Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is Dh? re: dd1 bath

33 replies

RavioliOnToast · 10/04/2015 19:31

I'm off out to the gym, have had both kids all day which is the usual but today was dhs day off.

I asked dh to bath dd1, his response was 'bath her, while looking after DD2, while you're out of the house'?.

My response was that yes he should bath her, but if he doesn't, I will have to bath her tomorrow, while watching DD2 and while he's out.

aibu to think he should bath dd1, why the fuck should I do.It in the morning...

OP posts:
OutragedFromLeeds · 10/04/2015 19:54

Yes, he should do it.

If he can't watch one child, while bathing another he needs some parenting practise quickly.

Can he not put them in the bath together if he can't manage two things at once?

NobodyLivesHere · 10/04/2015 19:56

How old are they? Good god he needs to get a grip.

Original poster
RavioliOnToast · 10/04/2015 20:23

Dd1 had just gone 3 and DD2 is almost 9 weeks. I just don't understand how the fuck he thinks things get done...

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 10/04/2015 21:08

lol stick baby in bath with sister much easier

Harverina · 10/04/2015 21:10

Yes bath them together! Or have dd1 watching a DVD/tablet nearby

OinkBalloon · 10/04/2015 21:20

What fancy sort of 'looking after' does a 9w old need? Hmm

If he doesn't want to bath her at the same time as dd1, then she can lie on a towel on the bathroom floor, or in the baby bouncer, while he attends to her sister.

Honestly!

Topseyt · 10/04/2015 21:20

Of course he could do it. He just doesn't want to perhaps.

He can put both in the bath at once, and your 3 year old can splash around whilst he washes the baby.

I always did it that way, even for a while when there were three of them. I never had a problem.

WibblyWobblyHead · 10/04/2015 21:30

Yanbu, If he "can't" do it how does he expect you'll be able to?

He could just put the baby in a bouncer in the bathroom, simple Hmm

Vivacia · 10/04/2015 21:32

That sounds like a parent who isn't getting enough practice.

Morelikeguidelines · 10/04/2015 21:38

Yes of course he should be able to. 3 year old doesn't have to be held while in the bath so he will have both hands still free for baby.

That said I don't think 3 year old needs to be bathed every day. If he just said he didn't want to it wouldn't matter so much.

AdoraBell · 10/04/2015 21:39

If he can't do then you can't do it either until he has another day off, obviously. Because you'll looking after both children while he isn't home, and as he has declared, that is impossible. Which explains why you can't wash any of his clothes or cook any food for him. At least until the oldest is in school.

Hassled · 10/04/2015 21:40

He just has no idea, does he?

PtolemysNeedle · 10/04/2015 21:42

To be fair to him, I know a lot of wonderful fathers who would at least have had a slight moment of terror the first time they had to bathe a just three year old at the same time as looking after a 9 week old baby on their own.

Tell him to get on with it, he'll be fine.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 10/04/2015 21:55

I think everyone has a moment or two of "how do I do this?" when you have more than one, it's just the primary carer gets over it quicker and figures out that PSB isn't going to be treated in exactly the sane way as PFB because of logistics

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 10/04/2015 21:55

same

DeeWe · 10/04/2015 22:05

I had a very similar conversation with dh when dd1 and dd2 were almost identical ages. Grin

He always bathed dd1 and I really appreciated those 10 minutes on my own, often the only 10 minutes I could guarentee getting every day.

When dd2 was tiny, we did it together, but when she was about 9 weeks, I had a conversation that went along the lines of:
Me: Do you think you could bath them on your own now, like you used to?
Him: Well... um... I don't think so. I need two hands for dd2, I can't help dd1 if she needs help... we both need to do it while they're so small... definitely can't do it on my own... maybe when she can sit up...
Me: Well dd1's fairly independent and you bathed dd1 at this age every night.
Him: What would be really good is if you bathed them both before I came home and got them both into their night things, then I could read dd1 her story and bedtime wouldn't be so rushed.

Well, I laughed like a drain and asked why it was possible for me to bath them both with him not even around to fetch towel etc if needed, but he couldn't possibly. Grin
He did try to wriggle out by suggesting that I was so much better with them both together than he was, but he did see he was digging a hole rapidly and backed quickly. Grin

I have to say that by the time dd2 was 3 months he was bathing them both no problems, and when ds came along 3 years later there wasn't a blink of the idea that he didn't do all three.

However when dd2 was a baby he had a huge preference for just having one of them to do things with (either one) but I think it took him time to get his confidence to deal with them both. And actually most of the time it made sense if we were splitting for us to have one each, just not at bath time.

weebleswillwobble · 10/04/2015 22:12

Just be breezy and laugh and say of course it's possible! Then leave him to it. A couple of practices and he'll be an old hat. I think it's just the 'nerves' of learning to cope with a new 'normal'. It used to take two of us to bath one DD - now DH bathes all three (under 5) by himself no probs.

Fleecyleesy · 10/04/2015 22:19

I disagree with the majority and think that actually bathing a 3yo whilst looking after a young baby is daunting at first. I'd have advised him to strap the 9wo baby into her car seat so she could watch her sister have a bath. He could be sure the baby was safe whilst having his hands and the majority of his attention free to deal with the 3yo.

Op why did you just say that you would have to do it tomorrow (not helpful) instead of giving him a tip like the one above (helpful)? Parenting is a partnership, not a competition to see who can do or endure the most.

RJnomore · 10/04/2015 22:22

He is probably scared. In the nicest of ways, you just need to make him do it before it becomes a Thing. Of course he can do it.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 10/04/2015 22:36

DH just reacted to me asking him to pack for ds1 (6) and ds2 (3) spending one night away. He's never done it.

teacherlikesapples · 10/04/2015 22:38

No offense Fleecyleesy- but putting the baby into a carseat seems a bit over the top! Placing children in car seats should be kept to a minimum as they are not supposed to be in there for extended periods of time. It restricts their movement too much & not ideal for growing bodies. (obviously necessary for car journeys, but at other times- why?) A 9 week old could lie on a blanket, towel without escaping off any where & even better, has a bit of freedom to move their arms & legs.

thehumanjam · 10/04/2015 22:47

I really didn't enjoy bathing the kids when they were little and tried to pass the buck where possible.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 10/04/2015 23:14

Do you always choose what he does when looking after the children? Given that you were happy that the 3 year old could go to bed in the state so presumably wasn't that mucky, did you really need to -tell him what to do- ask?

Maybe he really had plans of something to do that they could enjoy already with the 3 year old that the bath screwed up.

Sure if the reason was simply incompetence or not believing it possible, or just wanting not to do it then YWBU but the ordering (rather than suggesting, or nothing the need from what you'd been doing etc.) is a bit controlling.

Harverina · 10/04/2015 23:23

Oh just noticed it's the 3 yr old That needed the bath! Why couldn't the Newborn baby be in a bouncy chair or similar next to the bath?

JohnCusacksWife · 10/04/2015 23:58

For goodness sake, when did one parent asking the other parent to bath a child become "controlling"?

In answer to the OP, YANBU. It's not exactly a big ask, is it?