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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gifts, am I doing it wrong?

57 replies

DoingTheBestICan · 09/04/2015 17:41

OK, I don't think IAMBU but am prepared to be told I am.

I have a sil and 2 dns, for birthdays, christmas and easter etc I get them a card and a voucher, i get vouchers as I think they can then go to the shops and choose what they want.

This is where the AIBU comes in, i sent the dns gifts with a family member as we were away and then so was sil. I hear through the grapevine (I'm being vague here in case sil is on here) that she is very pissed off as they have not had a gift for years as vouchers are nothing.

This is despite the fact that our ds had nothing from her. So AIBU in sending vouchers? I do not know what toys they already have and figured the vouchers could be saved up to get a bigger gift?

To be honest I am holding my tongue here and am inclined to tell a few home truths but I thought I would get the opinion of others first.

Flame away if I am in the wrong.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 09/04/2015 18:32

When DD was little se sometimes got vouchers. But I tened to know they were coming, open the envelope and then buy something in advance for her birthday using the vouchers - and explain who they had come from.

As she got older she loved to go to the shops and choose something from herself.

Your SIL is being rude and ungrateful.

Yes, younger children do usually prefer physical gifts to unwrap but that doesn't mean she should be rude about "vouchers being nothing." If she was that bothered she could set up an Amazon wishlist for each child and offer to send you a link to that for you to choose from. This works well if there several items on, all ranging in prices, and also can include items from places other than Amazon. We have this for DD as the request of several family members, and we now other family and friends use this too.

Hulababy · 09/04/2015 18:35

It really isn't overly practical to send cash in envelopes, especially ones that look very much like Birthday/Christmas cards. Not particularly safe and quite liable to go missing.

DisappointedOne · 09/04/2015 18:37

None of our nieces and nephews are getting presents for anything this year. Their parents have made it crystal clear that they aren't interested in getting anything for DD, so fuck them.

DisappointedOne · 09/04/2015 18:37

My 4 year old loves getting a cheque or cash as a gift. She saves the money up and then buys whatever she likes (she's 4.5).

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 09/04/2015 18:39

oh my god, how much hard work is she?

thats horrific behaviour

Joyfulldeathsquad · 09/04/2015 18:44

YANBU.

Don't quietly Seeth. I'd ring her up and ask for them all back if they are not considered gifts as surely she wouldn't have cashed them in??

The best thing I have done this year is to tell people is they have pissed me off or upset me. No more quietly seething for me!

AwkwardSquad · 09/04/2015 19:24

It sounds as though your SIL will find fault whatever you do, OP. And if that's the case, I'd save my energy and do nothing.

Madeyemoodysmum · 09/04/2015 19:26

sTuff her!

AnnieMoor · 09/04/2015 19:31

I wouldn't give vouchers to young children as that's not much fun for them but that's my own opinion.

However, my children often get gift cards or money from neighbours and we are nothing but grateful as that is good manners.

It's not up to your sil what you choose to give her children. She sounds extremely ill mannered and should keep her opinions to herself.

ZombieHunter · 09/04/2015 19:34

YANBU

My DS is 5 and he loves money and vouchers. He saves them up and gets what he wants. Your SIL is BU. and spoilt, ungrateful and childish

Collaborate · 09/04/2015 19:42

She also sounds desperately shallow on her part. Sounds like she finds greater significance in the measurements of a card than polite behaviour.

prepperpig · 09/04/2015 19:47

I would say "Oh I heard you are not happy with the vouchers I sent. Just return them to me and I'll buy presents instead."

Once you receive the vouchers spend them on yourself and send her a beautifully gift wrapped mars bar.

Catanddogmake6 · 09/04/2015 19:50

Kurri - not a card covered with glitter but filled with glitter or confetti. There is nothing more annoying than when you open a card to find your floor covered in glitter/ confetti and need to get the Hoover out. Takes the shine right off the whole thing.

BellMcEnd · 09/04/2015 19:54

Rude. Rude. Rude. Rude. I have 3 DCs and they and I love a voucher! My eldest is a total bookworm so when I was asked what he wanted I suggested book tokens and he was delighted. We also have a little toy shop near us which is used by all the local school children and parents - they do their own voucher scheme which we all tend to use for birthdays etc. The children love choosing stuff and it's easy for the parents which in my book is a GOOD thing!!! Most of us have really hectic lives and not loads of time to spend traipsing around the shops on Amazon finding millions of perfect presents. Vouchers take the pressure off everyone.

Your SIL is massively rude and entitled. Feel free to send me the vouchers - I'll always write you a nice thank you card!

soverylucky · 09/04/2015 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/04/2015 21:27

You give her kids vouchers. Your ds doesn't even get a bar chocolate
I've heard of entitled and very Rude but that takes the blardy piss

Only1scoop · 09/04/2015 21:32

I actually think vouchers are a bit naff at under 10. However I think your Sil has an appalling attitude....

I hate to say it but I'd gift the same as they gift for your dc and Id tell them exactly why.

cookiefiend · 09/04/2015 21:34

OP did you have a thread about her before saying your card was not good enough? She sounds like really hard work. I would probably go out of my way to send really shit cards and gifts in future I am probably not the best person to take advice from that way you get the smug satisfaction of knowing you are in the right. A pound shop gift for DNs which is completely inappropriate for their age and for her a happy 50th (or whatever next big age she is a few years from).

If she is going to complain you may as well give her something to complain about. Ungrateful bitch- what an awful example she is setting her children.

dougierose · 09/04/2015 22:26

God, what is it with entitled gift receivers these days? My not so DB has cut off all contact because I had the audacity to send his son a T shirt that was too big.

You sent a gift. A gift that they could choose themselves. So they could get something that they LIKED.

She is rude rude rude and an ungrateful self-centred &*&%$^(

As mumsnetters said to me at the time, what would have happened if you'd sent a sack of shit instead?

God, some people!!

Have some Wine

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 09/04/2015 22:29

Vouchers are no good until a child is about 10. Most kids want a present to unwrap.

CapnMurica · 09/04/2015 22:41

I disagree Butterfly.

I have an aunt who sends my boys a £5 gift card for their birthday. She tends to send Argos. They love looking in the catalogue and choosing their gift from her.

YANBU OP. What a bint. Her, of course!

primarywannabe · 09/04/2015 22:41

I have 3 under 10. The older 2, aged 8 and 9 adore vouchers. They love to go to toys r us and get whatever they want! No way would their aunts and uncles guess as specifically as they can choose themselves.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 09/04/2015 22:44

Wrap a box of chocolates from the poundshop next time. Your sister sounds greedy and entitled.

Primaryteach87 · 10/04/2015 02:27

Please don't say/do anything! I've had a similar thing (but as the other 'unreasonable' party) when in fact it was the go-between relative cauding drama where there was none. Be very sure they aren't stiribg and she actually said what you think she did.

GloGirl · 10/04/2015 03:07

Definitely glitter cards and a present just filled with blue E numbered sweets. Buy them from abroad Grin

I do think you will regret not buying your DNs anything but your SIL can bugger off obviously