know she doesn't love you any less, why bring it up?

LindyHemming · 12/04/2015 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LornMowa · 12/04/2015 08:39

Last year, I forgot my own birthday. It fell on a weekend and it was only around 10am when I happened to glance at the pile of Birthday cards on the side that I remembered! For some people birthdays just aren't that important.

Bowlersarm · 12/04/2015 08:46

YABU

She did remember, just at the end of the day.

You weren't having a 40th celebration which included her-it probably wasn't something she had on her mind.

And now you want to make her feel terrible by letting her know how 'really hurt' you are? I think that's much worse than what she has done. She didn't deliberately set out to hurt you which is what you want to do to her? Nice. Confused

BackOnPlanetEarth · 12/04/2015 08:48

It really genuinely wouldn't bother me either. She didn't do it on purpose and I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted to upset you. If she is a good friend then that's what matters
I have realised from reading Mumsnet that birthdays are a big deal to some adults so I'm sure you wouldn't be alone in feeling dissapointed.

I wouldn't mention it to her unless you think she did it on purpose.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 12/04/2015 08:49

Oh, I missed the bit where she did remember!
Even more U.

dangerrabbit · 12/04/2015 08:53

YABU

She did remember!!

gamerchick · 12/04/2015 08:54

If you still saw her all the time then she would have remembered. If you had done a big party then she would have been invited.

You had a good one anyway, it's fine to feel a bit miffed but let it go.

Original poster
RooTwo · 12/04/2015 08:56

Bowlersarm you clearly didn't read what I posted earlier about not wanting to make a fuss or becuase I think I'm so important or something - and I don't want to hurt her, I made a point of saying that. We just have a very open relationship where we always talk about stuff that bothers us, and I think she would actually appreciate knowing how I feel. There's no need to be unpleasant, thanks.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/04/2015 08:57

Heh I forgot mine once as well... Wasn't until the kids came in with cards and presents did it click and even that took a few seconds Grin

I had just had a baby 5 days before though.

NerrSnerr · 12/04/2015 09:02

However honest your relationship is I still think it's mean to tell her how hurt you are, especially as she didn't actually forget!!

You sound really precious, maybe she had more important things on her mind then another adult's birthday. Adult birthdays are not that important to most.