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AIBU?

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Original poster

This is not OK, right? (disappearing DP)

38 replies

Penguinotterfoxbadger · 11/04/2015 23:33

Ok, so I last saw DP around 1pm this afternoon. He was going to meet a friend and her boyfriend for lunch. I was going to work. I've tried his mobile a couple of times the evening and it's gone straight to answerphone. Assume it's out of battery.

I've just got back home from work and he is not here.. No message. I've left a voice mail, what's app, Gmail message. Nothing.

I've just logged on to his Facebook account (wouldn't usually do this but I don't have the friend's phone number) and messaged his friend (Fb & text) asking (nicely!) if he is with her. No reply as of yet.

I am not worried about his relationship with the friend, or his fidelity generally, and I am not going to LTB over this... He is presumably either seriously hurt (Jesus I hope not) or pissed in a pub with a dead phone.

But I'm within my rights to bloomin pissed off, right? Or am I over reacting?

(a bit of background... We've lived together for around 4 years, are both fine with the other going out apart, but doing so without mentioning it first is very much out of character)

OP posts:
PuntasticUsername · 11/04/2015 23:35

YANBU. I'd be worried too.

irishamy89 · 11/04/2015 23:37

YANBU I would be worried. I hope he's ok!

Joyfulldeathsquad · 11/04/2015 23:38

Yeah I'd be worried too but the fact that you havnt had a message off the friend suggests they are out in thd piss some where

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 23:46

Do people check FaceBook accounts when they are out? Confused

I don't do FaceBook but isn't that a bit like talking to people on the phone while you are supposed to be out with otherpeople? In other words...rude.

I only check my phone about once every 3-4 hours because I grew up when we only had landlines and managed not to panic about not being attached at the hip.

Salmotrutta · 11/04/2015 23:49

Okay, just realised the timeline and its since lunchtime.

Apologies OP.

That is a long time out of contact.

What about other friends? Have you texted any of them? Maybe he bumped into someone else and lost track of time?

Original poster
Penguinotterfoxbadger · 11/04/2015 23:49

I don't know if she's the type to check Fb or not (it has a messenger app that comes up a bit like a text on some people's phones). Her phone no is shown on her Facebook profile but I just tried it and it doesn't connect so I guess it's an old one...

OP posts:
Fxckedmywayuptothetop · 11/04/2015 23:52

Oh god OP I hope he's safe and well! Try not to panic too much, maybe even go to sleep and if he's not back in the morning call the police? Let us know if he's okay!!

BackforGood · 11/04/2015 23:54

I too think it sort of depends on your (and his) expectations.

Like Salmotrutta I grew up in the days before people were surgically attached to their phones. I could quite easily go several hours without checking my phone...sometimes I forget I've put it to charge and accidentally go out without it. Other times I've got it on silent so it won't disturb me. Sometimes it's in my bag or a pocket and I wouldn't hear it. I know a lot of people run out of charge so can't pick up messages - so I wouldn't be concerned if your dp were like me, but I would be more so if he were like some teens I see who seem to be surgically attached to their phones.

Re the not being back from going out with a friend - again, it depends if they are the sort of people to spontaneously go off and do something, or if this is out of character.

daffsandtulips · 12/04/2015 00:00

I also dont really look at my phone, if my partner says he's going out, I think he will be home when and if. Does he have form for this? is there something else going on?

Original poster
Penguinotterfoxbadger · 12/04/2015 00:05

Back for good - he is (much to my chagrin) a surgically attached to his phone type, however I would very much expect by this time that it has run out if battery.

The disappearing off is massively out of character, so I'm swinging between really worried and massively pissed off that he hasn't borrowed someone's phone to call or message me and let me know what's going on me.. Sad

OP posts:
QOD · 12/04/2015 00:14

Gosh it is late but I'm sure bad news travels faster than good.?
You'd have heard from someone if something had happened I bet

Git

YoureAMeanGirl · 12/04/2015 00:21

This is standard for my DP. He is shocking at charging his phone.

What's probably happened is that they decided to go out and he knew you wouldn't be back til quite late, so that's ok but then when he realised he'd be later than he expected but now he can't text you because he's ran out of battery and doesn't have your phone number. As he knows he is ok, he thinks that everything is ok and doesn't think you'll worry.

You should be able to see of she's read the fb message. There are two ways this could be missed. If you message from your account it could go to her others folder and not be seen. She could also not have downloaded the messenger app that Facebook has annoyingly decided you must use on your phone and therefore not get it until she's home.

Sure everything is fine Grin

jaynebxl · 12/04/2015 00:22

I'd be really cross / worried if I were you. Assuming he isn't dead in a ditch or wasting away in A and E I'd be having serious words when he gets home.

Iwasbornin1993 · 12/04/2015 00:31

Hope he is ok OP. If so, I would not be happy one bit with him when he does get home!

primarywannabe · 12/04/2015 00:34

If you're not long back, then he's not really very 'late' yet, is he? He probably assumed he'd be back before you.

Original poster
Penguinotterfoxbadger · 12/04/2015 00:39

Would it be unreasonable for me to message the friend's boyfriend? (have just Facebook stalked him..).

OP posts:
Original poster
Penguinotterfoxbadger · 12/04/2015 00:40

Just heard the front door go...

OP posts:
ChipDip · 12/04/2015 00:42

Hope it's your dp and all is well.

JustHavinABreak · 12/04/2015 00:42

Any word OP? Do you know where they were meeting up today? If it was a pub lunch is there any chance they just stayed there for the rest of the day and are now just passed put in the corner?

Babiecakes11 · 12/04/2015 00:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsbetterthanabox · 12/04/2015 00:48

Hope he's back now op. Do you know where they went for lunch or where the friend lives? Try to relax and not look at your phone too much.

VanitasVanitatum · 12/04/2015 00:53

Was it him??

Original poster
Penguinotterfoxbadger · 12/04/2015 01:04

So I stood on the hallway with my arms folded ready to launch into him but seeing the state he was in it was impossible to do anything but laugh.

Apparently he has been drinking since he left me and has just been sick on public transport on the way home. He feels lower than a microbe and is grateful to the other passengers for not stoning him (some kind bugger even gave him tissues which is making him feel patriotic about the generosity of the British public).

He is now in bed with a bucket and a big glass of water. I may revisit my choice of amused over angry in the morning.

Thank you so much to everyone for being so supportive..

OP posts:
primarywannabe · 12/04/2015 01:10

Ah bless him! I wouldn't be angry, he clearly didn't mean to get so drunk!

My DH once got hammered enough for me to have to put him to bed...when I started getting undressed to join him he freaked out...told me he wasn't allowed to be in bed with a naked woman, he was happily married and his wife would knock me out
I've never worried about him since! Grin

He kept apologising too!

JustHavinABreak · 12/04/2015 01:13

Poor man. He's gonna feel like such a dope in the morning and he's going to have a hangover the size of Texas. Thankfully he's home safe and sound. Hope you get some rest now too x