Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let 5 month old DD cry?

34 replies

Fedupofplaystation · 11/04/2015 19:53

I'm shattered due to DD2 waking hourly for her dummy. Tried dummy tots or leaving loads of dummies in the cot, but she's too little to put it back in herself.
She sleeps in a bed nest attached to my bed to minimise the disruption to my sleep, but it really is taking it's toll. She's still feeding twice a night, which I'm not looking to stop - I'm hoping she'll do that in her own time, but feel I need to take some positive action over the dummy.
So plan is: Do bath, bottle, snuggles and bed as normal but to put her down without the dummy. The trouble is that she will cry and I know that no controlled crying is advised before 6 months old. I do intend to stay with her and rub/pat her back so she knows I'm still close.
Does that sound reasonable, or am I going to scar her for life?

OP posts:
Grewupinafield · 11/04/2015 19:57

You're really not going to scar her for life! It's so hard when you're so tired and they are waking so much. I think I'd do something similar to you, try to wean baby off the dummy if its causing so many problems.

I've been lucky with ds2 because he's actually a dummy refuser, he took one till about 3 months then changed his mind and he's sleeping well, partly because he isn't waking because dummy has fallen out. If I have a third, I won't use dummies at all (or at least try not to). Ds1 however, still has a dummy at 2.3, but mostly only at night.
You're doing a great job and if I was you I'd go with your instincts!!

Cantbelievethisishappening · 11/04/2015 19:58

Oh christ..... just do it. You sound exhausted. I did CC and both mine especially when the dummies used to fall out and they survived Smile There will be a few who will berate you and say NO!!!!! don't do it.
My HV reassured me it would be ok

LittleBairn · 11/04/2015 19:59

I wouldn't do controlled crying but do agree the dummy needs to go if its causing you sleep problems.
Does she only have it at night and nap times?

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 11/04/2015 20:00

Deepest sympathies.

Your plan sounds sensible.

Fwiw cc saved my babies life as I was so tired I crashed my car. We were both ok but it made me realise that my need for sleep as an adult trumped her need to cry.

I did cc with all my 4 between 5 months and 16 months and it worked like magic.

I can assure you they are the most well adjusted and brilliant adults and teens ever.

you have a right to sleep and it's your absolute duty to be functioning enough up keep both of you safe

Good luck op.

Original poster
Fedupofplaystation · 11/04/2015 20:07

Really surprised with the first responses as was expecting to be flamed.
I'm feeling exhausted as have a 'high maintenance' three year old as well although know some people manage for years with bad sleepers and cope with multiple young children, so don't think I can complain.
Wasn't going to leave her alone. I envisage crying while I pat her back, although do worry I'll be replacing one sleep aid with another.
She has the dummy for all naps and bedtime. She's amazing at going to sleep. I put her down awake, with the dummy and she goes straight off. She just doesn't stay that way.

OP posts:
tigersack · 11/04/2015 20:10

You can and should do it!!!

Mistigri · 11/04/2015 20:13

Some babies seem to need to cry a bit to get to sleep. My oldest was like this, she didn't ever go to sleep without crying a few mins until she was a toddler! She also needed absolute calm and zero stimulation, patting or trying to soothe her had the opposite effect to the one intended.

When I had a second baby who just fell asleep when he was tired it was a bit of a shock.

bumbleymummy · 11/04/2015 20:15

I don't think it's controlled crying if you're staying with her, rubbing her back etc so she knows you're there. Hope she settles for you.

Happyyellowcar · 11/04/2015 20:16

Let us know how you get on - am having similar worries with my just turned 5 month DD. She needs it to get to sleep at first but I have stopped rushing to her when she first starts squeaking in the night and she has definitely improved with getting herself back to sleep...until 4am ish when I end up co-sleeping with her so can keep sticking her dummy back in! I tried putting her down without her dummy a few weeks ago and she screamed blue murder til I gave in. I have been encouraging her to suck on a bunny blankie thing instead during the day to try to wean her off it but I know this will probably lead to bunny sucking dependency instead - DS1(5) still sucks his bunny to sleep at night Blush. Some kids are sucky!!

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 20:17

Could you cuddle her to sleep?

(Never understood the "put them down awake" obsession.)

DisappointedOne · 11/04/2015 20:18

DD is 4.5 and still sucks her thumb to sleep.

jendot2 · 11/04/2015 20:18

As a sleep trainer I would not withdraw the dummy. I would look for the cause of your dd waking. If a baby is in a deep sleep and spit out the dummy they will not wake for it. She must be in a light sleep which means something else is causing her to wake.. Then she needs the dummy to get back to sleep!
5 months is a very classic time for 'hunger waking' especially in larger babies as they approach time for weaning. I would seek advise as to whether she might need to start some solids, or offer an extra feed around bedtime or a dream feed before you go to bed. Check sleep position, too hot, too cold, too noisy, are you disturbing her if she is still sleeping in your room.
Withdrawing the dummy without finding the cause of the waking will not solve the problem. She will still be waking and not have her comforter to get back to sleep, causing even more distress for all involved.
Of course once dd is sleeping better, finding other ways of comforting her without the dummy is a great idea. Then you can gradually phase out the dummy.

SingSongSlummy · 11/04/2015 20:22

Sorry to disagree with pp, but DD1 did this at 5 months too, so I binned the dummies. She cried for about 20 minutes the first night, with me in the room, then....... she slept straight through and continued to do so forever after!!! Prior to that, she was waking 5-6 times a night for her dummy!!

mikado1 · 11/04/2015 20:33

Dropped the soother around the same time-best thing I ever did. I stayed there and patted or dud pick up put down depending on how long.It dudid sort sleep problems for me-completely. Slept through shortly after.

Original poster
Fedupofplaystation · 11/04/2015 20:39

OK, we were running late with bedtime routine tonight as have been out today at Sealife centre.
DH and I started usual routine after starting this thread.
DD2 is already fast asleep without the dummy! I'm flabergasted as expected at least an hour of crying. She whinged for just 10 mins and then dropped off.

Not sure how it'll go in the night when she wakes. I usually know it's time for a feed as putting the dummy back in doesn't instantly quieten her. If she wakes and I don't have the dummy it may be difficult to know if she's hungry or just fussing for the dummy.
DissappointedOne I used to love cuddling DD1 to sleep. DD2 seemed to escalate her crys while I was attempting to cuddle her to sleep, but went straight off once I'd put her down.

OP posts:
Morelikeguidelines · 11/04/2015 20:42

pyjamas that must have been so horrible for you. Such a good point to make in general though that you need sleep and it is dangerous to be in charge of small children without.

OP hope it continues to go well.

Footle · 11/04/2015 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetticeKnollys · 11/04/2015 20:57

If you're staying and patting her back it sounds closer to 'shush pat' (which is recommended for babies under 6m IIRC) than CC to me. My sympathies, I had a similar thing with DS waking up without my nipple in his mouth. It just took one night of a no feeding to sleep rule and his sleep improved dramatically.

Happyyellowcar · 11/04/2015 20:58

Wow! Brilliant OP! You are inspiring me! Update us tomorrow please! X

Original poster
Fedupofplaystation · 12/04/2015 10:13

Dream fed DD at 11pm. She then woke at 2.15am and the hour that followed was awful. I patted and shushed and occasionally picked up and cuddled and quickly put back down again as this seemed to make the crying worse. I felt so guilty and selfish for putting her through it rather than just putting up with re inserting the dummy every hour.
She'd fallen back to sleep without the dummy by 3.15am however it was then close to her usual feed time and I panicked that she was hungry, so I fed her.
She then slept soundly until 6.30am and has been her usual smiling self this morning, until it was time for a nap.
She seemed shattered by 7.30am so I put her down like I normally would and shush patted through 10 mins of screaming before she dropped off. Unfortunately she only slept for half an hour and seemed still tired.
DH is currently shush patting her for another nap, after her 10am bottle. It's horrible hearing her scream as she'd usually drop right off with the dummy.
I'm really second guessing myself as to whether we are doing the right thing. Maybe she just needs to suck?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 12/04/2015 10:17

As I said, my 4.5 year old still sucks her thumb to sleep. 5 months seems tiny to try and change the habit.

StarlingMurmuration · 12/04/2015 10:22

Can't you just pull it out once she's gone to sleep? Our DS uses a dummy to fall asleep, then I whip it out. He usually goes for six or eight hours overnight, then wants a feed, then back to sleep. Same for naps, I just pull It out once he's asleep.

19lottie82 · 12/04/2015 10:44

Not really helpful I know, but I'm always astounded as to why people give babies dummies in the first place (sorry Blush).

Icimoi · 12/04/2015 10:49

For goodness sake, don't panic that she'll get hungry in the middle of the night! If she doesn't wake up, she isn't hungry. It's madness to wake her to feed her.

Original poster
Fedupofplaystation · 12/04/2015 11:03

The dummy was given in the early days as baby had colic and HV recommended a dummy.
Tried pulling the dummy out once asleep, she still wakes every hour and searches for it.
She woke up from her nap 20 mins after starting, despite being shattered and seemed distraught.
After a promising start, I've given up as it just seemed to be stressing my usually cheerful baby out too much. Now I feel even more guilty for having put her through it, but not having the will power to see it through.
Not sure what I'm going to do about the hourly wakings. I'm in tears now. She seemed so happy when I gave it back. She's been desperately trying to suck all of her toys this morning, when she'd normally just bite them.
jendot she feeds three hourly from 7-7 throughout the day, has a dream feed when we/DH if I'm already in bed and another feed at 3-4am ish. Can't really fit any more feeds in. She's just started having a little baby porridge at 8am ish.
She feels a good temperature, has a merino wool sleeping bag that claims to regulate temperature.
Not really sure where to go from here...

OP posts: