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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be peed off with these mothers at the zoo today?

87 replies

dillydottydally · 09/04/2015 21:47

We went to the zoo today. I was half dreading it being school holidays and all but was actually having a really good day. Whilst DS was playing in the massive playground DP had the beginnings of a headache. Thinking the heat may be part of the problem (he is ginger and can burn at the merest hint of the sun) we headed to a covered seating area. Along one wall were lockers to store your stuff when using the soft play next door.

We sat down then couldn't help but notice a group of mums and their daughters. There were about six girls between about 2 - 5 years old. For about 25 mins the mothers sat down happily watching the girls slamming the locker doors. They were shutting each other in the lockers and banging the doors. This wasn't just once or twice, it was constant.

All the other families were sitting at tables having drinks, chatting etc. They were totally oblivious to the risk of one of the kids hurting themselves and the annoyance of everyone else in the room.

I'm a long time lurker but thought I was safe posting this as surely I am not being unreasonable in finding this rude and irritating?

OP posts:

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 13:54

I've experienced CP changing area quite a lot and I have to say I've never noticed- on the other hand I get really annoyed having to listen to tedious discipline techniques that almost seem for the benefit of everyone else!

JustJanice · 10/04/2015 13:54

YANBU. Some parents suck at considering anyone else. As long as their DCs are ok everyone else should just suck it up no matter how annoying.

Same in the cinema yesterday. Kids squawking and clambering on seats. I was unfortunate enough to sit next to a roughly 9 yo girl who thankfully managed to sit still; however she spent the entire film rustling and crunching her way through a box of popcorn almost as big as she was, interspersed with slurping up a giant drink, her straw making that bloody squeak squeak noise and then making sure she got EVERY SINGLE DROP out from the bottom, with the accompanying rattly din.

At least the woman with the howling toddler had the sense to take him away after a mere 25 minutes.

Wherever I take my kids I constantly monitor them for potential nuisance behaviour. It's just courtesy.

Viviennemary · 10/04/2015 14:00

Yes it was rude and irritating of them. I wish people would wake up and take notice of what their children are doing.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2015 14:33

Obviously they shouldn't have been doing it but I would have moved away. Can't understand why someone would sit there and listen to it.

charlestonchaplin · 10/04/2015 14:34

Also Ghanaians, like many other Africans and Asians don't see moderating their children's behaviour as some sort of Olympic sport. They also aren't too terrified to address bad behaviour directly with the children concerned, unlike many Brits.

TheReluctantCountess · 10/04/2015 14:35

I'd have been annoyed by that too.

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 14:53

Not the Ghanians my Dad knows- they're much more laid back about children being children but are not afraid to assert themselves if they think it is wrong. Therefore, they let a lot of stuff go when children are 'playing' but will say something about things relating to respect.

Equally, Ghanian, African and Asian people are not one homogenous group that behave exactly the same or even remotely similarly - they are 'quite' big continents you are referring to there!

Becles · 10/04/2015 15:01

There's playing and there's trying to break something while significantly disturbing other people.

While Africans are not homogeneous, having worked in 2 African countries and with those from several different African backgrounds, very rarely would you see behaviour like that described by the OP tolerated. Respect for others (paticularly adults) and not making a nuisance of yourself while enjoying childhood is a key message children are taught, they are also more conscious of being judged for not proactively addressing bad behaviour (seen as worse in public) before they escalate.

HamishBamish · 10/04/2015 15:05

I'm all for children playing, but when their behaviour negatively impacts on other people around them, it's time to step in. YANBU OP. The parents should have stepped in and told them to stop.

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 15:06

Well yes but there are also a lot of problems with this approach- respect by any means including smacking, a lack of emphasis on emotional well being...

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 15:13

Children are playful though and do not rule out something to play with because it cannot be defined as 'play worthy' by an adult. Of course consideration is really important but a lot of things children do are considered irritating these days. For example, the poster up thread who described a girl eating popcorn in a cinema - we all know people eat popcorn in cinemas, it is completely unreasonable to curtail that activity in that context. People have gone too far with their intolerance of children IMO.

Stillwishihadabs · 10/04/2015 15:25

YANBU OP. I'm all for allowing play but danger to people or property is a big no for me. Eating popcorn in an irritating way -me, perhaps JJ should go to the "silver screening " on Wednesday mornings in term time.

26Point2Miles · 10/04/2015 15:52

Respect? Well does that not cover respect for other people's belongings? (Lockers) as well as those around them? You indulgently let them get on with it using the excuse, yes EXCUSE, that it was too hot..... Be a parent and take them out of there then? Take control of the situation fgs

Feminine · 10/04/2015 16:01

How difficult would it have been to tell them to stop?
I don't care what kind of day l've had. It isn't okay to just give up and let my children do as they please.

Too many parents do though l've noticed.

Lots of them visit my house.
Just the once

You are not being unreasonable.

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 16:16

I said that I did stops DD from climbing in to the locker as rid others but they return to things when they're one and like to do it all over because it made them happy the first time - they're not programmed like adults. No choice to take them out as I was waiting for my older child to collect him from that specific point.

Becles · 10/04/2015 16:21

@Goldenbear If your DD returns to where you have asked her not to be, you remove her or you tell her off and repeat as necessary.

Most of the problems seems to stem from parents who half heartedly tell their kids off and then give up. The kids know there are no consequences and that even if they terrorise everyone else or damage property they can get away with it as parents won't follow through.

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2015 16:25

What Becles said x1000!

Rebecca2014 · 10/04/2015 16:25

I would let my daughter do it. Better than her screaming and having an tantrum. My daughter 3 and a terror, maybe this was only time mother could sit down and have a chat.

I know I am in the wrong though.

IrianofWay · 10/04/2015 16:38

I can cope with anything from children apart from constant, repetitive loud noise! YANBU. At all.

But I am now a grumpy old woman and had to grit my teeth yesterday when I realised that shrill small loud boy from next door had met even shriller small loud (and whingey) boy from next door but one, and someone had put a step ladder over their fence so they could get in and out of each others' garden all day and double the volume without restraint. Oh joy....

Mrsjayy · 10/04/2015 16:46

Yanbu but it seems fine to let children run amock on non play equipment banging doors etc etc because either mum was tired or children are just so precious that they can do what they like

Mrsfrumble · 10/04/2015 16:56

I probably would have stopped my children because I would have found the slamming noise intensely irritating.

Birdsgottafly makes a very good point about controlling / limiting children's play because of perceived risks to their safety. I don't think it's just girls who suffer from it either; I've had "concerned" strangers lift my children off play equipment in the park because they have decided my children are too small or are not physically capable. So annoying!

Fairenuff · 10/04/2015 17:00

I was just thinking the other day, I wonder what Jo Frost is doing these days. Haven't seen her on tv for ages.

26Point2Miles · 10/04/2015 17:00

rebecca really? A 'chat' is more important than teaching a child right/wrong. You would pay to have any broken lockers fixed I assume? You would go and own up and explain how you allowed your child to damage property because you fancied a chat and couldn't face dealing with a tantrum?

VivaLeBeaver · 10/04/2015 17:10

I was in a hospital waiting room today and there was a toddler who was nosily rampaging around the place while mum ignored her.

Someone must have said something but I missed this bit. Next thing mum is ranting at someone else "no I won't do anything, she's 1yo and she's not going to stop doing that if I ask her".

Fleecyleesy · 10/04/2015 17:11

I think it's pretty poor behaviour. Those doors were intended to be used when people use lockers, not banged, slammed and pulled by small children. Abuse of the zoo's property is antisocial behaviour, vandalism if damage was actually done. I bet they wouldn't allow their kitchen cupboards to be treated this way, knowing they'd have to sort out or pay for the repairs.

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