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Original poster

To ask you to Help me cancel my wedding

48 replies

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 08/04/2015 19:25

Fucking long story but basically the only reason we are getting married AND having a wedding reception (going to cost us about £15k inc honeymoon) is because when we told mil we were going abroad to get married she assumed she was invited then threw a HUGE hissy fit when we told her nobody was invited inc her....fast forward a year and we've sent out the invites for this blasted wedding day as we decided one day "not quiet how we planned" is better than a life of HELL from dp's parents. As soon as those fucking invites were sent out my narc of a mil said "well if it's costing so much why didn't you elope/get married abroad/on your own? We would have understood"
Sorry but fuck this for a laugh.
We've spent about 1.5k so far on this wedding and we needn't waste much of it, we could still have our ceremony ON OUR OWN AS WE WISHED, stay in our lovely hotel we've booked and go on our honeymoon and just lose the deposit for the reception, only thing we've paid for is the photographer who we can still use.
I've realised my in laws are going to make life difficult regardless of this wedding and to be honest- I'm beyond caring.
How do I cancel this wedding? We've sent the invites out? Do I send a "we've cancelled our wedding" card out? How do people do this?
And how do I tell mil we're getting married but cancelling the party and not having ANYONE at our ceremony?
I feel so embarrassed, I've discussed my fucking wedding plans with everyone for a year now, what a mess Blush
I'm going to have to pay people back their deposits for hotels too Blush
Help me

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 08/04/2015 19:28

Also need to mention- it's not just because of mil I want to cancel. Te financial pressure is getting to us, we have 10k put aside for it but need to find the other 5k by beginning of November and its very stressful.
Also not what we really wanted in the first place and kind of dos it to keep the peace, since realised there's no peace to keep and mil will always complain etc.
Am I going to get flamed for this?

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 08/04/2015 19:29

Ack. Yes I think you might have to send everyone letters. Maybe giving some explanation. And saying you'll reimburse for lost deposits. Then people will get in touch with you. The money you spend reimbursing people will still be vastly less than the wedding. Well done for being brave!

bonbonbonbon · 08/04/2015 19:30

Wow, that really sucks! The only thing I can think of would be to mail every guest a card stating that you regret that you must cancel the wedding and reception due to circumstances beyond your control. Say that you are still getting married but won't be having a wedding or reception. Advise guests to contact you if they have paid any deposits.

WellYesOfCourseYouAre · 08/04/2015 19:30

Friends will understand. How far away is it? People may get their deposits back if a long way off.

Send a we've changed our plans card, sorry for the inconvenience blah blah.

and don't entertain any more drama from PIL! Do it your way.

karatekimmi · 08/04/2015 19:32

Can you keep the date as a cheap party to celebrate your wedding at a village hall / British legion type venue, with a few sarnie and cheese on a stick? Send a change of plan rather than cancellation?

Well done for seeing sense, it's not easy to do sometimes.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/04/2015 19:32

Why on earth would you get flamed.

Just email with a due to unforeseen circumstances we have had to cancel the wedding celebrations.

Then cancel and do what you want

JugglingLife · 08/04/2015 19:33

Alternatively you could bugger off and get married like we did, but keep the date and just have a party.
Tell nobody and just announce it on the day. Parent are a fucking nightmare aren't they, took my DDad a while to talk to me but he's fine now 16 bloody years later.

monkeysaymoo · 08/04/2015 19:33

Having done something similar I can assure once you've actually made the decision and told the first person it's a massive relief and not nearly as bad as you thought it would be. Bite the bullet and do it!

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 08/04/2015 19:34

People cancel weddings for all sorts of reasons: I'm sure there's a Debretts for that.

What's concerning me is your [F]MIL. You need to address this obscene hold she has over you(se) if you want to stay married and sane.

Alternatively, tell the people you don't like to get stuffed, and have the wedding you want with only the people you like. Grin

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 08/04/2015 19:34

People cancel weddings for all sorts of reasons: I'm sure there's a Debretts for that.

What's concerning me is your [F]MIL. You need to address this obscene hold she has over you(se) if you want to stay married and sane.

Alternatively, tell the people you don't like to get stuffed, and have the wedding you want with only the people you like. Grin

ratspeaker · 08/04/2015 19:34

Elope. Next week if possible.
Cancel big wedding before you have to fork out anymore cash.
It sounds like you would be starting off married life with a load of angst and resentment let alone a massive debt.

Kittykatmacbill · 08/04/2015 19:35

Gosh how awful! I think you might need to call / speak to everyone too, I am not sure if a letter will suffice, you will have to explain a lot to a lot of people.
Best of luck!

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 08/04/2015 19:35

It's not until the end of Nov this year. I only know of a couple of people (inc in laws) who have booked hotels.
Lots of people have said they are unable to come (due to the hotels being very expensive) and many others are yet to reply. Am I going to have to give my filthy rich in laws their deposit for their ridiculous appartment they've rented? Hmm
Oh god. What a disaster, it's laughable.

OP posts:
Joyfulldeathsquad · 08/04/2015 19:38

I think your being realistic and sensible.

Write letters, emails ect and reimburse.

Don't feel bad about it

specialsubject · 08/04/2015 19:38

worse things happen - and will if you stack up those debts - so pull the plug now with a 'circumstances beyond our control' note, explaining you are not splitting up.

but do it now before others get spending.

enjoy YOUR day.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 08/04/2015 19:40

Oh the fmil/ffil is a whole new thread! I don't even want to think about that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 08/04/2015 19:43

I would just have the party and keep the date by actually I love the place we are getting married and want to get married there. They do little packages for those getting married alone and I'd love it (dp said this is what he wanted originally too). Then we can escape for the weekend, get married, spend the day together and make the most out of the hotel we've booked as its all paid for and was expensive.
We could do a "party" on anther date but I really don't see the point, would end up costing us a lot of money anyway.

OP posts:
FadedRed123 · 08/04/2015 19:44

Where is DF in this? Seems to read like it's your wedding but not his?

miffytherabbit3 · 08/04/2015 19:44

Just want to say well done for standing up for what YOU want for your wedding. The only people who should have any say are the bride and groom, it's their day and no one else's opinions should come into it.

SummerHouse · 08/04/2015 19:46

If I was invited to your wedding then got a note saying it was off I would just be happy you are not splitting up and that there would be one less day to endure with tired children / arrange childcare for

MaryWestmacott · 08/04/2015 19:46

I think personalised letters/ emails is fine, "unforeseen circumstances, the wedding has been cancelled." For friends/family you are close to, call and explain you have looked at your finances and just can't afford it.

Pil- no, don't refund hotel for them. Others, yrs.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 08/04/2015 19:47

Seriously, I kid ye not. Address that issue (at least in your own head(s)) sooner rather than later. The very least is that you must KNOW (not guess or assume) that [F]DH and you really are on the same page and got each other's backs. Sorry if I sound dire; been spending a lot of time on a Narc-parent->NC fred, and it's horrifying.

jelliebelly · 08/04/2015 19:48

I think you need to stop worrying about pleasing others and IMO you've done the hard bit in making the decision.

Send a card to the guest list simply saying sorry but the wedding has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. Immediate family and friends you will presumably speak to as well. Then simply ring venues etc and cancel - they will be used to it.

Sod what in laws think - not your problem.

MaryWestmacott · 08/04/2015 19:48

Oh but be prepared for lots of people filling in the blanks themselves, you'll get assumptions of affairs, illnesses, all sorts. Your mil might spread lies too.

WipsGlitter · 08/04/2015 19:53

So, your mil kicked up a fuss and you decided to shell out £15k. She's now feigned indifference so you've decided to cancel. You really, really need to stop her ruling your life like this. Decide what you and DP want and stick to it.

This does not bode well...

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